Broken
by finnsgirl994
Summary: She was left behind in New Mexico and nearly died when the Chitauri came for her. Now she's broken down, literally, and struggling to pick up the pieces of her life. She's no longer Jane Foster's "helper gnome"- she's a valuable asset and she will stop at nothing to show SHIELD the mistake they made in forgetting about Darcy Lewis. T for language, may change.
1. In the Darkness with You

**Bear with me. Read and enjoy!**

They sent Jane away to a safe place for a "consultation"; it was sudden- a single phone call, and then Jane was googling some remote location which neither women had ever heard of. In a moment Jane rearranged her very busy schedule to be free for a month- they hadn't specified how long they required her services, but their fees were quite lucrative and Jane always needed funding for her work.

Then there was a flurry to pack the necessary clothing and research supplies- they had to go to Walmart at 1 AM for emergency clean clothes- and then Jane made her write a series of to-do lists; tasks that absolutely had to be completed during the indefinite period of Jane's absence- and then at 5 AM she watched as an unmarked black SUV picked her up, taking her to God knows where.

She was okay, the first day. She took the time to eat a real breakfast for once; eggs and bacon, with fresh coffee, while checking her mail. After that though she went to Jane's lab and began to do her real work; proving and disproving theorem after theorem- her boss had left quite the list. After more than a year of listening to Jane and Erik discuss astrophysics in regard to the Einstein-Rosenbridge theory, she'd become quite well versed on the subject. She was actually capable of performing research for Jane. After Dr. Selvig had left six months ago to work full-time on a SHIELD facility, Jane's work load had doubled, and she had had to pick up Erik's slack.

It wasn't until she returned home that evening, eating cereal for dinner, watching Keeping up with the Kardashians, that she felt something wrong. A ticker tape at the bottom of the Trash Television read on an "attack at Stuttgart" of an "unknown nature"- she felt a chill run down her spine as she turned off the television to read more on the attack online.

And then when the news proved to be vague and unhelpful, she checked her phone for any texts- not that she had any friends- and changed for bed. It was already 1 AM, because she had worked long hours doing Jane's work and her own.

The next morning was too quiet. The normally serene sunrise seemed eerie, and the town wasn't buzzing as normal.

Still, she went to the lab and plunged into another list of things to do.

The morning turned to afternoon and then something happened at 2.

It made her pause; slowing her typing on her laptop- she stopped highlighting figures from a blueprint of a portal stabilizer and carefully listened.

The ground began to shake, and as suddenly it began it stopped.

Her heart was pounding as she reached for the taser in her pocket; her mouth was dry as she searched in a closet for a locked box. She struggled with the combination, remembering 3-4-1 and gingerly pulling out the unloaded handgun inside.

Erik had showed her how to use it once; she'd paid little mind, scoffing at the idea of ever needing it in their lab for research no one understood.

The small relief which filled her faded quickly as another noise permeated the research lab- it came from outside; a roaring of some sort.

Despite her immense fear, she cocked the gun as she remembered from an episode of Law and Order: SVU, and looked out the window.

It was an inferno- across the street the strip was in flames- the diner, the coffee shop, the book store- all ablaze.

Things whizzed through the sky- flying at breakneck speeds, and she almost didn't notice the object zooming towards her until it crashed through the lab wall, narrowly missing her head.

Quickly she rose from the ground, attempting to plan some way to _get out with her laptop _before all of Jane's research was lost, but the thing shot some kind of rifle at the desk and effectively destroyed 9 months of constant work.

She aimed and took fire at it, aiming for anything that looked remotely vulnerable. The thing didn't even flinch, and approached her swiftly, grabbing her and pinning her to the control panel of its hover device with its weapon.

In a matter of minutes, she was entering some kind of swirling blue portal, not unlike the one she had seen year ago when Thor and the Asgardian Destroyer had both respectively arrived.

It hit her then that this was the second form of alien life she had encountered, and then she realized that she was being taken hostage probably because she had met Thor.

The portal seemed to end and she found herself soaring above the tops of New York's Empire State building, in the midst of an overpoweringly huge cacophony- a battle for Earth.

The thing set her down atop an unknown building where she was faced with a laser-like device, powered by a glimmering blue cube. There beside it stood two men, backs to her.

She recognized one back- it was covered in faded gray plaid: _Erik._

The other back was tall and angular and covered in black and gold gleaming armor- horns curved back towards her on the man's helmet, and as he turned Darcy realized that _this was no man,_ but another Asgardian god, except this time he wasn't nearly as benign or benevolent as Thor.

The god sneered at her in a sort of smile, and Darcy felt a shudder of horror run through her. The being strode towards her, and in a bizarrely belated moment of clarity Darcy understood that Jane's sudden consulting opportunity in literally the middle of nowhere, was really her being evacuated from a potential warzone by SHIELD.

Like a backhanded slap, she also understood that she, Darcy Lewis, political science major and the Earth's 3rd greatest unofficial expert on the Einstein-Rosenbridge theorem, was not considered important enough to be saved from whatever the battle being waged about her was.

She was wrenched from her thoughts as the god lifted her off her feet by the throat. Her vision clouded and she barely heard him cry out, "Those fools mistook my brother's whore for another! I have no use for her-"and then she felt the air whistling about her as she was thrown from the skyscraper.

Time seemed to slow as she hurtled to the ground, and Darcy took a moment to appreciate her life, all 22 years of it.

She'd had a good family, fun times in high school. She wasn't a drug addict or an alcoholic, nor had she ruined any lives she knew of. She had become part of an organization bigger than anything she could imagine in the world, even if was barely a fringe role as an accidental witness to an extra-terrestrial of godly proportions.

Her final thoughts were interrupted by a crash landing to an oncoming hovercraft with another of those things on it.

It was a fortunate thing, really. Darcy may have broken her collarbone and both her legs, as well as multiple ribs when the hovercraft plummeted to the street, destroying the cars in its path, but she had survived what would have been a fatal, spinal cord crushing drop to the ground.

Darcy wasn't a superhero of course, so she, like any other mere mortal, blacked out upon making contact on the ground. She had no thoughts then, only spinning and nausea and pain and _fear, so much fear that it permeated every inch of her being_.

And then there was nothing.

She awoke to white.

It was blindingly so, with Spartan décor- only a bed with the necessary medical equipment surrounding it like a fortress. It was with a hazy mind that Darcy took stock of her location. Clearly it was no ordinary hospital; guards stood outside the door, as she could see from her small window, and the things she was attached didn't at all resemble what she had seen on House MD.

In fact, she could hardly recognize herself from what she could see at her vantage point- she was in a cast from both knees down, and her arms were in slings. Her hands also were immobile, in some kind of mesh bandage keeping her from wiggling her fingers.

Darcy didn't have a mirror, but she could tell that her face was highly swollen and bruised- she tried to move her mouth and nearly screamed from the shock- pain ran through her like a shock wave.

Leaning back on the pillow to rest, Darcy realized that she was broken. Broken down, broken up.

She was stuck in some strange room in an unknown facility _alone._ Thoughts of Jane flitted through her mind; was she safe?  
With a sardonic internal snort Darcy knew she was- they had taken care of Jane Foster, _girlfriend _of Thor of Asgard.

What was she to expect? Darcy, awkward acquaintance of Thor?

Rescued?

A sudden wave of fury coursed through her. Darcy looked around for a telltale button, calling a nurse for aide. Almost instantly, a woman ran in to check her.

"Ma'am, are you alright?!"

Darcy took no time for niceties; she wanted answers _now. _

"Where am I? What's wrong with me, and who found me?"  
The woman clearly had anticipated these questions, and she was also quite obviously prepared by someone else to answer them.

"Ms. Lewis, this is a government hospital, and you were found by the authorities injured after the incident in Manhattan."

Darcy was incensed- that was _bullshit. _"I asked where I am as in specifics, like a name of a hospital? You know and I know that this is SHIELD- you practically scream agent in disguise- and I know that the incident was an ALIEN attack, as in outer space, and that highly classified individuals were involved in the battle. I was caught in the crossfire because I knew one of those certain individuals, and I refuse to be almost-collateral! I want to see whoever's in charge, right away!"

The woman knew that there was no fooling Darcy with stories and placations at that point, and walked out of the room promising to "speak with someone" immediately.

Darcy remembered that the lady hadn't answered her questions about the nature of her injuries, and began to worry.

She lost herself in thought, mindlessly worrying about _everything _until someone else entered the room. He was a SHIELD suit- he actually looked like Agent Coulson with less hair and a slightly less kind appearance.

"Ms. Lewis. I'm glad you're finally conscious." His tone was dry and Darcy figured that whoever the man was, he was like Coulson- someone who wouldn't tell her a damn thing even if you held a gun to his head.

"How long was I out?"

"3 days. You were pretty beat up when the cleaning crew found you."  
Disbelief flooded her- "The cleaning crew? As in debris and wreckage janitors?"

He nodded and grinned ever-so slightly, which was enough for Darcy to lose any sense of humor- the guy was an asshole. She had hated the quiet Coulson but at least he had proven to be a compassionate, if subtle man. He had humanity, and this jerk was laughing at her broken self in a hospital bed.

"What's so funny, asshole? Never seen a girl who got thrown off a building by a demi-God?"

"No Ms. Lewis, of course not. And by the way, next week I'll be debriefing you before we send you home to New Mexico. Ms. Foster is quite anxious to hear about you-"

She cut him off with a furious head shake.

"No! No, you don't get to send me away like a bastard child, I was abducted by ALIENS and teleported here, and then I got hit by an alien motor thingy, effectively shattering me! I want to talk to someone higher up than you! Where's Coulson? I know Phil, we go back!"

The older man shifted his feet, and cleared his throat. "Agent Coulson was compromised, in the course of this mission. Fatally so, I'm afraid. I'm his replacement for the time being."

Darcy was stopped there, stock still.  
"Dead? How?"

The man looked more human then, replying, "He was defending SHIELD and earth even in his dying moments. He was a hero, always."

Darcy wanted to cry, but then realized that she could not let her issue slip through the cracks of bureaucracy- what had happened to her was _not _okay and she wasn't going to stand for it.

She pulled out her one card- "I want to talk to the top. I mean the head, the president or King of SHIELD. You may have read that I was involved with Loki's attack back in New Mexico- I saw everything. The metal Destroyer, the Warriors Three. I might get a bit wordy on the street, talk to a reporter. They'll believe me now, even if they wouldn't have before. Earth's survived its first alien attack and now we're gonna hear about it for the next decade- and I plan on talking to every fucking news station I can unless you SHIELD tools let me talk to your leader. I was disregarded as irrelevant- and I almost _died_- despite my supposed lifelong status of a person interest! I almost died 3 days ago!"

Darcy was out of breath, still catching her breath and feeling pangs of discomfort with each intake of air.

The agent stepped out of the room in that moment to speak on some sort of Bluetooth comm-link. She supposed that she was getting tattled on for her threats, but didn't care.

He re-entered nearly five minutes later, clearly displeased.

"You'll meet Director Fury shortly. I am sorry you are dissatisfied with SHIELD at this moment but do not ever try to bargain with this organization or myself ever again- blackmail is illegal, and any breach of intelligence is considered a matter of international security. Be warned."

Like some kind of vampire the agent stalked out of the room, leaving a physically exhausted Darcy gasping slightly for air as she leaned back against her pillows. It took a minute for her to comprehend that she had succeeded in getting an audience with the SHIELD leader, but then she was overtaken by another thought; what did she want to say to him? She was sad they didn't think she was popular enough to be invited to their supergenius party?

Darcy pondered her growing panic until the door opened, and a tall black man with an eyepatch (!) strode in, with a dramatic leather jacket flowing about him like a cape.  
She waited for him to introduce himself.

"I'm Director Fury, and I'm a very busy man on a normal day. Today is day 3 of the aftermath of what we're calling Battle New York, so it's a little bit of a special occasion. What do you want from SHIELD Ms. Lewis?"

The condescending tone banished Darcy's panicked nervousness and her words flew to her mouth immediately.

"It's a little late for what I want, isn't it Director? I'm broken up in a bed, barely surviving and crippled for an indeterminate amount of time, all because SHIELD overlooked my very existence as a person of interest! I was left behind in a line of fire- and we both know that Puente Antiguo was a potential target after last year's incident with Thor- because you didn't consider me valuable enough! Because my lack of knowledge made me collateral damage instead of a human being- you took Jane but not me? Because Thor and she are almost fuck buddies? That's cold hearted political regime shit, which is strange for an organization like yours!"

Fury looked, well, furious, but bored at the same time. "I understand your concern Ms. Lewis but I don't understand what you want from me."

Inner-feminist bitch made an entrance in Darcy's tone, and she could almost feel the burn of anger inside of her body. She was screaming before she realized it; "I ALMOST DIED! I WAS KIDNAPPE D BY THAT ASSHOLE LOKI'S GREMLINS FROM SPACE, TELEPORTED IN A PORTAL, WHILE MY TOWN BURNED DOWN AND THEN SAID ASSHOLE THREW ME OFF A BUILDING BECAUSE I WAS NOT JANE! I fell hundreds of feet in the air and I am no god, so I can't just fly to safety! I, a civilian your shady-ass organization swore to protect due to my knowledge, was taken in by your enemy as a potential hostage! You can't expect me to take that lying down!" He quirked his eyebrows at her position in bed, lying down.

"Are you laughing? Is my problem funny to you? I know I'm just a small fry to y'all but I'm a human and if I took this story anywhere, they'd swallow it in a heartbeat! The media would love to bash you guys! I bet they already blamed you for this maelstrom, didn't they?!"

Fury merely shook his head and rubbed his face. "Once again Ms. Lewis, what can I do? Do you want money? A car, an apology? Frankly, and sadly, I do not have time for this problem. I'm not going to be blackmailed unless there's a stake for you and right now, you're just yelling at me. What do you want?"

Darcy thought quickly, examining her options. "I want a research facility, here in New York. I expect protection for myself as a person of interest in _two_ SHIELD related attacks. I want a new apartment, and if Dr. Foster wants to be with me, a place for her too. I will never, ever be in that situation again, Director Fury. In fact, I'd prefer to work for SHIELD and get insurance too, if it means I get to hide in YOUR basement next time the Martians attack."

Fury looked a little less grim- "I can do that. You want a place as a researcher for SHIELD, you got it- so long as you stay quiet. I cannot have anyone on this team ever speak to anyone about our organization's activities or nature. Ever."

Darcy nodded- this was easier than she'd thought.

"Dr. Foster has had a long standing job offer with SHIELD for a year now; she's refused on basis of relocating you up till now. I believe she'll take that offer, with you. Can I go now, or do I need to sign your cast too?"  
Darcy turned away, and the man left, slamming the door shut.

She looked at her toes then, and tried to wiggle them. Once, twice. The third time, she nearly began to sweat from the effort, but _her toes would not move_.

Crippled.

Maybe these casts were permanent.

Could she move her arms? With a tiny sigh she could tell they were mobile, albeit bone tired. She'd gotten some of what she wanted, but as usual she had managed to walk away, scarred.

Broken.

Jane came a day later; she seemed thinner from the last time they'd said goodbye, and her eyes were red from crying.

"I can't believe they took me and not you, it's insanity! If I had known for a minute, Darce, I swear on my life I'd have made them come get you! I promise, we'll get this fixed-"  
"I can't fix my legs though, Jane. It's their fault so calm down, but what do we do with my paralyzed legs? They said I might regain their use in a few years if they finish a certain technology they only have access too, but still. I'm a burden."  
Jane shook her head and the tears fell once more; "Darcy, no. Just, no. You're my helper, my best friend- my only friend. I love you and need you more than anyone could know; you can't think you're my burden. You're a gift to me!"

They hugged, sort of, and some of the bitterness Darcy had harbored towards Jane dissipated.

At least she had wanted her to be safe and by her side.

_And so Darcy moved on. After a month of recovery, she was able to wheel herself around in a chair pretty well; as a research assistant for Jane, she was able to do pretty much whatever she wanted. Despire things working out "okay" she was still furious at SHIELD for abandoning her. _

_Things managed to get better when she got permission to go back to school on SHIELD's dime- she became a psychology major and within 5 years (she already had some of her credits) she was a qualified psychologist employed at SHIELD. _

_Her work was hard, and she had to cope with leaving Jane for the first time but she loved it. Darcy could almost forget the wheelchair, but then she'd see it by her bed each morning and remember- she was left to die._

_Soon someone would enter her life who felt exactly that way, and she wouldn't be prepared to face the full brunt of her emotions, at all._

**I have a whole other fic to finish but I was rewatching the Avengers and I saw the scene where Coulson tells Thor Jane's ssafe. I was like, "What about Darcy?" So I filled that in a bit.**


	2. It Flew Away From Her Reach

**This is going somewhere, I promise. I have an idea but it's slow to develop; bear with me. Thank you all who reviewed by the way, it's wonderful to read them!**

Psychology made sense to Darcy. Her body was now permanently broken; she was paralyzed from the waist down, as well as covered with a myriad of scars on her chest from lacerations she suffered from her fall. Her mind however was sharper than ever; she was almost a decent astrophysicist, however unqualified, and Jane really did put her to work recreating their research which had been lost in the attack. Darcy initially enjoyed working for a SHIELD lab- Erik was back and his former self, making her comfortable with her two favorite people by her side all the time.

Her tasks used to include her usual research coupled with odd jobs and coffee runs; now that she was in a wheelchair, Jane and Erik made a point to get _her _coffee from the SHIELD break room. Their floor was quiet and filled with scientists, all making very important discoveries related to various matters of international import. Their lab in particular was quite silent on a normal day; Darcy typing, typing, typing, as Jane computed figures and Erik designed innovative ways to recreate the Einstein-Rosenbridge. Her work was normal, if not easy, and she fell into a routine almost immediately.

At home it was a different story; she and Jane had moved in together, more for Darcy's sake than anything. At first it took a while for them both to adjust to the two-wheeled elephant in the room- Darcy needed help just using the bathroom or reaching the microwave. Jane was the martyr type, feeling immense guilt for her rescue and Darcy's injuries, so she took on her role as caring best friend far too seriously. She would check on Darcy in the middle of the night, and be overly nice to the snarky woman. It was a week before Darcy screamed at Jane to "back off", to which Jane sassily replied "fuck off", and suddenly they were both giggling and crying at once.

After that, they made the apartment more wheelchair friendly, including a special bathroom for Darcy. (Jane always used Darcy's bathtub, claiming that her period cramps went away in it). Compromise was made; Jane could worry over Darcy over certain things only, so Darcy wouldn't go insane from the intensely smothering effect of being an invalid.

Their lives were stagnant barring that; after the attack, SHIELD employees were forced to maintain extremely private lives, as in very little outside socializing. Darcy couldn't visit her family that first Christmas, because they had no idea that she was now a paraplegic pseudo-astrophysicist working for a secret government agency with superheroes in it. It wasn't as hard as she thought it would be, but her relationship with her parents suffered tremendously.

Speaking of superheroes, Darcy hadn't seen much of the Avengers in her first year of SHIELD employment. Occasionally she'd see the douchey agent from the hospital room walking down the halls, issuing orders to the more important projects, but mostly her area of SHIELD was hero-free.

Her life went on that way for a while; slow, boring, sterile. She didn't meet new people, she didn't try new things. Jane lost more weight, but made leaps and strides in her research- working in a top of the line facility helped immensely.

It was around the end of Darcy's first year at SHIELD when she realized that she was unhappy.

Not just, "I'm in a wheelchair because an alien threw me off a building and now my life is an endless cycle of boring" unhappy, but a bone-deep, cesspit of unhappiness. She would wake up bored, and go to sleep listless, dissatisfied with where her life had gone- and only at the age of 23.

Then Jane hit the jackpot- she managed to recreate the Einstein Rosenbridge in a field in the middle of nowhere, Montana, and that was when Thor returned to his love.

It was mid-summer, blazingly hot outdoors, but chilly inside the SHIELD research tent/lab. The three of them had flown out with SHIELD operatives to observe the newest additions to Dr. Selvig's demo for the laser he had been designing for most of his life.

Before the test, Jane and Darcy sat together, reading over their final calculations and checking for any potential disasters. Erik calibrated the device for the millionth time, except this time he was going to actually test it out.

With a press of a button, they activated the laser- the Agent Coulson replacement was on his phone while they tested, clearly disregarding their experiment as unnecessary for his attention.

It worked.

With a blast, a bright blue beam shot from the laser and created a portal of swirling colors, causing Agent Asshole to drop his cell phone and Jane to burst into hysterical tears.

Facing Darcy, she screamed like a little girl. "WE DID IT! WE DID IT D WE DID IT! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!"

Erik hugged both women before shutting off the laser and discussing the implications of their success with the Agent, whose name Darcy had chosen not to learn.

Life changed after that.

First of all, they moved up in the hierarchy of SHIELD. Jane was put on several committees for Earth-Asgardian travel and relations, essentially making her the expert on transportation between the two realms. Erik was called upon to perfect other teleportation technology; working in a new lab in a new section of the vast headquarters they called work.

Darcy also felt the effects of their success- she got a raise, and a whole other week of vacation time allotted to her. People didn't look at her as the useless crippled secretary anymore- no, now she was the useless cripple because Jane no longer needed her to do her paperwork or research.

It stung Darcy to have worked so hard and yet to have achieved nothing in particular- one whole era of her life seemed to have gone to waste. Her depression was already pulling her down; now she felt the blackness threatening to swallow her permanently.

Things got momentarily brighter, if not happier, in December, months after the first portal was successfully activated.

Jane had decided that two years was a long time for a girl to not see her godly boyfriend and had begun a campaign for bringing Thor to Earth for a short visit.

Darcy remembered the first time Fury had reacted to her suggestion-

"Burn me three times, shame on ME is how the saying goes- I don't need unnecessary meetings between our realms if it means potentially causing another intergalactic conflict! Ms. Porter, please don't ask me again for something this impossible. Thor will come when Earth needs him. Trust in that."

And that was that, for Nick Fury. For Jane, however, the battle had only just begun. At first she unsuccessfully tried to design a way for her to communicate with Asgard- the designs were ambitious, and impossible to complete before ten years' time. Jane also began badgering Tony Stark- a show of courage which only proved Jane's love for Thor- for support in terms of calling Thor to earth. It didn't work, of course. Tony Stark was probably the world's most capable man when it came to figuring out how to talk to "aliens", but even he couldn't manage it while saving the planet on a private and Avengers basis.

Darcy personally felt that Thor would come when the timing was least expected, and of course she was right. He came 3 months after Jane had begun lobbying for her boy-toy.

It was for a world summit meeting, and though Thor was invited as a formality, no one had thought the god would actually show up.

It was a bit of a shock for all of SHIELD when Thor appeared on top of the Empire State building, brandishing his hammer with a bolt of lightning shooting out of it- never a subtle one, Thor.

Jane was thrilled to the moon and back; she walked into her office that morning and screamed at the sight of a blonde man facing away from her sitting in her rolling chair- spinning in said chair, for that matter.

Thor broke the chair in his effort to reach his beloved quickly, but Jane didn't care. Darcy had already heard the news but had kept the surprise for Jane's sake; she did however roll to the vicinity of Jane's office so she could witness the hilarity which was their reunion.

It involved disapproving Fury, passionately kissing Thor and Jane, and a painful sprained ankle for Agent Asshole who tripped over Jane's broken office chair. All in all, it had been a great day for Jane and a great distraction for Darcy. That afternoon, though, Jane approached her best friend and cheerily announced the news that she had booked a hotel suite for Darcy that weekend- "Wheelchair accessible and friendly, of course!"

Who was Darcy to deny her friend a few nights of passion, considering how long distance her relationship was?

Still, it was shameful; a grown woman asked to leave her apartment so her roommate could have some really hot sex with her boyfriend. If Darcy didn't love Jane so much, she would have been furious.

That was how she ended up in a hotel room Saturday night, watching a crappy Lifetime movie while sobbing, and breath hitching as the cause of her sadness shifted from the little girl on television that had gotten lost to the fact that her life was a wreck.

She cried for her lost dreams- however unclear, her future had been very bright. She was going to be an attorney, the good pro bono type. She had wanted a real boyfriend who would someday propose to her, and together they would have two babies and also adopt a third if finances would allow. Darcy had laughingly joked a week before the attack that she planned on drunk-dancing at Jane and Thor's wedding…

Now even that was a fantasy.

…..

The next morning Darcy woke in a mess of tangled sheets. She struggled to free herself, noting that for a paraplegic she was quite capable of tossing and turning like any able bodied person.

After using her handicap able bathroom she pulled out her phone from her purse, absentmindedly checking for the odd text.

New Message from Jane flashed across her screen.

Wondering what could possibly be so important that Jane would interrupt her weekend orgy with her blonde hunk, Darcy grabbed a bottle of water from the minibar (it was Jane's after all) and read her message.

One very grammatically correct text spelled out before her:

"Darcy, last night Thor proposed! He tried to make me dinner and almost destroyed our stove, and as we cleaned it up he popped out this amazing Asgardian ring! I AM ENGAGED TO A GOD. I'm so happy and I wanted you to be the first to know that I AM GETTING MARRIED. OH MY GOD DARCY I LOVE YOU AND I NEED TO CALL YOU TO SCREAM AND JUMP BUT I CAN'T THOR'S LEAVING THE RESTROOM TTYL BYE!"

It took Jane's innocent declaration of joy to her best friend for Darcy to realize that she needed to make some life changing decisions- like hell she was going to be third wheel (plus 4 extra wheels) to Thor and Jane's marriage.

The time had come to ask Fury for another favor.

_That was how Darcy became a psychologist. First she made a deal with SHIELD- she would promise to remain employed to them within whatever capacity her qualifications allowed for. Then, she applied to NYU and within two months was in a new, handicap able apartment with a different roommate who had had a brother with spina bifida. It was then that the dark cloud which had haunted Darcy for almost two years began to clear away. Despite her being older than everyone else, Darcy did have enough credits to have a considerable jumpstart on her classmates. She excelled in her classes, unaccustomed to having the greater expertise in a subject for once. As time passed, Darcy realized just how much she hated astrophysics and the Einstein Rosenbridge- the research she had done brought her no joy because she got nothing from finding results, except the memories of Thor, Loki, and the flashing recollection of a broken spine._

_She specialized in criminal and forensic psychology and took an internship at the more investigative branch of SHIELD simply labeled, "Investigative Procedures"._

_Crippled at 22, depressed at 23, and a psychologist by 27. Darcy Lewis made friends in that time; casual friends from school (SHIELD prevented close relationships), new friends in her new department, and even managed to make peace with Agent Asshole (his name was Keith)._

_Thor and Jane had to stall their wedding more than 4 years- some kind of Jotunn threat had consumed the Avenger/god's time, leaving Jane to perfect her technology and to completely disprove countless esteemed theorems._

_By the time the insurgence died down between the two realms, Jane was thirty and desperate to reunited with her love, which she had only seen a handful of times during his absence._

_Thor came back to Earth a wiser, older god. He was nevertheless joyful at the sight of his beloved, crushing her to his chest for a long time, weeping shamelessly along with Jane (and Darcy who'd planned the welcome home party). _

_And then Thor announced that the time had come for him to take his betrothed and wed her, as befitting a goddess of science and stars- although the wedding had to take place on Asgard. _

_Jane agreed, willing to do anything for a lifetime with Thor. Darcy resigned herself to watching a video of the space-wedding (if it was possible) and sending Jane edible underwear as a joke._

_She didn't expect what came out of Jane's mouth after they announced the wedding date._

"You're invited to come with me to Asgard, of course."

Jane's smile was wicked, and Darcy nearly spilled her red cup of cheap rose wine.

"What the hell?! Jane, how? Fury hasn't let _anyone_ up there besides Thor!"

The smile grew wider. "You and I built the technology allowing them to do that, and also you paid a price for SHIELD which Fury will never be able to forget- I won't let him. You're coming, okay?"

Darcy felt the misty sheen of tears cloud her vision, and she could only nod, wondering if wheelchairs would work in a different realm.

Thor joined his fiancée, putting an arm around her shoulder- Darcy felt a sting of jealousy- and boomed, "Lady Darcy, I would be honored if you were to be the Maiden of Honor at my Jane's wedding. There is little responsibility involved, so there is no need for you to tax yourself."

His cheeriness made Darcy laugh and she finally spoke. "I'm up for that! I get to give a drunken speech AND roll-dance with your sexy best man, whoever that would be Thor."

The super-couple exchanged a glance and Darcy spoke up again. "I get it if there's no best man, I'm cool with foreign weddings. I went to the best Indian wedding when I was 19, wore a sari and everything!" Jane interrupted; "Darcy, there _is_ a best man."

"Great, I'll have someone to sleep with while you two are eating cake! Who is it?"

Thor looked down at Darcy squarely and grimly said, "You will not like this. I am sorry for this, but I cannot do anything about this, little sister."

Jane lightly nudged Thor as if to say "hurry up!"

Darcy took that as a bad sign and groaned inwardly.

"Say it Thor. I'm a big girl, I've heard plenty bad news."  
With a deep breath Thor replied, "Loki is my best man."

"Fuck."

Jane sat next to Darcy's chair and rubbed her knee. She brushed off her hand, wheeling herself next to Thor, head bowed and hair billowing by her face like a curtain.

"Why, Thor? Why invite me if he was coming?"

Jane answered for Thor. "I asked him this too, but he has no choice. Asgardian law- law, Darcy, dictates that blood brothers are to be present for each other's nuptials, and are to hold several duties as traditions state. He can't not have Loki there; otherwise his throne is at stake."  
Thor chimed in again; "Also, Lady Darcy, you must believe me when I say Loki is a changed man. Time on Asgard passes differently than on this realm- your 4 years is a bevy of decades to us, and Loki has been punished to the fullest extent of the Allfather's powers. He has been cleared of his crimes, and is forbidden to leave Asgard for the rest of time. His magical capabilities have been taken from him and with the Jotunn threat extinguished, he has very little room for extensive damage under my watch."

Darcy's head was spinning- why did she have to go?

Couldn't someone else do Jane's maid of honor duties- anyone else?

Apparently not.

"I have no one else in the world Darcy! SHIELD told me that I have to screen potential guests and sweetheart, you're the only one I can take and be happy with, so please? I promise, minimal contact with Thor's brother in the ceremony and at the reception! Promise!"

Jane was about cry, and Darcy could not handle a sobbing astrophysicist- the lady rarely ever shed tears, but when she did it annoyed the fuck out of Darcy.

Darcy bit her lip, thinking it over for a minute- could she handle seeing the person who ruined her life so effortlessly and carelessly in any setting, nevertheless a social one?  
Then she thought of her current life- psychology was a rich part of her world now, and she was helping the world by analyzing SHIELD's bad guys and potential employees.

Her life was weird but okay, and she could take an awkward, painful few nights for the sake of her best, best friend in the world.

"Okay. I'll go, but I will drink heavily. I promise, Jane, you'll be so blissful with your Ken doll that you won't notice me finding a hot Asgardian to inappropriately throw myself at."

**Okay…. I didn't like that chapter much but this is where my plot took me.**

**Was it awful? Comments, criticisms in the review box! Sign in so I can reply, I love it when you do that!**


	3. She Dreamed of Paradise

**I'm back! Enjoy my crappy writing :D**

If anyone ever asked Darcy to describe Asgard to them in a single word, she would have probably replied "No."

It mostly had to do with the fact that the land was so much more beautiful than earth, with its Rainbow Bridge (semi repaired) and towering castles. When Thor had described his home to his friends, he had never mentioned the extreme waterfalls built into the city, along with the rivetingly blue sky and gorgeous foliage naturally dispersed about. It was too breathtaking for her mere "Midgardian" tongue- no adjectives could do justice to the magical kingdom above.

There were some draw backs to Asgard however; for example, the place was definitely not handicap friendly. Darcy was fine with Jane or Thor pushing her around on Earth mainly because it was normal for a paraplegic to occasionally need help there. On Asgard though, everyone was perfect. They were almost all good looking to point of ridiculousness, and they all could walk. The instant Darcy had landed onto the bifrost her balance felt off; she needed a minute to gather her bearings and steady her hands on her wheels before looking up.

What could only be called a crowd of supermodels welcomed the group- Jane and Thor holding hands and looking every inch the royal couple they were destined to become. Darcy was to a side, hair tangled from the trip and makeup already smudged somehow; she stood out like a sore thumb- well more like sat out. As they approached a waiting carriage, Thor, Jane, and Darcy all simultaneously realized that there was no way Darcy could get herself into the vehicle- resulting in Thor gently seating her next to Jane, who held her steady with her wheelchair in the back. She wanted to sob. It was awful, awkwardly dampening the utter joy of Thor's homecoming with his soon to be bride and Queen. She kept a false smile on her face though, not wanting the perfect beings around her to think her any weaker than they already did.

_**That night…**_

Darcy was settled in a golden room- literally, every surface glimmered ostentatiously with the substance, and she almost missed her simple apartment back on earth. Meeting Thor's parents had been less terrifying than expected, mostly because they seemed intent on grilling Jane on her intentions with their beloved baby. Thor generally spent the evening beaming at all his loved ones about him, kissing Jane and his mother sporadically while anxiously checking his father's face for approval. Odin was scary as fuck- he made Fury look like Whoopi Goldberg's younger brother. His eyepatch was also solid gold, which basically confirmed Darcy's by then solid hypothesis that even condoms were made of gold on Asgard. She was able to relax and people-watch, something she enjoyed greatly on a normal day. Sipping amazing ale, Darcy observed food refill itself and clear away like magic. Somehow, despite her clumsiness, spilled soup didn't actually spill. Her drink remained perfectly chilled- Asgard was a pretty damn amazing place for a fancy dinner. It wasn't until she returned to her room (after kissing Jane good night and watching her bashfully follow Thor to his room) that she realized that she hadn't been freaking out at dinner because _Loki had not been there_. She imagined it was because he was kind of a family black sheep, or maybe because he was an outcast war criminal. Either way, the idea that he lurked about the palace terrified her- of course, she doubted that he even remembered seeing her that day in New York. Somehow his ignorance made it worse, and even as she gingerly moved her legs into a comfortable position on her bed, Darcy felt tears welling in her eyes. Something was about to happen- something bigger than being paralyzed or losing her job…

The next day was a blur- one day before the "royal wedding" and dress fittings were the only things Jane and Darcy had to actively take part in before the ceremony. Jane's gown was unlike anything Darcy had ever seen- it was gold and silver and white all at once- and actual diamond beads embroidered the bodice and hem of the dress. Darcy wasn't one to cry over fashion but when Jane stepped into the room cautiously, she burst into happy tears. "YES! SAY YES TO THIS DRESS! OH GOSH YES! JANE YOU LOOK FUCKING AMAZING!" Immediately Darcy glanced about for Frigga, and exhaled in relief when she saw it was simply Jane and she, plus the royal dressmaker. Jane ignored Darcy's profanity and gazed at herself in a mirror- disbelievingly, she murmured "Do you think Thor will like it?" Her unspoken fears and doubts were uttered in that sentence, and Darcy wheeled herself close to her best friend to take her hand and reply, "Janey, this is the way Thor sees you every minute of every day, even on the days when you have poptart in your hair, but you know what I mean! He loves you so fiercely, don't let your insecurity take away from that. Concentrate on loving him back twice as much." They hugged, the moment passed, and then Frigga did stride in to see her daughter in law. It did Darcy good to see the queen double-take at the sight of Jane- she was literally glowing in the splendid dress, but it amounted more to the fact that she was going to marry the love of her life, and that she got to spend eternity with him.

Darcy could feel herself growing more emotional and jealous as the day continued, though. She was perpetually in the way, from the fitting of her dress to the "decorating" of her wheelchair. Asgardians had little regard for the handicapped, she found. When they helped her try on her emerald green gown, they roughly held her legs together, treating her like an overly heavy piece of furniture that they had to reupholster. Jane was distracted by selecting her jewels for the wedding, otherwise she would have noticed Darcy spitting mad and ready to cut some Asgardian dressmaker bitches. She got over it when she checked herself out in the mirror though- the gown was stunning. It made her rack look amazing but not slutty (a rare occurrence for Darcy Lewis) and her pale skin didn't look deathly white for once in contrast to the warm hue of the dress.

The rest of her day was preparations- a practice ceremony was specially planned for Darcy and Jane's benefits, so that they wouldn't seem clueless at the actual event. Darcy was given a simple dress of grey which draped elegantly over her knees when she was in her chair. She ignored the Grecian looking sandals and wore her own shoes- amazing Christian Louboutin heels in silver satin, a gift from Pepper Potts one Christmas ago. She then followed an attendant to a large atrium surrounded by elaborate gardens with flora Darcy had never before seen. Several rows of delicate gold benches curved around an altar of some rare metal. She was so enthralled by her surroundings that Jane had to poke her for her to pay attention.

It began with Odin speaking something in a language Darcy couldn't understand- the Allfather's Blessing was its name, she later found out, and it was his way of ensuring the success of the union of his oldest son with the woman of science from earth. Then, Frigga placed a circlet on Jane's head, wordlessly accepting her as her new daughter- although she used a plain bronze one for the practice. After that, Darcy watched awestruck as Jane and Thor exchanged what must have been half an hour of vows, promising eternal love and fealty, and other gushy feelings that left Darcy feeling remarkably alone. After some official fake finalized the vows with some kind of spell, Jane and Thor were married. They kissed (rather chastely in Darcy's opinion) and that was that. The practice was over and they could finally eat dinner, which was something she was highly looking forward to. Of course being Darcy's life, she didn't get to dine immediately. Instead she was informed that she was to give the first toast, as a representative for Jane. The job was apparently quite important, as it was the first intergalactic space wedding in Asgard, ever, and she had to show the people that Thor wasn't dooming their race to a lifetime of morbid obesity or reality television.

The meal awkwardly dragged on, no one wishing to go to bed the night before the wedding of the century. Darcy was wheeling herself to a fountain of some magical champagne substance but was interrupted by sniggering entirely too reminiscent of junior high- girls were being bitchy, and her highly honed senses told her that it was regarding her. She quietly wheeled closer, and lo and behold there stood two goddesses behind a flowering tree of pinks and whites. The first perfect skank haughtily chuckled and replied to whatever the second skank had asked. "She's some kind of servant to that Jane- no one important, of course, but Midgardians have always been foolishly sentimental about the help. I personally would never drag a cripple around the royal palace like a bitch to its owner." Skank number two burst out laughing and replied, "Her dress! Did you see it? I don't think she even knows that it's too short- it's practically spitting in the face of the Queen for her to wear that- the garb of whores and prostitutes- and with those bizarre shoes? She's just so _wrong._"

The tears threatened to fall but Darcy held them in- just like high school, she proudly wheeled before them and turned to face them, glad that she was dressed nicely, even if she looked like an Asgardian ho. They both quirked their eyebrows, unalarmed at clearly having been caught mocking a guest behind her back, and skank one facetiously inquired, "Yes?" The drawn out word was enough for Darcy to see red and it was with great self-control that she looked them both in the eye, steeling herself. "Hello. I'm Darcy, since you seem so interested in who or what I am. As you can tell I'm paralyzed, something which may seem like an abomination to your kind. In reality I'm just another social oddity, and to boot someone sent me a hooker dress under the pretense of doing me a favor- highly typical behavior for a couple of air headed bimbos with more tits than brains." Skank number two looked disgruntled but jabbed back- "Are you one to talk about tits? They're so big they're almost offensive- can't you see that you were made for whoring? But for those legs… you can't even wrap them around a paying customer. Pity, no?" That one stung but Darcy was fully prepared to wage battle. "It is, isn't it? But at least I can die alone and customer-less knowing that my very good friend Thor of Asgard is marrying my best friend, and not a couple of tweak bitches like yourselves. Also, get your beady eyes off my breasts- the girls are gorgeous, I am aware, but I'm definitely not into getting ogled by jealous freaks like you two." Though the retort was far from Darcy's finest, quiet applause broke the awkward silence which had settled throughout the ball room. At first she was disconcerted, the two goddesses walking away quickly, muttering profanities under their breath. Then she wheeled around to see- no one. The crowds had dispersed to the dining hall for more food, and though relieved that no one had witnessed the debacle which had just taken place, Darcy knew that someone had observed, silently, and then appreciated the scene with applause.

That night, Darcy couldn't sleep, which was good considering her diplomatic/best friend role of toast giver. Typical of her procrastinating inner teenager, Darcy had asked if she could prep a toast that night and give it the next day. That night in her bedchamber she sat in bed, pen and parchment (not paper) furiously mating in the creation of the best fucking toast _ever. _

_**THE WEDDING:**_

Jane was surprisingly not a mess. She was quiet, thoughtfully gazing at her reflection in the mirror as a total of six women worked at her hair and face. There were none of the groom's family present; Darcy had requested privacy for Jane's sanity's sake. The shimmering morning light made the dust motes dance in mid-air and Darcy felt as if she was witnessing something almost holy. Her presence was required though- her duty that day was to accompany Jane throughout the ceremonies and afterwards, keeping her stress-free and radiant. The second part was simple, but tensions were running quite high on the wedding day. Everyone was suspicious of the earth woman who had claimed their golden boy's heart, and Darcy's little confrontation last night had spread around the palace grapevine like wildfire. She didn't care much about what they had said to her last night; the only part which continued to nag her was the quip about her inability to please a man sexually. Her usual approach to thinking about her love life was to turn on the TV or her iPod and to ignore it. She shook off her rambling thoughts and focused on the task ahead of her. Darcy felt a tremor run through her at the thought that today, finally, at the ceremony of a lifetime, she would get to meet Loki- the man, no, god who had ended her life as she knew it on a whimsy.

_**CEREMONY:**_

The walk/roll to the atrium was silent- Jane too excited to speak and Darcy too apprehensive to open her mouth and fill the void. Music filled the air before they reached their position of entry, and the attendants left Jane and Darcy alone before the wedding began. Without a word Jane kissed Darcy's head and thanked her. "I know you're scared but Loki is apparently bound by Odin's power so that he is incapable of performing any magic. You'll be safe, and everyone will be there anyways." A single trumpet note sounded through the air and the time had arrived- Darcy patted her hair and handed Jane her bouquet of Asgardian flowers, and a young priestess came out of nowhere to hold Jane's 8 foot long train. The next stanza of the Asgardian wedding march began, and the short procession was set into motion.

Darcy was first, also carrying a smaller version of Jane's bouquet and smiling, emerald gown glinting as she entered the sunlight. The crowd did not jeer at Darcy that day; her grace and exotic looks coupled with her wheelchair kept the critics quiet. Besides, they weren't really paying attention to her- Jane was about to enter. Two young girls scattered blessed flower petals of some sort and everyone rose as the music rose to the crescendo. Darcy reached the front and quickly turned her chair into position, next to two of the groomsmen. She had no time to absorb her surroundings, transfixed like everyone else by the vision which was her Poptart loving, astrophysicist best friend- Jane Foster soon to be wife of Thor Odinson. She looked every inch the goddess, gold hair intricately entwined with strands of pearls and encircled by a simple band of gold. Her gown was the stuff of dreams, flowing around her feet like water as she stepped onto the altar, settling her train behind her. Thor took her by the hand and they faced the Allfather who shone in- what else- pure gold armor. Darcy took a moment to glance about her, awed by the abundance of sexually attractive groomsmen about her, not to mention the big man himself. Thor's blonde locks were tamed back to an extent- the errant lock was forever on his forehead, and his face was stretched in the goofiest, stupidest grin Darcy had ever seen- his eyes were soft though, crinkled at the ends as he gazed at Jane, who looked pretty damn ridiculous herself. The vows began, and when Thor swore to protect Jane till the moment his heart stopped beating Darcy couldn't breathe. Jane outdid Thor by swearing that she would, no matter what the cost, always be by his side, even if it meant breaking the space time continuum to reach him. Then Odin did his magic spell thing- Darcy tuned out a little at that point- but she reentered the moment when Frigga replaced the plain circlet with the white gold circlet, signifying Jane's acceptance into the Asgardian royal family. Finally, with a passionate kiss rivaling Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries at their media-wedding, Jane and Thor were wedded for all of eternity- literally.

That was Darcy's cue to take Jane's bouquet so she could be led by Thor to a hall of celebration which seemed to appear out of nowhere. The festivities began in full swing; Darcy seated two away from Jane, separated only by the Queen herself and Lady Sif. Neither Jane nor Darcy could eat- Jane was distracted by her handsome new husband ad Darcy was panicking over her toast. Towards the end of the meal, the moment of reckoning came, and one of the Warriors Three- Fandral, she believed, stood to announce that Lady Darcy of Midgard was to toast the new bride and Princess of Asgard, Jane Foster. Darcy smiled a bit nervously as she wheeled herself before the couple and the King and Queen. She thought to pull out the emergency notes she had hidden in her chair but chose to plunge in, saying what was in her heart.

"Ladies, and gentlemen. Gods, and goddesses- today is a day of gains and losses. Today, Asgard gains another shining diamond to adorn its crown- today; Jane Foster has married Prince Thor of Asgard. Despite their differences, Prince Thor and Jane are perfect for one another- Thor is the sun, lighting up the day with his fire and warmth, while Jane is the moon, illuminating the night because of the sun. They become one another, and it is a proud day for Asgard because my best friend and sister is a part of a unit. Sadly, Midgard or Earth, has lost one of its greatest minds. I have lost my closest companion, and there is no one in any realm who could replace her. I am reassured though by the thought that Thor, the biggest, strongest Asgardian I know, is going to be taking good care of her. Let's raise a glass for the most sickeningly perfect couple I know! To Thor and Jane!"

Gentle clapping was not what Darcy expected- her thoughtful and genuine toast was wasted on the drunken crowd before her. She was about to despair when a smooth voice interjected. "Lady Darcy, it would seem that you have been misinformed as to the nature of Asgardian toasts- we do not reminisce weepily like maidens, as you may on Midgard. Although, does it truly surprise anyone that the Migdardian didn't get it?" She turned to see a tall man with short black hair and in subdued armor- and a shudder of horror ran through her. Despite his easy tone and playful smile, the sunken blue eyes and greasy long hair haunted Darcy's vision- Loki. The room stood still; everyone waited for a reply, and clearly no one knew how Darcy had been crippled. Jane and Thor looked stricken as Darcy wheeled away from Loki, who stepped before her with a quizzical expression on his face. "Lady Darcy? I beg pardon- Lady? Can you speak?" There was no malice in his voice, only polite concern. _He really didn't remember her… at all._ She was gripping the armrests of her chair so tightly her hands were bloodless, and unbeknownst to Darcy tears were streaming down her face. "Lady Darcy, are you unwell?!" Loki attempted to come closer but Darcy fled, wheeling out of the hall and out of the palace, not stopping until she reached a garden secluded enough for her to collapse into shuddering, chest achingly deep sobs.

No one came to get her- Darcy knew Jane absolutely could not leave the party, but she had assumed someone would come after her. Still, it wasn't as if she hadn't been ignored before. The shock of seeing Loki the murder, Loki the god as a brother at a wedding giving a mocking toast reverberated through Darcy, leaving her breathless and dizzy. Gently she wheeled herself near a pond, staring at her reflection in sadness and fear. She wished she could dip her feet into the water, which seemed cool and beckoningly inviting. Disregarding her logic, Darcy carefully shifted herself from her wheelchair to the ground, dragging her legs so they were submerged knee deep in the shallow pond. The shimmering blue of the water coupled with the white lotuses floating in it was a very picture of heaven, and Darcy could feel none of it. With a shriek of frustration she cried out, lapsing once more into tears.

"Lady Darcy?" That voice was back, and it frightened Darcy to the point that she lost her balance and fell into the pond, face first. She attempted to lift herself out with her upper arms but she had lost her strength suddenly, and Darcy was ready to embrace the end (death by 3 foot pond, of course) when strong arms lifted her easily from her imminent doom. Sputtering and blinded by water, Darcy wildly swung at her savior who she knew was Loki. "LET- (COUGH)- ME- GO!" she was able to fight her way out of his arms and fell on the grass, heaving furiously and rapidly. "Lady, I know not why you fear me so. I will call a healer, who can help you." Darcy's terror began to fade, and was replaced by a red hot hatred which had coursed through her veins since the first day she had woken up without the use of legs. "You _know not _why I fucking fear you? YOU, Loki of Asgard? You the god of Mischief and Mayhem and paralysis and destruction?" His bafflement caused Darcy to grab his leg and shake him as best as she could. "REMEMBER? DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU DEVASTATED MY PLANET? You attacked, you destroyed! You dropped me off a building thousands of feet from the air and left me shattered! You, Loki, YOU! REMEMBER?" Horror was written all over Loki's face as he strode away from Darcy abruptly, clearly unwilling to listen to her. She lay down in the soft grass and willed death to take her, but two attendants Loki must have sent retrieved her and sent her to bed. Her status as invalid was permanent it seemed. Still she couldn't sleep- that gorgeously normal smile couldn't mesh with the demonic grin from New York. Loki was back in her life to steal her night's sleep…

**SORRY FOR THE WAIT BUT THIS WAS A BITCH TO WRITE.**


	4. Yesterday is Here

**I'm back guys. I got my muse back and she's kicking for a story. **

**Read and review, thanks to all.**

Darcy returned to Earth with a thud- literally. She fell from her chair when they were dropped from the Einstein-Rosenbridge, and luckily landed on top of the SHIELD agents assigned to her pick up from the drop site. Jane and Thor were in Asgard for good- Thor to earnestly begin his training as King of the realm and Jane to begin her reign as Goddess of Wisdom. She had offered to escort Darcy back to Earth, but Darcy knew Jane wanted to be with Thor. Who was she to ruin a newlywed couple's happiness?

That was why she was resigned to beginning a life with no close friends- her best friend was now living on Cloud nine with the man of her dreams. She began her practice again within SHIELD, operating as a psychologist/counselor for the agents. Mainly her work consisted of the mundane- stress, divorce, low self-esteem. Darcy felt herself feeling normal again, at least in her working world. She was useful again, providing comfort through her listening skills and careful analysis- AKA sounding like all the psychologists she had heard on cable television EVER. She maintained casual office friendships, keeping her distance for the sake of her privacy. Despite the relative calm of her existence, something in Darcy's gut told her that the storm was coming- calls it paranoia, but experience had taught her that life kicked people like her in the stomach multiple times before their turn was up.

At night Darcy laid in bed alone, frightened and sweaty. She knew it was because of Loki- Loki God of Mischief, Loki of Asgard- the being that had made her the facsimile of her old self. She remembered Old Darcy- the girl who danced, who dreamed and drank and laughed freely because life had yet to show her its true colors. In her nightmares a fiendish Loki like of the New York Invasion sneered at her, tortured her, and threw her off a million buildings. Then a kinder, saner Loki would offer her a cup of tea and her psyche would struggle with the idea that he _did not remember _maiming Darcy. It was ruining her sleep, leaving her exhausted and confused in the mornings.

Months passed and as before, the depression announced its reappearance with Darcy losing more weight, though no one noticed. She was utterly, utterly alone once again- a stranger in a world filled with relationships. Jane couldn't contact Darcy or vice versa, so no one knew the extent of Darcy's condition. She stopped eating properly, occasionally stomaching a cup of coffee or a piece of toast. The internet lost its charm for Darcy, something which would have been a huge indicator of her state of mind had anyone been paying attention.

Nobody did pay attention though, not until 4 months after her return from Asgard. SHIELD was doing employee psych examinations and Agent Asshole was back, checking up on Darcy for the first time in six months. She was unprepared for the visit, and was found in her pajamas at home on the weekend, mascara smeared with tears on her cheeks and hair tangled in an unwashed mess. She was given a psychological evaluation and found to be deeply depressed and apathetic, unwilling to explain her obvious distress. Darcy was immediately declared unfit to work, ironically despite her months of running a successful psychological office.

Even Director Fury asked her what "the fuck was making her so damned moody."

She couldn't explain the eyes which haunted her dreams, changing from icy blue to mossy green in a blink. Something inside her was still broken and it was aching within, leaving Darcy a wreck. That was apparent even to the imbeciles at SHIELD, and they decided that she needed a leave of absence, preferably to visit Jane in Asgard-

She lacked the energy to scream "BAD IDEA, NO, NO, WRONG- THE OPPOSITE OF RIGHT, DO NOT TAKE ME THERE" and quietly acquiesced, only mildly surprised when she was no longer on Earth but back in Asgard, being greeted by a glowing, _pregnant _Jane.

"Darcy, how are you?! I'm so glad to see you, Heimdall said you might show up and I've waited for a week!"

Her smiling face was more beautiful than ever, which made Darcy feel even more like a piece of shit. All she could reply was "I'm okay. SHIELD thinks I've gone bonkers."

Her lopsided grin was apparently more crooked than she had thought- Jane took one look at it and began to cry. "I can't believe they let this happen again, and I can't even help this time- oh god, Darce. Is it because you saw him last time, at the wedding? You left so quickly after the ceremony- I thought it was because of how callous everyone was to your chair but- damn, I was so wrong!"

Darcy heard none of Jane's guilt-ridden speech because behind her approached a swirl of green and black- _not again._

Her vision swam, and blackness filled her consciousness- Darcy's fight or flight mechanism glitched, and she passed out.

….

She awakened on a soft bed- it is not gold, thankfully, but white and cream- Jane's room, clearly. Her friend sat next to her, stroking her hair and humming, protruding belly more prominent than before in her gauzy dress.

The moment is sweet but Darcy felt ready to talk.

"I'm scared to sleep because of him. He's there in my mind always, and I just… can't reconcile that demonic fucker in New York with that suave BBC brother in law from the wedding. My mind just, like, rejects the idea of it and fights it, and this all has left me so damn tired."

Jane's hand twitched but she continued her caresses, carefully replying, "I think you need to confront this dear. There's more to this change in Loki than you know."

"What could possibly change him so much?"

"Ask him. You have that right, ask him yourself. Only he can tell this tale."

Darcy struggled to sit up, positioning her legs and giving Jane her best "da fuq bitch?" look.

It didn't work- stoically Jane remained quiet, refusing to say what happened to Loki. "I deserve to not have to talk to him, he ruined my life!"

Jane quelled Darcy's complaints by pulling out her scary father in law card- "Father- Odin- forbids it. It is magically and royally bound, so there's no point in trying to make me tell."

Darcy pouted, but felt better having confided even a little in Jane. She decided that talking to Loki would have to wait until she'd seen her favorite blonde god.

Thor was polishing Mjolnir in the armory when Darcy rolled in, hair combed and face washed.

"Lady Darcy! It does my heart good to see you in such high spirits!" His infectious grin was strained as he leaned to embrace her, but his warmth was comforting. "I'm glad to see you too big guy. I missed you a lot…"

"Darcy, I know of the horrors which haunt your nights. My dear Jane spoke to me of them as you rested and I cannot help but feel responsible- you did not have to see Loki, truly. We could have wedded somehow, and the Allfather would have eventually given in."

"Thor, it's just… I can't wrap my mind around any of it, you know? I feel like I've been torn inside out and no one can find out where the rip began?"

Thor remained quiet, but placed a strong arm around Darcy, gently curtailing his strength.

She broke the silence when she asked, "Can't you tell me what happened to change him?"

He shook his head solemnly and Darcy was about to protest, but Thor sternly cut her off- "No. I cannot, and I would not would that was I allowed to explain."

Darcy angrily rolled away, and headed for the garden where her nightmare had become reality.

She sat near the pond, throwing pebbles at the beautiful fish swimming around. Her sullen mood transformed into real melancholy, and her eyes swelled with tears again. _What the fuck was wrong with her?_

"Lady Darcy."

The cultured, smooth Hugh Laurie voice was back- _please no._

"I fear I offended you last we met. Please, tell me what I have done so I may make amends."

_He was trying to fix things- HA! Could he fix paralysis?_

"Lady Darcy? I truly know not what was wrong at my brother Thor's wedding."

Her temper was beginning to flare- that damn accent was such a turn on normally but right then Darcy wanted to cut off the man's balls and feed them to him. Instead Darcy decided to freak Loki out; clearly he needed to be informed.

Without turning around Darcy began to speak. Her voice was toneless but she knew her words would pack a real punch.

"It began in 2012 when I was still whole and assistant to Jane. You attacked Earth."

"What?! That's absurd, I would never-"

"You forged an alliance with the Chitauri in exchange for the Tesseract, and nearly won."

"I don't believe it- you can't just say that!"

Darcy couldn't help but admit, the man was committed to his story- but so was she.

"You were crazy- falling from the Bifrost can do that? Where did you wake up anyways?"

She didn't wait for an answer but continued. "It's really funny actually what you did to me, honestly. A real case of wrong place, wrong time. They sent Jane to Tromsee when you came, to protect her from the bad guys- but they _didn't take me._ I was too insignificant, so they just left me behind in Puente Antigua. I was all alone when the Chitauri came and took me, transporting me to New York- and it brought me to a rooftop where you stood, thousands of feet from the ground, and you saw my face and laughed. You laughed because I wasn't Jane, and there was no value in my being a hostage, so you dangled me by the neck over the ground before dropping me to the Earth- I was left permanently crippled because of that. I can't walk, can't dance, run, or sit on the ground. I'm broken and it's because I was the wrong person. You broke me because I was the wrong person."

Loki had no words- he opened and shut his mouth like a fish out of water. He clearly was shocked- he had no idea what she was talking about but all of it began to make _an awful lot of sense. Loki's mind raced, and he saw in his memories blurs of skyscrapers and metal gargantuan worms taking out buildings, people dying and green Hulks smashing. He was crazed, he was mad- _

"No. I don't know what sorcery this is, but I did no such thing!"

Darcy turned in her chair and Loki's face contorted at the sight of her- face blank of any expression but disgust.  
"You did this. Ask Odin Allfather what really happened that spring. Ask him, you twisted fucker. Understand who you truly are."

Darcy unevenly laughed at her theatrics before wheeling herself away, surprised at how steady her hands were despite her quivering fear and panic.

"Wait! Lady Darcy- I cannot fathom anything you said being true but- something rings… something rings within my mind- but… I am so confused. My head is aching- oof!" As if socked in the gut, Loki fell to his knees clutching his head and Darcy could not restrain a feral grin- she broke Loki back.

**I am going to make this so hard on me because Loki will be so likeable… Anyone guess what's gonna happen?  
Read and Review dahlings.**


	5. Science and Progress

**Author is sad, therefore Darcy is sad. Actually I just… I've been very depressed today and here y'all go… Review if you like.**

She wasn't okay. She thought making _him _hurt would've done the trick, at least in a short term kind of way, but Darcy was still feeling intensely depressed one week after her confrontation with Loki. She actually hadn't seen the god since then, and although she was relieved to avoid seeing him again, Darcy felt twinges of guilt. Despite everything, her mind still couldn't match crazy-Loki who had thrown her off a building with the nice-Loki she had met at Jane's wedding, and the idea of permanently traumatizing the latter was unpleasant.

Jane was actually quite pregnant- 6 months, and yet her stomach only gently curved out, perfect for Thor to cup with his hands and caress. Seeing married Thor and Jane was almost nauseating for Darcy, but not because it was sickly sweet; mostly, it reminded Darcy of an intimacy she had yet to experience, and was unlikely to ever find. The happy couple was overjoyed to see Darcy, though, and forced her to spend endless hours with them- talking, reading together, singing, overseeing royal matters, when all she wanted to do was watch some Family Guy and eat Ramen.

She wasn't allowed to leave Asgard for home after two weeks- SHIELD had sent a message with her abrupt arrival and had notified Jane that she wasn't to return to Earth until sarcastic, bubbly Darcy was back.

Darcy didn't know how to tell SHIELD or Thor or Jane the truth: that the old Darcy had died a painful death after a fall from a skyscraper.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Weeks passed. Darcy spent them listlessly rolling about Asgard, half-exploring the library from time to time. She enjoyed the literature but everything seemed to remind her of the giant muddle her life had become. Jane was bigger; her pregnancy was progressing safely for a woman so slight, and that was a relief to Thor and Darcy. It wasn't until a month had gone by when Darcy realized something- Jane was different. Not just, "I'm eating more than poptarts" different, but somehow… radiant. She glowed, with perfect skin and hair that was constantly in shampoo commercial mode.

It took some reading, and a little bit of snooping, but Darcy figured it out soon enough.

"Tell me about the apples of Idunn."

Jane had been startled by the query, and had abruptly stopped brushing her hair before carefully resuming the action. "They're an Asgardian thing… they are, uh, mostly this myth. They say if you partake of the golden apples, you are immortal. You are a god."

Darcy sharply inhaled as her suspicions proved correct. "I just… you really need a damn facebook account Jane, or at least a twitter. I'd like to know that you're going to be around forever… for as long as I'm actually alive, I guess, so it'd just be a fraction of your eternity."

"Don't be so caustic Darce! I had to! It's a criterion of marrying an Asgardian prince! I had to give up my humanity, my mortality to marry Thor- and it made sense at the time, and now I question it but mostly I'm happy with it because I got my husband and baby out of it, and you should be happy for me too!"

Jane was breathing heavily; clearly she had been thinking about this for a long time, and Darcy's words had proved a trigger for a stream of rushed exclamations.

Darcy on the other hand was calm; she knew she had no right to feel angry but once again, the bitter new her wasn't going to let it go.

"I think you know why I'm having a difficult time swallowing this."

Jane turned around and put her hands on her stomach, almost protectively.

"Jane… you know I love you, and you know I care for you and Thor and that baby inside you so much, but… I hate my life! I hate knowing that I'm more likely to get sick than other people, I'm less likely to ever have a relationship that anyone else! Fuck, Jane, you think I want to hear through ten Asgardian scrolls and servants' gossip that you're now immortal? Tell me these things, we're best friends!"

Before Jane could reply she rolled out of the room; dramatic exits were kind of becoming her thing.

A few hours later, a knock sounded on her door. It was Thor, looking concerned and upset.  
"Lady Darcy, I must ask you to come with me."

Darcy lay in her bed, earphones on and wheelchair next to it. Thor emitted an impatient man-noise and lifted Darcy from her reclining position, carrying her to-somewhere. Thor disregarded her apparel of a XXL Captain America tee shirt (she got it as a joke from a gift shop before her accident) and impetuously strode down the stairwell to some unknown depths of the palace, ignoring Darcy's protests of "Jane wouldn't like it if you tapped my sweet ass Thor, not that I don't appreciate the compliment!"

They finally stopped before a closed door, which led Darcy to questioningly eye Thor, who seemed intent on not speaking to her. He carefully balanced her as he kicked open the door (silently somehow?!) and entered, for Darcy to see….

Him. Again. Broken, and beaten, and stark raving mad.  
"I WAS MADE TO RULE, I WAS BORN FOR GREATNESS! YOU ALL WERE BORN TO KNEEL, IT IS IN YOUR VERY NATURE. KNEEL! KNEEEEL!"

And there was crazy-Loki, except much sadder and far less menacing than before. He was restrained to a bed, fighting furiously and beating his head from side to side, all in a fruitless attempt to break free of his bonds. Darcy couldn't help it; she gasped, loudly, and caught Loki's attention.

"YOU! YOU SNIVELLING, CRYING LITTLE QUIM. YOU DID THIS! YOU!"

Thor turned around and made to leave but Darcy stopped him; "I want to talk to him! What happened to him, Thor? Is this what you wouldn't tell me about?"

Thor sighed wearily and sat on a stair step, gently positioning Darcy so she was supported up by his body.

"No Darcy. What I couldn't tell you was what you have undone."  
Darcy immediately saw it- calm, collected suave Loki was a _trick. _"I knew you couldn't fix crazy like Loki's for real- what kind of magic was it?"

"The Allfather felt that in the time of the war, when I was away fighting… Loki endured a great and terrible madness. He was imprisoned, stripped of his magic, and isolated from every living soul he had ever known. After years of being away, I learned of this and could not bear it… He is my brother and I did not wish to see him suffer anymore. I suppose that he did deserve punishment for his crimes on Earth, but he had paid most dearly by my return. His mind was lost and wandering, like that of ant or a fly. He was broken down, and I had no choice but to bargain with my father. He agreed to give him back his sanity, in exchange for his personality and memories. Essentially, he made a Loki without the anger or the bitterness. I only agreed to end Loki's pain, but it seems he has been in pain underneath the façade, all along."

Darcy's mind was zooming at hyper levels. Memory isolation? Personality programming? Odin's magic was B. F. Skinner's ultimate sexual fantasy- the penultimate behavioral conditioning!

Then her psychologist brain stopped and her Darcy brain began.

"Oh god… Thor, did I undo the magic, and release the whacko? Oh shit Thor, I didn't know! I had no clue, I was just yelling at him one day and then he just seemed disturbed, but he said his head was aching… oh god, now I get it! I am SO sorry!"

Tear threatened to fall but Thor smiled gently.  
"I know you did not intend to "break" my brother as you say, but it is most unfortunate that he has lost his mind once more."

Everything in Darcy's mind was screaming no as she began to formulate a coherent yet emotionally charged idea- it was crazy as fuck but she liked it a lot.

"Can I counsel him?"

The look Thor gave her spoke louder than any words…

"What? I'm a professional!"

"Darcy… what you propose is unprofessional even outside of normal legalities. Remember New York?"  
"I do and that's why! I promise, just one session! I'll just talk to him. Just one!"

Thor sighed heavily once more, and Darcy grinned in spite of herself.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooo

What does one wear to a counseling session with the man who disposed of her off a building?  
Off the shoulder sweat shirt with matching gross sweatpants?

Tube top (to display the girls) and daisy dukes?

She wore a maroon sweater and a silky brown skirt Jane had given her when she first got her wheelchair (Darcy felt pants were no longer mandatory since her legs didn't work) with boots, building her confidence by wearing a bright red lipstick to match her excitement. Her interested was piqued and despite her logical side intensely protesting, Darcy couldn't resist picking Loki's mind, if only for an hour.

TWO HOURS LATER:

"Loki! LOKI! Stop screaming! STOP! I will NOT hurt you!"

Darcy was ready to jump off another skyscraper to finish off what Loki had started- the man wasn't just "mad" or "insane"- the dude was batshit cray. She was used to stress, to worry, to anxiety about a super-spy mission gone awry. Darcy had never seen a really diseased mental patient until that day, and that was when she gave up on "counseling" Loki.

Fuck it.

"LOKI! I'm sorry I made you remember! I'm sorry- I, I forgive you for your throwing me off a building! I- yeah, I do!"

Loki stopped screaming and eerily leered at her, searching her face for something unknown.

"What?"

"You know not what ails me, do you? You come with your harlot's lips and yet you are still as weak as ever. Did your mortal brain ever imagine that once, my mastery of magic could have repaired that which I have damaged? There is no such thing as an irrevocable mistake for a god girl; it would do you good to remember that."

His tone shift was startling- he had moved on from Texas Chainsaw Massacre to Hannibal Lecter, and somehow that was much more frightening.  
Then she processed what he had said.

"Magic? What- Loki… are you screaming about your magic? Is that honestly it?"

She was incredulous- it was as if she hadn't understood fully what he had said, and even Loki was aware of it. "Puzzling. You only comprehend that which regards me. How curiously mortal. Let me remind you again; I could put you back together again would my BLASTED NON-FATHER deign to return to me my rightful magic! I have earned the skill and he has bound it away into a corner of the universe blind to me!"

He sounded wounded and whimsical and entirely tyrannical- like Hamlet. The more Darcy thought about it, the more she liked the comparison. Norse God, Danish prince?

And then she finally heard it.

And that was when she shattered, out of the blue.

"WHAT?! You- YOU FUCKER! YOU THINK JUST BECAUSE- ooh god, I'm not gonna forget this- AGH!" Darcy screamed in frustration and turned her chair away, as tears streamed unbidden from her eyes, leaving her helpless to their ebbing flow.

Loki was silenced, and then a voice interrupted her sobs.  
"Lady Darcy, it seems that I've distressed you once again. Why is it that I am only capable of reducing you to tears? I am most dreadfully sorry for what I've done, whatever that may be."

Darcy stopped shuddering and turned slowly. Loki's face had smoothed somehow, and though his features were the same aristocratic elegance as they were before, something was different. He had seemed more than just crazy when his alter-ego stepped out- and then she clicked.  
"Odin separated your two sides and did a piss poor job, didn't he?"

She shook her head in astonishment- talk about multiple personality disorder.

The polite Loki smiled carefully at her and his face transformed- what were previously bruises beneath his eyes lined with wrinkles turned into faded bags surrounded by laugh lines indicating a pleasant man- not at all the psycho Darcy loved so.

Loki yawned, probably feeling the exhaustion of being delusional and crazed, and blinked, drawing Darcy's attention to his eyes. They were feathered with long black lashes, and were a gorgeous shade of pale green. The color reminded her of the ocean, not pristine and blue, but murky and jaded, hiding anything and everything beneath their depths. She then realized what had changed, and began to slap Loki furiously.

"What- Stop it- why!?" Loki grew understandably angry and flustered, spluttering with indignation until he emitted a roar. "ENOUGH! YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PILE OF FLESH, OF USE TO NO ONE- A BURDEN TO ALL WHO WOULD KNOW YOU!"

Darcy ignored the jibe and carefully peered into his eyes-

And smiled. She loved making correct hypotheses, and this was no different.

Triumphantly patting Loki on the cheek and rolling away, Darcy giggled, despite the piercing _blue_ eyes glaring daggers at the back of her head.


	6. Of Mischief and Madness

**I have a plot! I have a plot! Sorry for the vast gaps of time between updates but I never seem to have time to write! :) read and review darlings.**

They locked him up again.

Darcy had been so excited to tell Odin of her discovery- she imagined praise, a speedy search for a magic recovery to cure Loki of his split personality disorder- but instead she was given the royal silent treatment, her report unheeded as important.

"Frankly", said Queen Frigga, "it's simpler for Loki to remain like this. I love my son, but he is too dangerous when normal, and this way we can leave him be until he returns to his more docile self. It worked the first time."  
At that Darcy felt disgust- how could a mother, or any family for that matter, allow a child to go insane for the convenience's sake?

Still, she couldn't criticize Jane's ma-in-law.

It didn't stop her from complaining to Thor mightily, calling him a coward in the hopes of provoking him into action.

Sadly, Thor had become calmly wise over the years, and she had no effect on his decision to follow his father's wishes.

Jane was ballooning and Darcy couldn't bear to explain the true nature of the situation to her, worried for the little life growing inside her best friend. She had grown weak of late, but the royal healers reassured her that Jane's immortal body could sustain the baby-

that didn't really do much for Darcy, though. She'd seen Breaking Dawn, and despite the shittiness of the franchise she couldn't deny the truth of the film- giving birth to a half god/vampire was hell on the mother.

After a week of attempting to gain access to Loki again, Darcy was forced to give up. She was taken with a case of the flu, which was bizarre considering her being in Asgard at the time. Thor forced her to stay in bed, citing her health to contain her to her room. She knew he feared her finding his brother, but really, there were parts of the palace a girl in a wheelchair couldn't reach no matter how hard she tried.

The flu knocked her out for two weeks, and Darcy resurfaced five pounds lighter from all the vomiting. Rejuvenated and excited, she immediately visited Jane in her chamber, but was shocked to find her best friend in bed, feet swollen to little puffs and stomach straining in the already loosened robe.

"Darce... You're better! I'm so glad, I couldn't visit because of the baby of course, even though I technically can't get sick."

Darcy shook her head at how quiet Jane's voice was, and quipped, "Magic apples have that effect- by the way, shouldn't those prevent you from looking like you're dying?"

Jane's already white face grew even paler, and Darcy felt guilty for troubling her friend.

"Forget that, it was bitchy. Jane, are you really okay?"

"I'm alright. Carrying a god-baby takes all my strength, it seems. The healer says I'm going to be okay, but I'm still a bit of a high risk pregnancy."

Darcy wheeled herself next to Jane's bed, clasping her hand and sighing.

"I can't believe you're spewing out a little Thor or Jane from between your legs... Just yesterday you and I were eating Poptarts and crying over the Bachelor. Now look at us- you're about to be a mom and I'm a psychologist who's sort of diagnosed the god of lies with MPD. Only difference is that people believe that you're preggers..."

Jane groaned and rolled her eyes. "Darcy, the chances of anyone listening to you is low as it is- they won't even accept me fully! Hon, you've done a good thing and I'm sure Loki will be okay soon enough."

Just as Darcy was about to utter "Bullshit", an attendant entered the room with a summons for Darcy to go to Heimdall at the Bifrost.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you resemble Nick Fury?"

The guard didn't bat an eyelash, and yet a glimmer of humor sparkled in his eye.  
"Madame Lewis, there is a message from SHIELD. You are to return immediately to Earth for an evaluation."

"What?!" Darcy's surprise was evident based on the spit that landed on Heimdall's sword, which he delicately wiped off.

"I do not know the reasons for their demands Madame Lewis, I merely relay them to you."

She smiled uncertainly, curious as to why they wanted her back then. Bidding the guard farewell, she turned her chair to leave, interrupted by Heimdall's surprisingly quiet voice. "I would advise you to be careful Darcy. SHIELD may not like what you have to share, and you may suffer for your knowledge. Do not allow them to consume you any more than they already have."

His enigmatic warning floated in Darcy's head as she packed and made for her journey back to Earth.

_He was dreaming again. It began as always, in a swirl of white and blue and grey, consuming his very being in a spiral of anger and disappointment. Just as he felt himself slowly freezing to death, the scene would change to a golden palace of laughter and secrets. He was a shadow, lurking on the fringes of the fray and he was all alone. As the laughter grew louder, he grew even darker, until one day the black overcame the rest, leaving him... different. From there the colors morphed into a blur of hasty betrayal and nausea, and then dizzyingly pleasurable power tainted only by the fear of falling, falling, falling off a skyscraper- _

He awoke with a start, skin icy blue and shimmering with sheen of frost. Slowly, he counted to ten, relieved to find his skin fading back to its usual pink. Despite being awake he could still see behind his eyelids the flash of chestnut hair rippling in the air as she plummeted to her death- but she didn't die. He raked his hands through his hair, and lay back down.

Despite his best efforts, he couldn't stop visualizing a broken, beaten figure crumpled into the concrete, a halo of shining hair encircling her Virgin Mary face.

Darcy hated Nick Fury's office. It was the classic "I'm a man in power" style- chrome inlaid designs and chairs which couldn't possibly be meant to support a human ass. She also hated listening to his lectures, however infrequent they tended to be.

This time it had to do with taking care of herself.

Ironically, Darcy had expected to be reprimanded for her midnight rendez-vouz with Loki rather than her wellbeing, and that was pleasant as it was.

She didn't mind being back on Earth but she hated not being with Jane when she had clearly needed support- Fury was very aware of her displeasure, and promised to send the best doctors up to Asgard as means to calm Darcy.

Tense meeting concluded, Darcy had rolled out of the office towards the ridiculous elevator from hell which always seemed out of order when she needed it. She strained to reach the top floor button (of course her office was on the 56th floor) but couldn't. She was close to resorting to throwing her shoe at the button when the doors opened again for a man.

Darcy dropped her shoe when she noticed the glowing blue light of Tony Stark's chest, and immediately apologized.

"I'm so sorry, this isn't as weird as it seems!"

The man barely glanced at her, smirking at something on his phone as he mumbled "56th floor."

Darcy winced, cheeks flushing red as she whispered, "I can't."

Stark hardly heard her, only repeating himself after a few moments of Darcy's stomach clenching with nausea.

"I said, 56th floor." He was clearly annoyed at the inconvenience, and the old Darcy reared her head, pushing down all self-pity in lieu of sarcasm.

Flipping her hair, she made a show of desperately reaching for the top button, even going as far as to attempting to stand from her seat. It was then that Tony put his phone up and quickly pressed the button, uttering a "sorry" before staring at the elevator door before him.

"It's okay. I'm not offended, but your "I'm too rich for this plebian" attitude pissed me off."

She stuck out her hand, introducing herself. "I'm Darcy Lewis, ex-helper gnome for SHIELD research and more."

His grip was firm as he replied, "Tony Stark, otherwise known as Iron Man. I'm kind of a big deal- maybe you've heard of me?"

"You know, you do like kind of familiar…What're you doing going up to the nosebleed section of SHIELD anyways? The penthouse doesn't exist in this joint."

"I'm getting a forced psych eval. I've avoided them for months, and I've been threatened to get kicked out of this club if I don't get my head checked."

Darcy felt herself pitying the poor schmuck left to pick that man's pink matter- clearly, he was a narcissistic ego maniac with a killer fashion sense who happened to fight crime.

She laughed as he strode out of the elevator, wheeling herself out less than gracefully.

Darcy sat before her laptop, opening her email for the first time in months. She was sorting through the junk when a knock sounded on her door. _Great. Interruptions already._

"Come in!" was her cheery reply, anticipating a co-worker who may have actually missed her.

The door opened and who should stand there but her elevator companion-

Tony Stark.

"Oh! Hello Mr. Stark!"

The disbelief on Iron Man's face was hilarious to behold, yet somehow insulting. Darcy knew he was shocked that she could be the psych expert SHIELD had referred him to, and though she knew she was qualified, she couldn't deny that it stung to still be considered the coffee girl of so long ago.

Tony sat in front of Darcy's desk, crossing his legs and laughing.

"Son of a bitch. How do you do helper gnome?"

"I'm still good. I know that we've kind of ruined the whole doctor patient relationship type of thing in a matter of minutes in the elevator but I'd still like to help you out, if I can. I am a trained qualified professional, Mr. Stark, and I can listen."

Clearly Tony was a YOLO kind of guy, and so he leaned forward and put his head in his hands.

"I keep having these nightmares…"

….

When Darcy found out Jane was in labor two weeks later, she begged to return to Asgard. Fury had probably never seen a paraplegic person beg on their knees before, but Darcy definitely gave it her all. SHIELD officials were reluctant to give her the clearance to leave Earth once again but she was willing to do anything. Darcy even put in a word with Tony who had opened up to her a bit since their first couple of sessions. Not even his word, however, could sway Fury- he didn't want intergalactic travel to become a regular thing for Darcy Lewis.

After that, things began to fall into pieces, _once again. _As if life hadn't sucked as it was, Darcy missed the birth of her best friend's little girl, Lucy Jane. She was thirsty for any news of Jane, and secretly, Loki, but she received neither.

Months passed again, but Darcy was better this time. She was lonely but not alone- tentatively she made friendships with coworkers. Sometimes they'd get drinks, sometimes they'd grab lunch. Occasionally the man of Iron would drop by and talk for a few hours, always bringing Darcy some kind of dangerous new toy for her wheelchair. (She installed the taser into the arms of the chair but demanded a safety immediately).

At night it was tougher though. Her body yearned for contact of any kind, and she missed smelling a man's cologne on her pillows more than she cared to admit. Darcy coped, but that in itself was a burden.

One night in December, when the snow was falling fast and her fireplace was flickering slowly, Darcy was already in bed, dreaming. She was whole again, running down the streets of New York and dancing, singing, with her hair flying around her and her mind free of burden.

Suddenly, she felt something change in her subconscious- a darker presence, not evil but certainly not good.

Darcy woke up, sweaty and pale and _positive _that someone was watching her, and pretty sure of who it was, she called out in a surprisingly steady voice,

"Loki?"

She supposed that it was good she didn't faint when the tall dark figure stepped away from the shadows towards her bed.

It was unfortunate though, that she had chosen to sleep braless and topless that night.

How was she meant to anticipate visitors when she'd had none for three years?


	7. Heaven's Boulevard

**I feel like an ass ending that way but that's what popped into my 5 AM addled mind and ugh so awkward. Anyhoo on with my favorite story…. And thanks to all the followers and favorite-ers! Love you guys!**

The first thing she did was grab a tee shirt from the pile of laundry at the foot of her bed. Darcy was panicking internally, but externally, she was gonna be a cool motherfucker. Something about the darkness emboldened her, making her brave enough to maneuver herself into her wheelchair and switch on her lamp.

What she saw shocked her- before her was a crumbling version of the already frayed man Darcy had left in Asgard all those months ago.

Loki was slumped, clearly his mad self. Silently he stared at Darcy, his gaze almost searing in its intensity. She was frightened, not so much by the crazy god in her bedroom but more by the damage inflicted upon him. Loki Odinson had never been one for the untidy, wind tousled hair thing like Thor, but he did have some luscious locks. Now they were chopped short, lanky and disheveled to the point of insanity. His skin was pale and almost stretched too thin over his skeletal frame. His eyes were that eerie, glowing shade of blue indicating his evil self was in control, and Darcy had no idea how to react.

Her usual response to shit like this was to blather and cry, and this time was no different.

"Uh- er, Loki? I'm Darcy, in case you forgot, and we hung out in Asgard last time I was up there? Not really hung out, but I analyzed you, or well I tried except you were a screaming psychopath and I discovered the split in your personality!"

Loki's double take at the last statement encouraged Darcy to go further- "Remember? Baby blue eyes mean loco and sea green mean charming bastard. C'mon, tell me you know this!"

Inaudibly, Loki replied.

Darcy sighed and rolled closer to the tall man, asking gently "Please repeat that. I missed it."

Barely above a whisper, Loki quietly said, "I know of the battle in my mind. I know not of the cause."

_PROGRESS! _Was the initial reaction Darcy's inner psychologist had but she kept it in check, and instead asked, "When did this conflict begin for you?"

Loki dropped his gaze, and Darcy's heart fell. Unexpectedly, he walked over to her bed and tentatively sat on it. The instant he lowered himself onto the unmade mess, he deflated, as if literal tons of stress had been lifted from his shoulders. Darcy didn't know how to react but to position herself next to him, in a nonthreatening, non-confrontational pose. She then noticed Loki's clothing- ragged, worn apparel, once rich fabrics gone to ruin from abuse. He lacked armor, which was his crazy alternate personality's favorite outfit. Darcy kind of missed the horny helmet but that made her mind drift to inappropriate locations which _were not helpful at all that will do Darcy Lewis _and she forced herself to ignore the man on her bed.

In her reverie she almost missed his equally quiet answer to her second question.

"It was after I let go."

Darcy had no idea what context that was in but she assumed it was a metaphorical thing until he explained.  
"…as Thor was about to lay waste to the Bifrost, our father- his father, Odin, stopped us from near death. However, I was dangling from Thor's hammer, as Thor held on to our father's hand. I was certain that… I thought it would be different. I thought… I know not what I thought, but I knew that Asgard was no longer a place I could call my home- hence, I let go. I fell."

A tear dripped down Darcy's face as she saw an imperceptible shudder run through the god's body.

He was a jotunn? A frost giant? Gears began to shift and previously puzzling contradictions in Loki's personality became crystal clear.

Darcy turned to her bed side table to put on her glasses so she could examine Loki's eye color. Fumbling as she put them on, Darcy turned to find she was alone in the room with naught but a chill in the air and an indentation where he had sat on her bed.

SHIELD had to know Loki was wandering the halls at night- Darcy couldn't let another New Mexico/New York incident to every occur again. Fury didn't believe her at first until he sent some unit of agents to her apartment to scan with some kind of magic detection thingamabob that Darcy could not believe existed. Sure enough, the magic-o-meter buzzed like crazy when Darcy had them point it at the part of her bed where His Godly tush had rested.

Sadly, Darcy's Good Samaritan deed was ruined when Fury insisted on a bodyguard for her as well as a change of residence to the SHIELD dormitories.

The first night of purgatory was awful. Not only was Darcy forced to abandon her apartment for an indeterminate amount of time, but she also forbidden from leaving the tower, so she had to order pizza for one and then go to the lobby of the building to pick up said pizza. On her way back to her cage, Darcy had to pass by a training room, where she had to stop and ogle men lifting weights and practicing hand to hand combat. She eventually was asked if she was lost, so she had to return to her room.

After catching up on her research for her psych clients, Darcy watched Youtube videos and scrolled around Facebook. She also absentmindedly googled "multiple personality disorder"- an illness which may or may not actually exist according to several scholars. She was soon hooked and delved deeper into the articles, finding out causes for the original split as well as the ways used to treat it.

Darcy woke up the next morning unreasonably groggy and with two determined findings: 1st, Loki was already working towards merging his personalities, because he acknowledged that they both coexisted. 2nd, Darcy was sure beyond a doubt that Loki would seek her out again- and this time, she would be wearing a bra, and she would be ready.

That night, she dreamt she could walk. Darcy watched her sleeping form curl into it, one weak, useless leg poking out of the coverlet. Feeling elation like no other, Darcy subconsciously explored the halls of SHIELD, occasionally breaking into a run just for the hell of it. After what felt like hours, she stopped before a room- from within she could hear the slightest of noise. It wasn't quite crying but a whimpering, and without a thought she pushed the door open and entered.

Darcy didn't know what she had expected, but it sure as hell wasn't _this-_

_New York. Broken, battered, bashed to pieces- the aftermath of an epic battle._

_Darcy gingerly stepped around some rubble, sidestepping a giant crack in the concrete with steam gushing out of it. Despite the clear chaos, the scene is empty-_

But there's that whimpering.

Darcy follows the noise to its source, someone trapped beneath a pile of debris.

After frantic digging she was able to remove a chunk of the trash, revealing a small blue baby, wriggling and frightened when exposed to the sun.

She lifted the infant, cradling it carefully as it fussed and cried in her arms. The little creature wasn't just blue- it- _he_ was icy, chilly to the point of discomfort. Despite the smooth texture of the skin, the child had little ridged patterns on his face, and watery eyes a startling shade of red.

The baby began to settle, and soon it was peacefully resting. Darcy stroked his cheek with a gentle finger, but was startled when the sleeping infant tightly gripped her digit. What really freaked Darcy the fuck out, however, was when the baby suddenly heated up like a furnace, and its skin turned a pale shade of cream that was porcelain in its hue.

In her shock, Darcy jerked backwards, scaring the child awake. His eyes sprang open to reveal a familiar shade of green- fathomless like the sea, mysterious and beautiful like pure jade.

"Loki!" Darcy's exclamation was a trigger of some sort, and she immediately awakened in her bed. With her heart pounding, she attempted to move herself- no such luck.

Still, her dream had told her something-

Loki was reaching out to her, consciously or not. He wanted help, and he was asking her for it.

A very quiet, very bitter voice rang out within her as she resolved to aid the fallen god as best as she could…

_Remember the way he shattered your life? Who are you to pick up the pieces of his mess?_

She shoved down the niggling anger, just like always, and moved herself into her chair so she could grab her laptop and get a coffee from the cafeteria.

_3 Months Later_

Somehow, Darcy's life was either a high speed adventure with aliens and superheroes, or else it was a boring documentary about geriatric old women who spent too much time on the internet studying about certain gods. She had been so convinced that she was going to be the one to "fix" Loki- typical Darcy. She was the girl who always dated the loser, convinced she could help him heal.

Instead, her life was left hanging over a precipice- something life altering was about to happen and yet it never seemed to come.

Frustrated, Darcy fell into her work again. She saw patients, wrote case studies, consulted for SHIELD. Sometimes agents would ask her to "psychoanalyze" the baddie they were hunting down, which was a nice change of pace. Still, the constant feeling that her life was going nowhere began to resurface, and Darcy felt herself begin to slip into the darkness again.

Desperate to avoid the months of depression, she requested for the millionth time to go to Asgard and to meet her little Lucy Jane. Surprisingly, she was given permission, and was even briefed on important issues which she would report to Thor, as a diplomat from Earth.

Her arrival was mundane, for intergalactic space travel. Darcy ignored the gawking and booked it to Jane's quarters- she could hear singing inside- horrible, off key singing- and with great joy she carefully opened the door to the nursery.

"_Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree,_

_Eating all the gumdrops he can see,_

_Stop! Kookaburra, stop, kookaburra,_

_Gay your life must be…"_

In an awed whisper, Darcy exclaimed, "Jane, she's beautiful!"

The mother/goddess/astrophysicist broke into a giant smile, as she lay her now sleeping daughter into a delicate bassinet.

"Darcy!" in a stage whisper, Jane led her outside the nursery and into her bedroom, where she fell to her knees and hugged her best friend tightly.

"Jane, seriously, I'm this close to kidnapping your little nugget! She's so gorgeous, and she looks like a baby supermodel!" Darcy quietly rolled back to peek at the infant. She had Thor's glittering gold locks, curling softly on her scalp. Although she was sleeping, Lucy had lovely eyes- big, framed with lush dark lashes.

Jane proudly squeezed Darcy's shoulder and gestured outside towards a tray of fruits and wine.

Maneuvering their way into bed, the women began to reconnect. Jane was a wonderful mother- it was clear that she was born to care for someone else, and she had even given up poptarts for the sake of her daughter's health.

Darcy was glad to share her Loki story with Jane, who was rapt with attention. When she finished her strange tale, Jane closed her eyes.

"Darce… Loki's been recaptured. We've had him back for weeks, I though SHIELD would've told you!"

Darcy was quite unhappy that her boss was deceiving her again, but she was even more concerned with the state of the captive man who she had cradled in her arms.

"How did you catch him?" was her question after a long silence.

"He simply showed up one morning, beaten and weary. He let himself be taken, so we know he came by choice."

Jane's perfunctory answer made Darcy realize that this was not something her friend wanted to discuss, and she decided to change the subject.

As talk turned to Tony Stark and whether or not he was _in fact _boning his CEO Pepper, Darcy felt her mind wander back to the sea green eyes which had haunted her dreams. Whatever was going on, she wanted to investigate.

Brightly smiling, Darcy flipped her hair and prepared herself for a potentially dangerous experiment.

That night as she prepared to sleep, after a long evening of feasting and laughing with the royal family and the Warriors Three, plus Sif, Darcy was exhausted. She had just left the tub (Asgardian water pressure was divine), and was in her bathrobe, brushing her curling mess of hair. A soft Grace Potter song played against the silence- evenings made Darcy very aware of the fact that she was acutely alone.

Suddenly, the music stopped. Darcy assumed she had magically received a notification from Earth (not highly impossible, only highly unlikely).

Her phone showed no such thing, and her music wouldn't turn on.

Frustrated, Darcy resolved to fix her phone in the morning and returned to her beauty rituals. As she massaged lotion onto her knees, a quiet voice filled her mind.

"_I am here."_

Whirling around, Darcy was unsurprised to find the room was empty. With a resigned sigh, she pulled on some clean clothes and grabbed a flashlight.

Loki wanted to talk to her, and somehow she doubted he was gonna wait.


	8. The Screams All Sound the Same

**Semester's done and I'm free. Promise to update more frequently. Love you for your patience, guys.**

A voice in her head told her to roll down the halls behind the throne room, where gold dully glimmered in the dark like hidden treasure. Darcy wasn't sure if Loki was leading her or instinct but she followed it, hoping to end the madness which was consuming her days. Her wandering only lasted a short while, as she came upon a double set of doors, vast and ancient and simply radiating magic.

Darcy barely managed to open one door, terrified that she was going to awaken the entire palace and all of Asgard with the creaking. She shone her flashlight about the room, unable to figure out what she was seeing. It was a vast expanse, almost entirely dark but for a distant glow. Darcy carefully approached the minute source of light, desperately hoping to avoid awakening any mummies or vampires- anything her imagination could conjure up at the moment. She finally hit something with her flashlight's rays, and was relieved to find herself in a library until she remembered that she had spent most of the previous summer exploring the books of the royal library. This was nothing like that one, and it certainly wasn't in the back of the palace, tucked away like this one.

_Clever girl…_

Darcy groaned inwardly but was pleased- she had managed to find him just as he wanted. With growing speed she wheeled herself towards the light, which she discovered to be a fireplace. Before it were two armchairs, squashy and inviting, reminiscent of a Hogwarts common room. Absentmindedly wishing she could climb into one, Darcy looked for Loki. The small illumination provided by the fire revealed no one, and frustration rose within her.  
"Loki, quit the games. You called, I came."

_I was under the impression you enjoyed games, Darcy Lewis._

"What the-? Loki, get out of my head! Get out of the shadows- you, you, you-"

_Monster? Is that your word? Or beast, or villain? What tenacious label shall you slap upon me, little girl?_

Darcy frantically turned about to find the source of the taunting, but some parchment got caught in her wheel, something which had never happened before, and as she was turning around to look behind her the chair remained in place, sending half of her flying out of it. Darcy's legs followed her lurching torso as it landed out of the safety of the light, and in the shadows she began to panic, grasping about for her wheelchair.

She began to drag herself around, hoping to return to the light. The effort was too much for her though, and Darcy couldn't muster the strength to move herself any further. With a shriek of anger, she began to cry, loud pathetic sobs that made her loathe her situation even more than before.

The volume of her cries reminded her that the voice had gone suspiciously silent.

"LOKI! LOKI YOU BASTARD, YOU ASS! YOU KEEP MAKING ME FALL! God, what a joke- I'm stuck and I can't even crawl away from you with my dignity, is that what you wanted? To humiliate me, shame me? You fucking crippled me, and now every day is a reminder of how completely inconvenient and embarrassing my existence is! I wish I'd died when you let me go!"

Darcy was about to continue when a pair of arms lifted her carefully and returned her to the fire lit alcove, gently depositing her onto an armchair. She was unsurprised to see Loki's hollowed face above her, pale and dappled by the shadows like the moon itself. Darcy was angry over her poetic thoughts, but ignored them, instead choosing to ask, "What do you want from me Loki? I can't fix you, if that's what you think."

He stood before the fire, resembling Heathcliff from _Wuthering Heights-_ brooding, dark, destructive. Darcy pushed away the comparison and continued.  
"Listen, I get that you're twisted and messed up because of some seriously bad parenting- I get that, and I am sorry you endured it. That doesn't justify anything that you did though, Loki. You shouldn't have tried to kill the Jotunnheim, you shouldn't have tried to take over Earth, and you most definitely shouldn't have let your father split you in two."

He turned at the last remark, surprise etched across his face. The shock faded to a sneer almost immediately though-

"Are you to tell me what and what not to do? And what makes you, Darcy Lewis of Earth, qualified to tell me, Loki, son of Laufey, God of Mischief and Lies, what I _shall and shall not do_? I have existed for millennia, and you are a mere mortal. My decisions-"

She cut him off with an impatient "Pfft" noise.

"Exactly! Your decisions resonate so much more deeply because of that! Your actions are astronomical in scale when compared to mine, because of who you are! And it doesn't matter whose son you are, by the way. Fathers can either be there or not be there. That's what I've learned and from what I gather, rich or poor, the concept is consistent."

Loki's nostrils flared in anger and he strode before her, blocking out the light of the fire and making him look very _interesting. _  
"My actions are my own. I am a god. What justification do I require when my every act is hallowed?"

Darcy visibly gulped in fear as he leaned closer to her, uncomfortably near her face.

"You answer to mankind. Nature, karma, somehow- don't you feel it? The deaths, the pain you caused- don't you feel some of that pain yourself? Don't you suffer at night? Just as the families affected by your murders (she almost bit her tongue when she used that word) stay up at night wondering why."

She could literally feel the disdain and mockery coming off him like fumes.

He finally deigned to answer with a sneer.  
"You're a mortal lecturing a god. What do you know of true suffering, or of loss? I have never known home, or hearth, or familial love. I have only known shadows, and isolation, and loneliness. It is easy to forget that when thinking of Loki, son of Laufey. You have never seen my frost giant form, have you? You have never seen the terror of my kind, you can never understand my plight."

"I've seen it." Darcy was meek in her contradiction but she tried to sit up and speak up- "I've seen your Jotunn form. I've dreamt it. Or maybe I was astral traveling, I don't know. You were a baby, and you were the most pure shade of sapphire blue, a little bit cold to touch but still a beautiful baby. Your eyes were red in a different way, not devilish, and you were still an innocent, without evil. You didn't hurt me on instinct just because you were Jotunn… In fact, you sucked my finger and turned into a cuddly human baby because it was convenient to me- because your jotunn form was a little cold for my tastes. And your eyes… they were green like the sea. It's how I knew it was you…There's nothing wrong with your origins."

Loki was silent. He stepped away from Darcy and lowered himself onto the other armchair, steepling his fingers beneath his chin and shutting his eyes. Clearly, his head was aching again, and despite herself, Darcy was sorry for causing it. In an attempt to waylay the pain, she tried to strike a different approach.

"Have you ever read Dostoevsky; the Russian author? I'm specifically referring to his work _Crime and Punishment_."

Loki's silence didn't seem discouraging so Darcy plunged onward; trying to make her point without upsetting him.

"Well, the main character Raskolnikov- he's obviously brilliant but troubled, and he sees something he considers wrong and rights it. Sadly he does it by murdering a woman who he considers evil, without proper justification- and as collateral damage he also kills her mentally handicapped sister, an innocent to whom he wished no harm. He evades police capture and continues to narrowly avoid it, but still his body reacts adversely. If you recall, he was deliriously ill, hallucinating and seeing ghosts and delusions- all because of one thing."

Loki cast a glance at her, and then returned to his perusal of the contents of the fire.

"Well, to put it crudely- he may have fooled the police, but his body and his very nature could not cope with the enormity of his crime. They rejected it through illness, through madness. Do you recall? And yet he denied it constantly- psychosomatic disorder is what it's called, when the body reflects the illness or disturbance of the mind. Raskolnikov suffered until he chose to acknowledge his actions. He still felt no remorse, but at least he accepted the guilt as his own, caused by his actions. It's complex, but he finds peace. Maybe he isn't morally kosher at the end of the book, but he's better."

Loki finally looked up at this and shook his head.

"You think my situation that simple? Perhaps midgardians find tales of morality stirring but they are of little relevance to me. I am no common criminal. I know the extent of my crimes. I was not born to be a warmonger, yet I find myself fighting myself every second of the day. I cannot bear this much longer, and it is for this weakness that I called you."

Darcy literally yearned to move closer to him, to see his expression at that moment, but she was trapped by her legs again. She instead asked what was really on her mind.  
"Why me?"

His sigh was audible as he leaned forward, slouching like a normal person who was under a lot of stress.

"When the Allfather first performed the act of separation, he did not do a very thorough job. Though his magical powers still surpass mine in magnitude, they lack finesse and technique."

"So you're saying he did a hack job of your personality lobotomy?"

He winced at the description, but nodded.

"It is apt. He did indeed hack apart what part of my soul was moral and what was not. The inhibitor he then applied to suppress the less desirable side of me was strong, but not exact, nor was it made to last. I suppose his sloppiness reflected his innate shame in me as a son."

Darcy was fascinated but she realized he was still avoiding her question so she pressed on.  
"I asked why me. Why am I here?"

Loki straightened up, clearly ill at ease- _guilt. _

Darcy suddenly had an inkling as to how she could help Loki in the most rudimentary sense, but it would require time, and now was not the time for it.

"Why me, Loki?!"

"Will you be quiet?! This is not an easy tale to tell, and I am doing the best I can! It began all those years ago on your realm, when I let you fall to your death, supposedly. I felt nothing for the act for weeks, months even. Then, after the Allfather divided my mind, I sensed something beneath the surface- mild headaches, dizziness. I had lost memory of my previous actions and so I attributed it to menial stress. At night though, even then, I vaguely recall dreams… You were present even then. I know not why."

At this Darcy smiled, and she began to feel more confidence in her theory. Nodding, she encouraged him to continue.

"After Thor wed Lady Jane, and we encountered one another, I felt something within my mind snap- and that was when the magical bind mutated. It now encompasses two separate sides of me, one with goodness and morality and charm, and then this side… It was your presence that triggered it, and it specifically occurred because you told me of your… accident."

"Except it wasn't an accident."

"No, it wasn't. I did it. I am aware. I feel nothing though, if that is the purpose of your inquiry."

"No, I want to know why you called me."

"Let me continue then, unhindered by your inane commentary. I knew then that madness had overtaken me, as did Thor who hid me away from his father's sight. I suppose he feared what ill-treatment Odin may concoct in response. During that period… I remember naught but fury. I was wrathful and vengeful, and then at some point I saw you again and I completely lost control. After that I saw you every night, simply haunting me- you lay on the ground in New York, and for some reason I was affected, though I know not how."

"_GUILT" _was Darcy's only coherent thought at that moment but she still didn't feel like springing it on the big guy that his so called illness was really just another human problem.

Instead she said, "Loki, did you ever consider that the division in your personality lies not in Odin's magic but in your mind itself? What you consider distasteful within yourself- namely, your parentage, no offense- do you think maybe you've cordoned off what you perceive as wrong or disgusting about yourself, and that is what has manifested? All the weaknesses, and the vulnerabilities? I mean, even crazy world domination Loki took pleasure in what he was doing- you enjoyed it in a demented way. Now though… clearly, the division is harming you more than you think. You look sick."

Loki seemed shocked at Darcy's coherent theory and was at a loss for words. Darcy took it as an opportunity to continue edging towards her true line of thought.

"Also, my presence in your thoughts and dreams… maybe your psyche is using me as a symbol for something you feel. It could be an emotion so nebulous you required an image to place it with, or maybe you just were unfamiliar with the feeling so your brain associated the closest understanding you had of it with me."

Loki shook his head in aggravation-  
"No, it cannot be that! Do you really think my mind weak like a mortal's? I doubt that is your purpose in my mind, Darcy Lewis."

Clearly, Darcy realized, he needed to be led to enlightenment, and shock therapy always helped along the way.

"I guess maybe you're just sexually attracted to me. Maybe you just dream about me because I have an awesome rack and you want to motorboat the girls."

The shock on Loki's face was hilarious, if it hadn't led to a murderous expression that made Darcy gasp in fear.

"You dare jest of such crude banalities when I summon you?"

"Wait, wait- summon? Am I your waitress? I didn't go to school to deal with assholes like you, Loki. I didn't work so hard to overcome the damage you caused in my life, only to involve you once again. Do you really wanna know what I think is wrong with you?"

Her chest was heaving, her hair was now a mess, and Darcy was pretty sure a booger was peeking out of her nose, but she was past caring.  
Loki backed off and nodded tersely.

"I represent your guilt. I am a symbol of the enormous, huge, erroneous horribly guilt which was simply too much for your mind to bear, and rather than seeing you go insane, Odin decided to teach you a lesson and circumvent the end result. I think he overestimated your ability to take responsibility for you actions, though. And those actions were horrible. You almost ended the Jotunn race- genocide, Loki. You tried to take over the Earth and enslave all of mankind, all because of a shitty father. You caused the deaths of thousands, you caused destruction around the world, and countless lives were irrevocably damaged because of your reaction to some skeletons in the closet. Now, when you let go of me in New York, I was nothing to you- you thought you were going to win and get to do what you want. When you didn't, and your psyche couldn't deal with the maelstrom of your faults, YOU broke down first. Odin probably performed his magic as an act of kindness- he probably still loves you as his son, in his own weird way. It doesn't matter if you believe me, either, Loki. As a professional scholar of the mind, I do not believe that you will fully recover from this strain unless you recognize the wrongness of your actions. Remorse would be better, but at least acknowledging that you are guilty of something- I think you'll enjoy the results. In the meantime, I'd love it if you would put me back in my chair and give me my flashlight. I'd like to go back to my room, to give you some time to reflect on our discussion."

It was Darcy's psychologist closing line, and it worked. He shut up like a clam, shellshocked. Mindlessly, Loki picked Darcy up (she hated how much she loved his touch) and placed her in her wheelchair. Her flashlight was in her lap by the time Loki turned to face the fire once again. As Darcy began to roll away, she realized that she was sweating.

Had she managed to do a very good thing, or a very, very bad, catastrophic thing?

When she returned to her chambers, all was as before. Her iPod was working again, and her brush was on its original spot. As Darcy was settling back into her bed, though, a quiet voice rang in her mind for one final time that night.

_Thank you._

**I really want romance but I want logic and seriously, Darcy hates Loki and I need to accurately represent that. I promise it'll come though…. And when it does….**

**Please read and review, I will update very soon **


	9. Voices Soft As Thunder

**I'm inspired again! Hallelujah! Thanks for the reads lovelies, if anyone has any feedback or responses, drop a line in the review box. **

Jane knew something had changed, and even genial Thor was suspicious of Darcy's overnight mood shift from dour, to excited. As a couple they attempted to gang up on Darcy, first using their impossibly adorable daughter as a bribe.  
"Oh Darcy, Thor tells me that Lucy was trying to say your name yesterday!"  
Thor nodded and helpfully supplied, "It was a bit like, "Dar-da! Dar!" Darcy couldn't help bursting out in laughter at Thor's tragically bad impression of his child, and her wheelchair actually rolled a little from the force of her guffaws.

"Darcy, seriously. Just the day before you were homicidal; what's going on?" Jane's concern was palpable, and Darcy really did want to explain what was going on with her and Loki, but somehow she felt that her motives would be misunderstood. Jane would tell Thor, who'd tell Odin, and then she couldn't carry out her… experiment. Jane was too smart, and knew Darcy too well to let her carry on with such a self-destructive plot- if she found out. She figured that Jane might catch on if she continued with her euphoria though, so she toned it down a notch by acting depressed at dinner.

Thor had a very different suspicion from his wife, and it was probably closer to the theory Jane had formulated.

"Lady Darcy, I believe I now know the cause of your varying emotional state."

Amused, Darcy raised an eyebrow and nodded, saying "Continue?"

"I believe you have discovered a secret admirer, or a suitor. Perhaps even a new lover?"

Darcy's expression must have been ridiculous because Thor's reaction was worse- he stepped back as though apologizing and shook his head frantically, replying "I do not wish to offend you my dear sister, I merely wished to know the cause of your happiness so I may aid and abet it!"

The sweetness in the notion made Darcy roll forward and hug Thor's lower legs, and say "I know what you meant, and maybe you're a little bit right buddy. Don't tell Jane though, she'll be apoplectic."

Watching Thor leave (an activity she still enjoyed despite his being married to Jane- hey, his ass was GODLY) Darcy imagined if he was actually right. Imagine if she had a midnight lover, someone to extol her beauty and make her feel beautiful. Scoffing, she abandoned the thought and went off to find Lucy Jane to see if she really was about to say "Darcy".

That night, Darcy was in bed early. She wasn't sure if she ought to return to the secret library for another rendezvous with Loki, especially since he hadn't done his freaky telepathic thing at all since his eerie "thank you". Slightly frustrated, Darcy turned to her trusty friend, the iPhone, for some distraction. She wasn't a fan of playing stupid games but at that moment she was so engrossed by the latest edition of Angry Birds that she didn't sense the presence about her.

In fact, Darcy was unaware of anything amiss until she became angry at a certain level and abandoned her endeavor. It was then that she felt a chill in the air about her and a certain… _off _feeling, like she was being watched by something inhuman. Of course, she knew who it was, and she confidently called out, "Loki? Is it you?"

He stepped seemingly out of nowhere, and for the second time in her life, Darcy was in bed next to the God of Mischief.

She was aware of her stupid sleeping attire- woolen pajama set embroidered with pink cupcakes- so she tugged the covers up to her waist and leaned herself against the pillows.

He stood highly erect, like a soldier on duty. Darcy felt obligated to let him know, "So uh… have a seat. Something the matter?"

Her nonchalant tone irritated him, rousing him from the strange meditative state he'd seemed to be in at first.

"I am fine as I am thank you. As for your vague inquiry, there is something "the _matter_". I have reflected on our discourse from last night and I have some questions regarding this symbol you believe I hold you as." His tone was a bit curt, but Darcy was pleased that he was curious- it meant he truly was thinking about guilt, its nature, and potentially remorse!

_Excellent_ _progress_, she thought before she remembered his question.

"What's on your mind?"

He looked uncomfortable at first, clearly weighing out his words before he spoke them. Loki did then take a seat at the foot of her bed, and Darcy attempted to ignore the fact that she couldn't sense the slight pressure his body made on her unfeeling legs and feet.

"Darcy Lewis, you refer to yourself as "broken". While I understand the basics of Midgardian paralysis, I do not understand why you consider yourself as irreparably damaged."

_That was unexpected, and incredibly callous. Maybe her progress wasn't so excellent…_

"Well, I say broken because I don't function correctly anymore. Also, I am irreparably damaged. I cannot be healed through surgery, as my spinal cord was broken when I made contact with the ground. Technology hasn't progressed to the point where I can ever have the use of my legs again. Does that clear up your confusion?"

He didn't look very reassured, and seemed reluctant to ask the next question;

"Has this… paralysis caused you any social discomfort?"

_Oh… he wishes to understand the impacts of his actions. That's progress! _

"It has. People don't look down on handicapped individuals as a general rule anymore on Earth, but there are definite prejudices and discriminatory issues. I get judged for my wheelchair, and I know there are people who just don't like the idea of "cripples" People think we're burdens, sucking up tax dollars so we can have ramps and special parking. Most of all, I've noticed that there people who are so uncomfortable with the reality of my situation, that they treat me like a child." She used bunny ears when she said cripples, to emphasize the oddity of the term.

Loki's expression became unfathomable at that point, but he did ask one last question.

"How has your paralysis affected you psychologically?"

_That is a baaaaaaaaaaaad question, Darcy. How do you say years of chronic depression without making the man feel horrible?_

"Um… well, at first I was angry. That's a natural response, to be angry. I then accepted it, kind of learned to adapt to it. I never really had much of a life to lose to begin with, what with me being so young at the time. My friends made it better; I did have a lot of darkness though… Actually, Loki, I won't sugarcoat it. I was and am _still_ highly depressed about my useless legs, and there are times when I wish I could kill myself!"

Loki seemed startled at her violent outburst, but remained silent.

By then, Darcy felt too upset to just stop talking. She continued, "By the way, buddy, your popping in and out of my life like a poltergeist is getting real old, fast! I'm not able to turn off my emotions like a faucet- if I see you, I get angry! I get scared, I feel guilty, and then you go away for months and I'm left feeling a fool for thinking someone like you needed help from someone like me!"

The tears were threatening to fall again, but Darcy ignored them, focusing solely on her anger for the very first time since her fall from grace in New York.

Loki, on the other hand, seemed calm, albeit slightly tinged green from discomfort at being mentioned as a cause of her misery. That little face he was making- rolling his eyes to the ceiling as if to say, "Oh god, emotional female", plus pursed lips and slicked hair like Jay motherfuckin' Gatsby- it made Darcy angry… really, really angry. And she decided it was time to whip it out on him- the big one.

"Actually, Loki- I know why you're here. You're grasping around, looking for the root of your guilt, whether you admit it or not. You think I make you feel guilty, am I right?"

His belated nod was all Darcy needed.

She yanked off the bed covers so quickly that Loki couldn't make it off the bed in time.

"Look! LOOK!" Darcy pointed at skinny, wasted legs, lying limply against the silken sheets.

"Lady Darcy, I am unsure as to what you wish for me to see."  
_That is it._

"YOU DID THIS. LOKI, YOU DROPPED ME OFF A BUILDING, ON PURPOSE, AND I BROKE MY SPINE AND LOST THE USE OF MY LEGS AND NOTHING HAS BEEN OKAY SINCE. I HAVE BEEN SO MAD THESE PAST YEARS- I just…. I have no future Loki! I'm probably not gonna find love, my legs will probably never work again, SHIELD will forever treat me like an embarrassing cousin, Jane will be a goddess and live forever while I sit on Earth waiting for death to take me away from it all!"  
At this point she was crying, and she let her hair fall about her face to hide some of the tears.

_**Loki POV: **_

Somehow, he had made this happen. Without his other half, Loki could not ascertain exactly what it was he had done to make her cry, but he did not like it. Much of what she had said to him last night had infuriated him- despite the logic of it. Although he knew he had always been morally dubious at best, Loki was aware of a complete lack of emotional response to his misdeeds, and that was indicative of his altered mental state.

Even as a boy, he remembered feeling bad for breaking his mother's vase, or cutting off Sif's hair. What had happened to him as a man that prevented him from accessing his proper emotional responses?

Was he truly a sociopath now?

A loud sob interrupted his thoughts, as Darcy attempted to turn herself to her side while maneuvering her legs to follow. A wave of… _something _overcame him as he stood to help her lift the comforter to cover her, hide her obvious embarrassment at the useless nature of her legs.

Absentmindedly, he reminded himself that it was really his fault she was even embarrassed in the first place, and that was when a correct synapse _finally _fired-

_He _was the cause of Darcy Lewis' paralyzed legs.

_He _was the reason why Asgard had lost its alliance and esteem with Jotunnheim.

_He _had killed thousands on Earth, and it was he who was willing to sacrifice everything for revenge.

_He _had nearly murdered his brother, Thor- his only friend and ally left in the universe.

_He _had nearly sacrificed Earth and Asgard to Thanos, the universe eater.

_He had almost ruined everything- and all for a case of hurt feelings. _

Darcy looked up at him in concern- Loki realized he was shaking, and he almost ran out of the room to compose himself when she grabbed his hand and shook her head.  
"Stay. Tell me what you're feeling."

That was the tipping point.

Darcy Lewis had every reason to loathe Loki- and she probably did. Yet somehow, she kept on putting aside her personal feelings for the sake of his mental wellbeing, simply because she knew it was the right thing to do.

How was he supposed to compete with such total goodness- in a human being, no less?

An overwhelming sense of sadness welled within him, and Loki could feel tears beginning to rise for the first time in years.

He knelt on the floor next to her bed, head held in hands as his face contorted with tears and anguish. Darcy wasn't sure if she had managed to get his two sides to reunite, but she was sure something was going well.

She felt bad though, for making anyone experience all that guilt. Darcy knew it was necessary though, not only for Loki but for her too. She wanted nothing more than to forgive him, to grant him absolution of his sins, but that was impossible until he acknowledged them.

She lost herself in thought as Loki gasped and shuddered near her feet, clearly struggling to conquer some feeling.

It wasn't until Darcy felt the pressure on the bed increase that she realized Loki had climbed on, although he was carefully avoiding her legs. He grasped both her shoulders like a drowning man, and Darcy was frightened.

Loki was staring at her, making such direct eye contact that she felt uncomfortable.

"Loki, tell me. What's in your head, what are you feeling?"

He shook his head and deeply swallowed.

"I cannot explain it… I just… Darcy, I'm so sorry. I cannot imagine the life you lead, and I cannot fathom how many other injustices I've caused to innocents like you! I literally can't imagine how many people I've hurt- Oh, my head!"

_BINGO BINGO BINGO!_

Darcy was about to victory dance when she realized a crying god was still holding onto her for dear life.

"Loki, breathe. Breathe, because what you're feeling is guilt, and it is good. Now come on, breathe."

Loki's breathing began to slow, and Darcy felt her racing heart calm down as well.

"Lady Darcy… I do not know if I am well again. I am… confused. I feel terrible, like I can never feel happy again… and yet, a great weight is gone! I feel lighter, freer."  
"Ah, catharsis. It's wonderful, no? You are experiencing the impacts of your actions, but you feel better for acknowledging them."

She ruefully smiled, aware that she was taking part of an immense moment in his private life.

Typical, they didn't call her Third Wheel Darcy for now.

Loki wiped his eyes at this point and shook his head.

"I'm not quite sure if I'm quite… whole yet? I feel more like my old self though… I don't know. I just feel better, but still awful."

He did look better though.

"Loki, I think you should look in a mirror. Seriously, go check. Your skin looks less deathly-pale, your eyes aren't as sunken in, and the lines around your mouth don't make you look 40 anymore."

Darcy actually did a double take as he gazed at himself in the mirror. He _did _look better- hotter, insanely so. A small smile broke on his face as he examined his reflection, and Darcy could feel her heart breaking with something completely unwanted and unnecessary.

_NO DARCY NO YOU CANNOT LIKE THIS MAN THIS MAN IS A MINEFIELD AND HE'S ALREADY BOMBED YOU ONCE._

Sadly, her heart was slow to get the message, and went right on ahead with developing a little bit of a crush on Mr. Loki God of Crushing Darcy's Spine.

(It was a bit of a mixed emotion, really.)

He poofed out of her room shortly afterwards, to speak with Thor or something.

Darcy wasn't sure if she was happy or sad to see him go- all she knew is that she wanted to go to bed and never wake up, because her chances of finding happiness were slimmer than ever.

The next morning was a bit of a shock to Darcy's system.

She awakened normally, showering and doing her hair nicely for once. Her skin seemed a bit tired, so Darcy took the time to apply the barest amount of makeup. She wasn't sure if she was okay with the end results, but a swipe of red lipstick helped cover up her shaky self-confidence, along with a comfortable dress the color of her eyes.

The dining room was empty but for Thor and baby Lucy Jane, who was babbling to herself as her father attempted to feed her some kind of gruel.

Darcy rolled to her spot next to the baby (no chair was set there because Darcy had her own) and grabbed a roll, nodding good morning to Thor.

"Lady Darcy, you look well today."

She swallowed her giant bite of bread and shook her head.  
"It's all in the makeup, but thank you. I'm glad someone likes my red lipstick; whenever I wore it in New Mexico, Jane would accuse me of wanting to attract the "wrong kind of customer" whatever that means."

Thor laughed at his wife's quirks (naturally) and Darcy occupied herself with playing with the baby. She was almost ready to depart for a tour of some lab Jane had been working on when footsteps echoed about the great dining hall.

Thor stood at the sight of the visitor.  
"Brother! It is good to see you this fine morning. Break fast with me?"

Loki walked in just as Darcy playing peek-a-boo with Lucy. She was hiding behind a piece of fruit when across from her she caught sight of familiar green eyes. Thor apologetically shrugged at Darcy and grasped her hand, but she shook her head to let him know that she was okay.

Clearly, the situation was awkward, but nothing fixed an awkward situation like a baby. Darcy picked up Lucy from her high chair and placed her on her lap, to take her for a walk.

"Hey Lucy Goosey, what're you up to today?" Darcy was keen to avoid overhearing the brotherly conversation that was about to occur, and very nearly escaped until she heard Loki ask, "Is that my niece on Lady Darcy's lap?"

_Aw crap. I almost made it, too._

**I'm working an angle here, redemption doesn't come easily to me. **

**Thanks for the reading, please review darlings! Hearts, xoxo**


	10. It's You Who Have Further to Fall

**I'm sorry this is all so slow and kind of crappy. I'm un-beta'd and busy with my senior year of high school, but this is really going where I want it to plotwise. Thank you guys very much! Happy New Years! Love you all!  
**"Is that my niece, Lady Darcy?" Loki repeated himself more insistently, clearly determined to accomplish… something.

_Crap. No running now._

Twirling a finger in Lucy's downy curls and gritting her teeth, Darcy forced herself to turn around and face the brothers.

"Lucy Jane Thordottir, I would like to introduce you to your uncle, Loki, God of Mischief. Loki, this is your niece, Lucy. She likes baths and being carried around like the princess she is, don't you honey?"

Darcy glanced at Thor, who was obviously confused but overjoyed by the exchange. She hadn't realized how heavily Loki's problems had weighed on Thor's mind, considering how jovial and happy go lucky her large friend was. It made sense, she supposed, but seeing Thor despair saddened her.

"Lady Darcy, Thor- may I join you at the table?" Loki's voice was normally modulated, with a BBC tone and inflection, but Darcy could hear a new, pleading note to his words. Without a word, Darcy gestured towards the breakfast table and returned to her spot next to Thor, who was positively beaming from ear to ear.

Lucy at this point was tired of the boring adult conversation and small talk, and made her presence known by shrieking a series of unknown baby words out to the captive audience.

Thor and Darcy were very used to the diva-like antics of the little princess, but Loki was startled, and asked, "Is she alright? Is the child ill?!" He rushed towards Darcy, unsure of what to do.  
Darcy and Thor burst into laughter as Lucy stuffed her fingers into her mouth and kicked her feet. Loki realized his mistake and looked sheepish, and made his way to a seat across from Thor. Darcy sat to the side, away from either brother.

Silently, Thor handed Loki a plate. Loki looked at its contents, uttering a quiet "Thank you" before he dug into the food. Darcy discreetly examined Loki's plate- you could tell a lot about a man from his breakfast. Loki's plate was surprisingly full, with a pile of oaten cakes and ham, along with several peeled oranges and rolls.

Watching him eat was also strange. Despite his slender frame, Loki ate a LOT. Darcy was distracted from her observation by a quiet snoring- Lucy had dropped off to sleep. Grateful, Darcy moved the sleeping baby so she was cradled in her arms more comfortably.

Thor was also eating again; the god ate twice as much as an Olympic athlete, consuming more than 20,000 calories in a day if possible. Jane had once confided in Darcy that Thor's appetites had been frightening at first- the man was voraciously hungry for _everything, _in the kitchen and the bedroom. Darcy had laughed then, but now she wistfully wished she could have that complaint.

She supposed Thor had to eat, though. He was trying to repair a hopelessly mangled and torn relationship with his brother and what better way to mend it than with food? Shifting a bit, Darcy shut her eyes and rested, absentmindedly wishing she could feel Lucy's solid weight on her lower half.

_He never meant to listen to her thoughts, but somehow he couldn't avoid it. At some point he had mentally connected with Darcy, probably subconsciously on both their parts. Mostly she was a dormant presence in his mind, something he could ignore unless she was concentrating on him. _

_The idea of her spending so much thought on him was disconcerting at times, but he felt he could understand the mortal's motives. He had, after all, crippled her and changed her life forever. Besides, after the previous evening, he was willing to allow the girl anything, to be honest. Somehow she had triggered an emotional response which had eluded him for years, and freed him from a madness he could not bear to endure. _

_She was really rather extraordinary for a mortal. It didn't truly hurt his pride to concede that a Midgardian could be special, but most of his people wouldn't approve of a notion like that. Loki knew that by normal standards, Darcy's tolerance of his presence was unusual. The fact that she could sit there, playing with a child despite her own barren state, watching the god who broke her back eat breakfast without batting an eyelash was beyond his comprehension. _

_Actually, she was asleep. Loki was a bit surprised at her comfort level with his niece, and as a slight wave of envy washed over him, he rejoiced. He wasn't sure how she had managed to force his mind to reknit itself into one, but he could never repay her. It was when his knife cut nothing that he realized that his plate was empty. Thor had filled it with his favorite foods; they had grown up together- played together, fought together. Thor's words from Germany, so long ago it seemed- they rang in his mind like a bell tolling. _

_Suddenly, __**she**__ was in his mind once more. It wasn't a coherent sentence or even a thought- all Loki could sense was an overwhelming sadness over Lucy's weight on Darcy's legs. He couldn't understand it, so he gently probed her sleeping mind. It wasn't a fully formed idea at all- all Darcy was projecting was a desire for… normalcy._

_She wanted to have a baby of her own clearly. The way she curled her arms protectively around her friend's sleeping child, even clung to her. Loki could scarcely bear the longing emanating from Darcy, and as she once again focused on Lucy and her legs, he supposed that maybe Darcy was mourning._

She could feel him staring, so she opened her eyes. Darcy was highly uncomfortable with the situation, and was surprised to see a strangely soft expression on Loki's face. It was unsettling, enough so that Darcy abruptly handed Lucy to her father and exited the room.

Thor turned to Loki, puzzled, and moved on. He had much to discuss with his little brother, and the first topic of discussion would have to be the nature of Loki's relationship with the frazzled brunette.

Darcy, in the meantime, had escaped to see Jane, her voice and literal Goddess of Reason. Jane was alone in her room, reading a scroll and sipping tea. Seeing her best friend look so pristine and calm was irritating to Darcy, but she pushed it aside to get to the real issue.

"Jane… I think I romantically like Loki."  
The tea fell to the ground with a clatter.

"WHAT?!"

Darcy had expected that, considering the bombshell it really was. To be quite honest, she wasn't sure how or when it had happened- all she knew was that the look on Loki's face had made her happy.

Happy.

He, who had ruined it all, was able to overcome Darcy's crippling depression in an instant with a misty frown and eyes the color of the sea- he, who had broken Darcy, was able to cut through the emotional turmoil with a single _look. _

It was infuriating.

Jane was pretty mad too, and when Darcy explained her inexplicable feelings, she nearly screamed. Darcy had to listen to a long lecture on emotional responsibility and irrationality, and after a while Jane started sounding like a repetitive harpy, and Darcy had to get out.

By the time she had made it to her bedroom, a massive migraine was pounding behind Darcy's eyes, and the pain was almost impossibly intense.

Sipping on cool water, she got into bed, easing her aching back on top of a pillow. Lately her lower back had begun to throb whenever she was stressed, and although it wasn't intense, she was starting to get worried. In fact, Darcy was generally fatigued, all the time.

It used to be the depression, but now that had all but dissipated into an overwhelming confusion of guilt, attraction, and grief. She was tired, bone deep, and she wanted nothing more than a man to love her and for her legs to work again.

Closing her eyes to nap, Darcy allowed herself to drift and relax.

_Loki had retired to his room after an arduous, endless talk with Thor, who had begged to understand what had gone so wrong._

_It was incredibly difficult to articulate the sorrows of Loki's childhood compounded with the revelation that he, previously Odinson, was now Laufeyson- a Jotunn. Thor actually took that part well- it was the bargaining with the Chitauri that truly grieved his brother. Add to that his humiliating defeat on Earth, as well as Thanos, the mysterious force which had originally controlled his mind. _

_Thor had been overjoyed to find that Loki was not entirely in control of his actions and decisions while he had been on Earth, and had immediately ran to report to Odin. _

_Loki had stripped to his under armor clothing, simple breeches and a linen tunic that did not over heat him. As he reclined on his bed, his __**old **__bed of his childhood, a sudden wave of sleep enveloped him. Soon he succumbed to the grogginess and fell into a deep sleep. _

Darcy didn't know where the fuck she was. Her legs were working, so she knew it wasn't reality, but she definitely wasn't dreaming. It was a room similar to the library where she had met Loki two nights ago, which led her to assume that the situation had something to do with said God.

"Loki? You here?"

Darcy roamed the room, enjoying the rare mobility. After waiting a few beats, she broke into a run, feeling a freedom she had never before experienced. She ran and jumped and danced for what felt like hours, but could only have been ten minutes at most. Out of breath and exhilarated, Darcy took a moment to catch her breath.

Bent at the waist, she meditated in her own way, by touching her toes and clearing her mind. That concept went to hell when the sound of clapping approached her, joined with the heavy thud of a leather boot meaning _he _had finally decided to show up.

"You put on quite a show, you know." He was Mischievous Loki right now, and she wasn't sure if she liked it. Darcy knew she was vulnerable to his charms at the moment, and was scared of giving any indication of liking Loki.

In response, she flipped him the bird and asked, "Where are we?"

Laughing, Loki gestured about him expansively.  
"This is where we meet when our bodies slumber and our minds awaken."

"You mean, we're dreaming and somehow we're in each other's dreams?"  
Loki sighed heavily and shook his head at that, clearly annoyed at her logic.  
"Did I say dream? If I was dreaming right now, you would be unaware of it when you awakened, and vice versa. This is a connection akin to an astral projection- it seems you've taken residence in my thoughts, Darcy of Midgard."  
His playful, teasing tone was getting difficult to bear, and the revelation that she was somehow connected to Loki was unnerving.

"Does that mean you can read my thoughts?" Her concern was quite palpable, as was the obvious horror written all over her face.

Loki laughed again and shook his head. "No, Lady Darcy. You merely tend to show up in thoughts when you subconsciously wish it- or so it seems. You have yet to make a conscious effort to reach out to me."

Her inner scientist's interest was piqued, but Darcy controlled it by asking, "Can we sever this bond?"

Loki's buoyant mood seemed to flicker at her inquiry, and Darcy could feel a twinge of guilt, but she forged on.

"I know not, my lady."

With that, Darcy could feel herself returning to her own, separate, lonely consciousness.

As she awakened, she found tearstains on her face and pillows.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoOoOoOoO

She spent some weeks awkwardly avoiding him. It wasn't blatant, but it was obvious to all who knew Darcy that something had occurred between her and Loki.

Jane approved of Darcy's avoidant, ambivalent behavior, and was openly supportive of her at all times. Thor, on the other hand, was not as pleased. He had hoped Darcy would help him rehabilitate his brother, who was now under a sort of godly probation under Odin's supervision.

SHIELD had also been debriefed on Loki's mental breakdowns, as well as the involvement of Thanos in his decision making. Although Fury was less than pleased to hear of a new threat, he was glad to remove Loki from his list of people to kill/torture/punish.

Odin had shown little signs of approval for his son's apparent recovery, and instead continued his preferred ignoring of Loki. Darcy wasn't exactly thrilled, considering that it had been an original cause of Loki's issues, but she had her own problems to worry about.

SHIELD had also informed her that she was no longer a psychiatrist for their agency, citing reasons of "great service" and offering her an early, honorable retirement.

It really meant that they wanted her to stay on Asgard as a minimum risk witness to Thor and his fellow Avengers, and that infuriated her.

Although she was initially upset, Darcy hadn't actively felt any anger or loss at the time. She was only made aware of her feelings through a series of midnight mental liaisons with a certain green-eyed monster.

"_We have to stop meeting like this, Lady Darcy."  
"Shut up Loki, I don't know how to shut off our stupid dream-connection."_

_He was irritated at this. "It's not a dream; it's your very being reaching out to me of its own volition."  
This made her angrier. _

_And that was when she began to cry. _

"_What's the matter?!" Loki was terrified of a crying Darcy, as he was usually the cause of the tears. This time, however, she was upset about her pink slip._

"_I don't know why they couldn't just let me stay and be useful!"_

_He wasn't sure who she referred to, although he had his suspicions. He wasn't close to Darcy at all, since of late she had been out of his sight due to his sister-in-law. _

"_SHIELD. Fucking SHIELD and stupid Fury fired me because they didn't wanna deal with my shit anymore. As though I haven't dealt with shit because of them, right? I first lost my ability to live my life, because Thor came into our lives in New Mexico; and then the fiasco with you in New York and my legs… and then I got all depressed and fuck it all if SHIELD isn't the reason for all of this?!"_

_She was openly upset now, so Loki awkwardly attempted to comfort her. He laid a hand on her arm, hoping she would stop crying, but instead she shot him a murderous look._

"_What, may I ask, are you doing?"  
He panicked. _

"_I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'll just go away, I'll… I'll try to end this connection right now, sorry!"_

_She shocked him for the millionth time when she shook __**her **__head and laughed. _

"_You know what? Don't. I like this. I like being able to walk, I like talking to you. Or, arguing really. It's escapism, but it's totally necessary."_

_He wasn't sure why, but he was glad she hadn't let him close their connection._

So it went.

Darcy stayed in Asgard, unofficially as the girl who fixed the unwanted Frost Giant. She was totally isolated, shunned by most Asgardians as unworthy of their attention. She had no contact to Earth, no friends besides Jane and Thor who were both very busy, and no access to the internet. This led Darcy to two things.

First, she replaced Lucy's nanny as her caretaker.

Second, she made a truce with Loki.

The former was obvious- she loved the girl and knew how to play with her and put her down for naps just as well as her mom and dad.

The latter though… it involved two weeks of sleepless nights without any astral psycho-shit.

Darcy decided that she liked talking to the dude, even if it meant emotional trauma and hormonal fluctuations of the horny sort. Somehow, she had gone from absolute hatred to a manic attraction coupled with disgust and mistrust.  
Darcy was afraid she would get in over her head, but then she figured, Why not?  
So she would read books and discuss them with Loki in the library, if he happened to be there. (He always was after 2.)

So she would experiment in the kitchens and make chocolate chip cookies for Lucy (and Loki, and Thor, and Jane, but mostly Loki).

So she would visit with the god on a nightly basis, bickering and walking and exploring the stretches of the human/godly mind.

It was okay, better than before but mostly just alright. Darcy knew that desolation could come at any time, so she made the most of the moderate happiness she was experiencing.

Sometimes, in her real, non-connected dreams, Loki would be present… except he would be her husband, holding a baby, or holding _her _in his arms….

And that was the most dangerous threat to her happiness, wasn't it? But conversely, they were the sweetest dreams of Darcy's life, and she would wake up to a smile on her lips.

**I'm so tired of not shoving Loki/Darcy together into a loving, healthy relationship.**

**Damn this stupid plot. Really though, thank you all. Please read, review, and tell me how to improve. If anyone is interested in beta'ing, PM me please, I'd love the help. Also, look for a real step in the romantic part of Darcy's life next chapter. **


	11. I Tell My Love to Wreck It All

**Okay, I'm finally ready to move this ship forward- and I mean that literally! Hope you love this!**

Darcy had accepted her place in Asgard as the world's biggest third wheel, and she'd also accepted that she'd probably never be in a stable, healthy relationship with anyone- forget about romance with a man. It was tough, but she was mostly over it. The only real thing to bother her was her embarrassingly infantile crush on Loki. She'd gotten a handle on the whole "mind meld" issue, to the point where even if she called out to him in her sleep, her subconscious would shut it down before the message went through. It was a difficult process, involving intense reading of Asgardian scrolls at all hours of nights, but she was determined to keep control of her feelings and thoughts. The idea of Loki knowing how she felt about him, however convoluted her emotions were, was unacceptable. Besides, she had other matters to attend to.

Jane, Thor, and Lucy, plus the royal in-laws were on a royal tour of Yggdrasil , exploring their neighboring realms and maintaining ancient alliances, as well as forging new ones. The palace was empty without the golden family, but Darcy was content to simply snoop around and discover the secrets of the Asgardian royal family. Although she failed to find out what was beneath Odin's eye patch (sadly none of his personal servants would talk), Darcy did begin a case study on the Asgardian culture. Considering her rather unpleasant initial encounter with the people, Darcy was going at it with an open mind and clear eyes, aware that she wasn't about to make any new friends any time soon.

Her method of learning was simple.

Darcy wasn't really big news on Asgard- she was Princess Jane's crazy cripple friend who caused scenes- but she would have one or two royal guardsmen escort her to some part of the city, like the market or the harbor. The bustling, colorful crowds and loud merchants made her feel like she was in New York City again, and for a few days Darcy was having the time of her life. She would try new foods, explore the exotic shopping stalls, and haggle with vendors who were more often than not spectacularly good looking. Darcy relished arguing over the price of a shawl softer than a butterfly's wing, fulfilling an unknown craving for human/Asgardian contact. Best of all was the fact that her mind was stimulated for the first time in months. Though she adored caring for baby Lucy, Darcy missed her psychologist's office and the challenge of discovering and aiding someone whose mind was a little (or a lot) twisted.

The conclusions she drew from her anthropological endeavors were written in a leather bound journal she had received as a gift from an overly enthusiastic shopkeeper.

Day 1: I saw a fat Asgardian today. I was shocked, as this was the first I've observed in over 6 months of residence. Also, they have fruit that moves by itself.

Day 2: It seems that the culture here dictates a very gender-fluid kind of fashion and society. Women are free to roam and dress as they wish, and they're all very dynamic sort of people.

Day 3: I wish there were more imperfections here. I stick out like a sore thumb and everyone stares. My chair seems louder and my boobs seem obscene compared to these graceful people.

Day 4: Things aren't as rosy as I imagined. Underbelly of city is rotten to core- thriving sex trafficking, sadly, and there are a lot of illicit substances here too. I can't imagine what a god must smoke to get high…

Day 5: I realized that Loki has been gone since last week. Asked Heimdall where he was, all I got was that L was still in the palace. Where could he be hiding? Also bought a lovely perfume from the nicest old man in an ancient looking apothecary. Gorgeous place, I wish I had a camera.

Her chronicling ended there- a wave of some kind of flu struck the city and Darcy was amazed once again at the vulnerability of the gods. Somehow they could get _sick_?

Anyways, she was tired of watching people walk and run and dance and even have sex. As fascinating as the city was, Asgardian people were prejudiced snobs at the end of the day and she couldn't comprehend why Loki was so desperate to gain their approval. A mean, petty part of her was glad that she was completely immune to the mysterious flu, and then she felt bad, mostly because she was confined to the palace.

After attempting to amuse herself by rolling around the palace hallways at breakneck speeds, Darcy decided to try and find Loki. She was miserably bored, and a sick part of her desperately wanted to see his face again.

She began by discovering the whereabouts of Loki's bedchamber- which was, surprisingly, unlocked. Upon entering however, Darcy discovered the god of mischief's true capabilities- the room was empty, bare to the bones. She was about to turn around and leave when she imagined a low chuckle- Loki's chuckle. Darcy peered even more closely at the vacant space, and suddenly the illusion was revealed to her. The room was clearly enchanted to render its contents invisible to unwanted visitors!  
Laughing to herself, Darcy rolled out of the room, vowing to one day see Loki's innermost sanctum. She was intent to return to her search when a serving girl delivered a letter from Jane to her, and distracted, Darcy forgot her miniature quest.

Days passed, and Darcy grew increasingly concerned.

Loki was still missing, Thor and Co. were still on vacation, and the flu had become a bit of a pandemic.

Her nights were sleepless again; her days were long and listless.

The darkness was beginning to pervade her life once more, and for the first time in years, Darcy wished she could see her mother. At night when she could sleep, dreams of burning houses and crying babies overwhelmed her- when awake, gnawing feelings of guilt and horror pulled her down. The depression she had fought off so valiantly was making a comeback, and so Darcy made one last desperate attempt to fix things.

One evening, she reclined her bed and shut her eyes, clearing her mind of worries and thoughts. Opening her mind and removing her inhibitions, Darcy flung her very conscious out around her- she wasn't sure how she was doing it, but it seemed to be working. Mustering up all her inner strength and spirit, Darcy called out for her last hope.

_Loki? Loki, I don't know where you are, but I need you._

_I'm getting blue again, and I can't stop it. I can't stop it alone this time and no one else is here._

Her conscious thoughts faded away into a deep slumber.

When she awakened, she was on her feet in a library, just as before. Loki stood before her, tall and lean.

Wordlessly, Loki took in Darcy's image. He seemed to swallow her up with his eyes, and Darcy could feel herself melting with an old, unfamiliar sensation.

"You came." The statement came out more like a pitiful question than a fact, but it seemed to have an effect on Loki.

"You called. It seems you are unwell, my lady. I know it cannot be the illness which ails our fair Asgard, thus I know not what troubles you." He sounded like a Shakespearean dream, and Darcy barely heard his words.

Absentmindedly, she replied, "I'm depressed again. I told you, I feel blue- Didn't I say that when I reached out to you?"

Suddenly the smooth grin contorted into a snarling grimace-

"And I suppose you think yourself witty? A play on words as your pitiful mortal scholars call it?!" The ferocity with which Loki spat out his words frightened Darcy more than she could have imagined. Stumbling backwards, Darcy fearfully attempted to placate Loki.

"I have no idea what you're talking about but I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please don't…"

The snarl faded to a frown but Loki's brow remained furrowed in anger.

"I'm supposed to believe that you didn't say that on purpose?"

"Say what?" Her incredulous tone seemed to piss off Loki even more, and he seemed to grow in size as he puffed up with fury and stalked towards her.

Seizing her by the arms, Loki looked Darcy straight in the eye, so close she could see flecks of gold in the muddied green eyes.

"Blue. I'm feeling _blue, __**blue, **__blue like the ocean, blue like the sky, blue like fucking Jotunheim!"_

Darcy gasped- A) The hissing, sing-song tone of his reply was so acidic and venomous- had she doomed herself? B) He had cursed, for the first time ever as far as she knew.

It was terrifying.

"Loki, I'm sorry- It's an expression, a Midgardian expression, and it's stupid and I know, and I'm stupid, and I'm so sorry- please, forgive me!"

The words flew out in a rambling stream and without realizing it, Darcy had begun to cry.

Loki immediately released Darcy, looking thoroughly abashed at causing her so much pain.

"I apologize. There are parts of me that even your Midgardian mind-studies cannot heal. I am this way… I am called a snake, a scorpion for a reason. I sting. I poison. I kill."

Gently, Loki wiped away a tear with the pad of his thumb, and Darcy had to keep herself from shuddering.

"I accept your apology. The fact is, Loki, that I'm lonesome. I can't sleep, I can't read, or anything. When I say I'm blue, I mean that I'm depressed, and in need of help. I've struggled with this for years now, but it doesn't get easier…"

His soft sigh at her explanation tugged at her heartstrings. She belated realized then that "blue" was definitely NOT one of Loki's favorite colors- hadn't it destroyed his life and sanity?

Still… she was curious.

"Loki, where have you been for the past few weeks? I'm all alone in this big golden palace- I might run off with the good silver."

He looked puzzled but less morose and more amused.  
"I have recently been returned a modicum of my magical abilities, and I have been re-honing that which I had thought lost."

Instantly Darcy's interest was piqued- she was a card carrying diehard fan of Harry Potter, and would kill anyone who criticized the idea that magic existed in their world. Although she hadn't really believed before meeting Thor, Darcy had always imagined worlds and powers greater than what they knew of…

And wasn't she right?  
She was so engrossed in the possibilities that she didn't see Loki smiling crookedly at her vacant expression.

"Oh wait! Sorry, zoned out. Loki, tell me- what kind of magic can you do?"

Loki's dreamy expression shifted to one of interest, like a little boy explaining his favorite Pokemon to his mom.  
"Well, I focus majorly on illusionary arts and deception- half the battle can be won by controlling what one enemy sees."

They passed hours talking and arguing- Darcy often defending her poor human race against the verbal attacks of the disdainful Gods.

They parted, promising to meet again soon, but Darcy wasn't satisfied. When she came to in her bed, it was 2 in the morning and she was determined to find out where exactly her friend Loki had been hiding for the past two weeks…

She was dreaming- a raven was flying before her and she was running after it, swiftly, carelessly- she had to catch up to it.

For what felt like hours Darcy followed the bird, until she arrived at a chamber of dark gray stone, with ancient hieroglyphs scribed upon the walls from top to bottom.

The room was redolent with the very feel and scent of magic, and Darcy realized that she had found Loki. With a shock, she recognized certain chains and books- it was the original location of Loki's capture.

She awoke with a start, and quickly she maneuvered herself into her chair and out the door.

Lights flickered in the space between the bottom of the door and the ground- Darcy had had to carefully roll herself down the stairs, managing to bring herself down step by step (Thank god for ancient Viking stairs that were 4 feet wide).

Tentatively, Darcy opened the door before her, surprised to find it slightly ajar.

Peering into the crack, Darcy could see a crackling fire, lessening her fears and giving her the courage to further enter the chamber.

Inside was every Hogwarts student's dream-

Cauldrons upon cauldrons of bubbling liquids, and plants growing from wall to wall, brimming with obvious magical properties. Smells of herbs and spices filled the air and Darcy was thrilled to her very core- _magic. _

She couldn't see Loki, but she could hear something. A faint rumbling, almost impossible to catch, came from a corner of the room. There lay Loki, sprawled in an armchair with his head leaning against an ancient spelltome as a pillow.

Darcy felt her breath catch in her throat, and her stomach did a nerve-wracking flip.

Loki's face was peaceful, like an infant asleep in its mother's arms. The brow was smooth, the lips curved serenely up. His stupid armor had been discarded for simpler clothes of linen, in the deepest shade of green.

Darcy was still panicking- her heart was pounding and something was about to explode in her mind…

Loki's skin was a startling, frighteningly bright cobalt blue.

That wasn't the worst of it though…

Behind him stood a canvas, about 5 feet tall and 3 feet wide. On it were two sketches-

One was of her asleep, eyes heavy lidded and shadowy…

The other was of her, running- her hair streamed behind her, her arms were stretched about her- she was on her feet, her legs were working…

Something inside her clicked, and with a frightened gasp Darcy backed up into a cauldron, spilling its contents all about her. Her wheels slipped on the slick liquid, and Darcy nearly lost her balance. The problem didn't subside though, as the potion seemed to eat away and corrode at the metal of the wheelchair- without thinking Darcy screamed and Loki seemed to appear out of nowhere, lifting her carefully from the melting chair and running out of the room.

Darcy looked up at the man carrying her to safety, and his red eyes were merely unsettling. Not frightening, not demonic… just… Loki's.

**Ok**

**I'm trying but I really want and need someone to beta at some point in the future. Like really I want you all to have the best possible writing. :D lots of love, please please review and like!**


	12. A Study in Cerulean

**I'm too excited to wait or finish my hw before starting this chapter!**

They were in his bedchamber, shrouded in darkness. The shadows flickered with the few lit candles scattered across the room, either atop a stack of books or balanced on the floor.

Darcy sat on Loki's bed; uncomfortably attempting to avoid leaning against his pillows- somehow it just seemed too intimate to snuggle in this man's bed.

Loki stood facing a window- it was dark out, so she had no way of looking at his face, no way to observe his expression.

Darcy wasn't sure what she was supposed to do or say-

All she could remember was that Loki had managed to rescue her when she needed it the most, and in his clichéd strong arms she had felt safe as he managed to transport them both to his bedroom. Darcy had nary a moment to look at his eyes again, let alone the rest of his face. She had felt the slight ridges of the Jotunn markings through the fabric of his shirt, but besides that he had seemed the same- tall, lean, dark raven hair.

Still, she hadn't seen his face.

How bad could it be?  
The minutes ticked by, and soon Darcy began to lose patience.

"Listen, Loki… man, thank you. Thank you so much, and I'm so sorry I snuck up on you. It wasn't polite, and I feel really embarrassed."

She could see his back muscles bunch with tension, and through clenched teeth he managed to wrench out a bitter, "Embarrassed about what, exactly?"

Darcy muddled on, completely aware of what he thought she had meant.

"Oh, well I don't know- I not only invade your privacy but also I manage to knock over your potions and cauldrons everywhere, while scaring you and ruining my only mode of getting around. Now that I think about it, I'm actually really damn humiliated, and I'm glad only you saw!"

She flipped her hair and tried to look flippant, as though there wasn't a giant frost blue elephant in the room, and waited for Loki to make the first move. She expected caustic, cruel, even cutting words.

She didn't expect a laugh.

It was interesting- a low, full throated laugh that was clearly rusty from disuse, but very pleasing to the ear.

In fact, it made Darcy feel warm and happy on the inside; as though she had done a good deed by making the dour Loki laugh.

"What's so funny?"

He shook his head, never turning to face her, and explained.

_She looked so confused and incredulous- he couldn't help but burst into laughter. Loki knew that Darcy was too smart to ever admit that seeing him as a frost giant had frightened her- who knew how much she had seen? And her initial reaction was at first a dazed silence, followed by sweet, inane prattling at her own expense. He knew it was all a show- a pretense of embarrassment intended to cover up Loki's obvious discomfort regarding her discovery of his true form._

_It had begun a week ago when his magic was more easily accessible to him. Testing his power had been his all-consuming task for hours after that, performing spell after spell, and conjuring potion and charms out of nothing. It was tiring, and the flu in the kingdom had left Loki too rather weak, although his Jotunn roots granted him some immunity. _

_Regardless, the grueling work took its toll on him. One evening, he awakened sprawled across his bed, unaware of where he lay or what time it was. Loki had been ready to find a servant to bring him something to eat when he glanced at his own hand._

"So you're stuck in blue mode?"

Darcy cut him off before he reached the crux of his dilemma, in her usual blunt, charming manner.

She knew it wasn't the most apt way to describe the situation but she had no idea how to refer to it, and frankly, Darcy was having trouble conversing with Loki's back.

Long minutes ticked by once again, and Darcy wondered what she could do to get Loki to _show her his face _because she was dying of curiosity.

After another five minutes of awkwardness stretched by, Darcy could feel herself grow more frustrated by the minute. Loki was clearly lost in some thought, and she had no way to leave his room because her wheel was now a melted puddle of metal and padding in his secret lair- an actual issue she would have to deal with very soon. At the moment however, her focus lay in getting Loki to show his face.

It came to her in a very devious moment of inspiration.

She screamed, "MY LEG!" and began to cry.

In a flash Loki ran to Darcy, frantically asking "Which one!? Where, what happened?"  
He sounded so concerned and worried that Darcy felt guilty for an instant before she took in his face.

_It took a moment for him to realize her trick, and he could not help but admire the minx for her perseverance. He had been prepared to stand at the window until she had fallen asleep- she would have awakened in her own bed, alone, with a replacement for her wheeled-chair. _

_Instead, she had fooled him, the god of Mischief and Tricks- was she ever going to stop surprising him?_

_He realized that she had fallen silent for the past 30 seconds, and caught her looking at him. There was no disgust on her face- no horror, no terror- just an inquisitive wondrous expression, coupled with a childish awe which rendered her nothing short of breath-taking. _

She couldn't stop looking. Loki was in his Jotunn form…

And he was beautiful. Although she had never enjoyed the film _Avatar, _she was getting a very sexy vibe from the cobalt blue skin which was lined with tiny ridges that made his arresting face even more captivating. She wanted nothing more than to touch it, caress his cheek and kiss it. She couldn't imagine being a _whole different species_- nevertheless adopted- she could almost justify his wanting to destroy humanity and rule all of Earth.

His eyes were a deep shade of red, which could almost be mistaken for amber in the darkness of the room., and although she preferred the pale sea green, Darcy kind of liked his eyes that way. Loki on the other hand seemed petrified with fear- clearly he expected the worst possible reaction from her, and here she was giving him no reaction at all.

He opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it and shut his mouth, but not before Darcy noticed that his teeth seemed slightly sharper than before, like fangs.

A combination wave of pity and lust swept over Darcy, and without knowing why she grabbed Loki by the shirt and yanked him down to sit next to her on the bed, facing her.

"What are you doing?" The shakiness in his voice was heartrending, and Darcy only replied by gently stroking a finger along the lines of his facial ridges. Loki stiffened at her touch, but slowly calmed down. Darcy had no idea what she was trying to accomplish- all she knew was that she wanted to reassure Loki that he wasn't a monster, despite everything.

_She had never touched him before. Yes, they had made physical contact, but only in the most perfunctory manner, and she had never initiated it. _

_Her fingers were warm and smooth against his marred and disfigured face- it was a welcome experience against his always frosty internal temperature. _

_The fingers spread and she laid her entire palm against his left cheek, and he leaned into it slowly, unsure if he was even moving._

_Darcy's face was usually a myriad of expressions and emotion but at that moment, she seemed serene; for once, Loki was at peace._

It was bizarre, this kind of contact. What was more intimate than laying one's hand against their love's face and just staying there, feeling every curve and contour of their visage?

Darcy knew that this was number one on her list of asinine moves to make but she couldn't resist- and then when he nuzzled his face into her palm she knew she was lost.

Inadvertently, she emitted a sigh, and Loki hummed in response- she felt like her heart was free falling with happiness and then-

Falling.  
As in Loki pushed her. As in she fell once in New York.

The realization shocked her, and like a cruelly icy shower, Darcy knew she was done for.

How could she fall in love with the man who had tried to kill just because it was fun?  
And then the image of his drawings of her returned, and the horror changed into confusion.

Loki had clearly noticed the stiffening of her hand and had retreated back to his corner like a giant black bat.

Unsure of where to start, Darcy simply began to blurt out her thoughts.

"Loki… why did you draw me?"

"Pardon me?"  
The undisguised surprise in Loki's voice highlighted the significance of the artwork, whatever it may be.

"I mean the picture of me running- what does it mean?"

Loki turned to face her again, and this time his face was unreadable. There was no expression, just a carefully modulated look of mild interest.

"It's just a study of motion. Nothing more."

The amount of bullshit in that statement made Darcy see red-

"What the fuck do you think you're doing lying to me about this? I am the last person you should lie to about this considering I AM THE UNWILLING SUBJECT of that particular piece! Tell me the truth Loki!"

His BBC face melted into annoyed defiance; "Oh yes, and you'll do what to me? You melted your own chair, darling."

Loki's use of the word darling softened her resolve a little but not enough to deter her.

"I mean it! Why me? Running, of all activities?!"  
He returned to perch on the bed next to her, and hung his head.

"I am looking for a way to return to you that which I unjustly stole."

Darcy felt like she was in an air vacuum and everything was still- no voices, no feelings, just the sound of her heart thumping against her ribcage.

"Stole… what did you steal Loki?" She knew her voice was shaking and the answer to her question was obvious but she _had to know._

"What else? Must I state my crime once again? I stole your mobility in freedom in my madness and I seek to repent, and make amends."

Darcy's vision began to swim with tears and blackness and the madness of it all- what was he saying?  
How? She lowered her head and attempted to process the sheer significance of what he had just told her.

Loki contritely sat beside her still, afraid to move or even speak.

What was there to say?  
Minutes passed and again the silence in the room seemed to swallow both unwilling prisoners whole.

_Does he really mean it? How can he just… is he really going to fix me?_

Darcy lifted her head after almost 10 minutes of quiet, intense thinking about nothing- she was in shock.

The look on Loki's face was astounding- complete, utter stillness- the still aristocratic nose, albeit in blue, tilted slightly up in the air as though he was his normal, haughty self. Only his eyes told the truth- darting back and forth, revealing the panic within.

The minutes ticked by, and once again neither knew what to do or say.

It was Loki this time that broke the silence.

"I know of a spell… it's clean magic, I knew that would matter to you, and it only requires my utter repentance, of which you clearly are aware of, as well as certain herbs and objects of magical properties. It takes weeks to brew, and you actually knocked over an experimental batch, which is just as well, as it was slightly on the bitingly acidic side, and now I'll start over and you'll probably be very impatient with me"- his voice had grown frenzied, and Darcy could literally hear the pleading in his voice- "Forgive me, please, forgive me"- and she felt what was left of her earlier anger melt into acceptance.

Lifting her head, she wiped her eyes and shook her head.

"Loki, please stop talking and listen. I can't tell you how grateful I am to you for this- only that I've already forgiven you, and I don't need you to go to all this trouble just so I can walk around and make a mess of my life. "

"No! Darcy, no, I need to do this! I have to try and make things better- I was so awful on Midgard and I couldn't do anything to make amends there, the least I can do is give you back what I took! I want to do this! I owe you so much and you think I'm doing _you_ a favor? This isn't an act of kindness, it's… it's an act of contrition. I have to do this."

Loki now knelt before Darcy, earnestly clutching her hand and gazing into her eyes.

"I can't wrap my head around it, but I guess, I accept your weird walking spell?! Thank you?!" Darcy was overwhelmed- she felt dizzy from the desire to kiss Loki, but also knew that she had to practice some self control, if only for her own sake.

Loki smiled for the first time that evening, properly, and was about to speak when someone knocked on the door.

It was a very nervous servant bearing a scroll- as the messenger ran away Loki read aloud-  
"Thor and Lady Jane are extending their travels to go to Midgard, and cordially invite Prince Loki of Asgard and Lady Darcy to join them."

Darcy groaned- how the fuck was she supposed to go back down to Earth from her literal heaven?


	13. I Was Not Magnificent

**I'm in spring break so get ready….**

_She is running again, but this time she knows she's dreaming. The streets of New York are barren and war-torn, with wreckage marring her path but never stopping her. Darcy is almost flying, her feet are moving so fast, and she can barely catch glimpses of corpses scattered at her feet like pebbles. Darcy can't slow though- she has to get to safety, although she doesn't know where that may be. _

_The scenery around her is a blur until suddenly she feels her heart fall and then she too is falling. _

_Before her lies baby Lucy- a splatter of blood not her own across her face, like a torn and ragged ribbon. Darcy cannot feel her legs, and once again she is paralyzed, not by injury but by shock- there is Jane, mangled and maimed like a rag doll- and protectively curled around her yet somehow broken was Thor, his face contorted with all the horror and grief of a man who has lost everything._

_Darcy cannot feel her sorrow- all she feels is a massive, gaping hole within her- and all that is replacing that hole is terror. _

_There is a low chuckle from behind her, and she fears the worst- _

_Is it Loki who has committed this atrocity?  
She slowly turns and cannot hold her gasp._

_Some colossus- a monster, of great size and hideous features, is holding Loki like a limp cloth- Loki, whose face is missing actual chunks of flesh, with gaping lacerations along his body._

_Darcy knows she has to run- that she can't save Loki- but all she can do is slowly rise, and offer herself to the creature like a pathetic martyr._

_It is the end of the world._

Darcy's nightmares were getting worse. She had returned to Earth reluctantly as it was, but the constant fear of closing her eyes was starting to make her downright irritated. She and Loki's arrival on Earth was as low-key as possible (har har) considering how badly his last visit had gone. Thanks to SHIELD and a surprisingly adept negotiating session with Thor, Loki had been temporarily pardoned of all war crimes committed during his last couple of years. Darcy liked to think she had actually cemented that decision, based on her highly developed and scientific dissertation over the disintegration of Loki's sanity over the course of his lifetime on Asgard. What SHIELD and particularly Fury were interested in was what happened after Loki fell from the bifrost- the introduction of Thanos being especially disturbing to both parties.

Darcy paid little mind to the bureaucracy- she was mostly just worried about what she was going to do about the fact that she was on Earth after almost five years up in the air. She had no colleagues, no friends, and her family was so far estranged from her that she couldn't remember her brother's wife's name.

Loki was even worse off- his new conscience meant that every tourist attraction and building in NYC reminded him of his botched attack on humanity, and triggered a guilt trip the magnitude of Chernobyl. Darcy tried to reassure him but she was secretly glad to see him face his personal demons.

Jane and Thor were as perfect as ever, and Lucy had begun to talk. Darcy was glad to see her best friend but there was a bizarre disconnect between them. Rational Darcy knew it was rooted in the simple fact that both women were in completely separate areas of life- Jane was moving on and Darcy was stuck, like a china doll or a girl in a snow globe. Still, her annoyance was only mild and she was honestly grateful that she had her Jane back to keep her company.

Still, she was lonely as usual, and meeting the Avengers didn't make it much better. Seeing the faces she had once so fervently admired was disconcerting- Tony Stark had gray hairs in his beard, Hawkeye was as grizzled and war-weathered as ever, but overall the team hadn't changed. Black Widow was the same stunning beauty as before, if not more so, and Captain America was identical to his five-years ago self. Only Bruce Banner was really different, with peppered gray hair and a thinner, gaunter look to his frame. Clearly time had taken its toll on him too. Darcy subconsciously felt her face for any wrinkles or crow's feet, unsure of what she found.

The Avengers were not pleased to see Loki- they had been fully briefed on his madness but they were justifiably wary of the god. Thor kept dragging Loki to meetings with the team in the hopes of redeeming his little half-brother, to no avail. Loki would be present but only just- he was more uncomfortable with being near the Avengers than the entire team's discomfort combined. Thor's constant interference lent itself to Loki's irritation, and the god of tricks took many pains to avoid his brother for the duration of the trip.

Darcy felt for him, but she soon discovered that she had her own problems to deal with.

It began when Pepper Potts had coffee with her and Jane.

They were discussing the whirlwind wedding of Tony and Pepper five years before, when Iron Man nearly died for the umpteenth time and Tony realized that he really should marry his one true love.

"Pepper, I'm happy Tony made an honest woman of you, and your wedding pictures are absolutely divine, did you wear Alexander McQueen?" Darcy was genuinely happy for the older woman and now mother of two.  
Pepper was in turn pleased to see Darcy and Jane, each mother cooing over pictures of their respective children. The conversation turned to parenting and Darcy was left out, so she amused herself by going through the new Stark issued iPhone 8 she had been gifted with. Absentmindedly, Darcy googled her own name in hopes of finding her old blog she had kept during her high school years.

Instead what Darcy found made her drop her phone.

Jane noticed first.

"Darcy, what happened?!"

She shook her head, unable to speak.  
Pepper grabbed the phone off the ground and unlocked the screen.  
"Oh… oh Darcy… oh no… honey…"

A headline from a Puento Antigua Times article dated 2014 blared "DEATH OF COLLEGE CO-ED DARCY LEWIS: NATURAL CAUSES OR ALIEN ABDUCTION?"

Jane grabbed the phone from Pepper and gasped, reading to herself. Darcy began to recite.

"Lewis was 25, assistant in a astrophysics lab, and known for a heavy crack cocaine addiction. Suspected cause of death is overdose."

Pepper sputtered- "What!? How… I swear…"

Her denial gave her away.  
Jane spoke for her friend.

"You had SHIELD kill off Darcy for your own personal convenience? No loose ends, huh? Since my family's dead there's no need to worry about anyone asking questions but Darcy… you had to figure out Darcy Lewis, didn't you?"

Pepper began to explain furiously, citing Nick Fury and even Agent Asshole, but Darcy was already rolling away.

She wanted to see Loki.

_He was meditating. It was something he had seen the man behind the Hulk do in his lab. Something about the serenity in the man's face, no matter how temporary, seemed inviting to an increasingly tormented Loki._

_Being on Earth was a punishment from Hell- he could scarcely endure seeing a father and child walk down the street, so seeing entire monuments built to commemorate the victims of __**his **__invasion was a miserable experience entirely. _

_Meditation served as a respite- he found that he could do it even when walking or exercising. Of late he had discovered the Midgardian practice of running for recreation or physical benefit. Loki knew his Aesir/Jotunn body was in shape always, but he enjoyed the sensation of traveling without purpose or identity. _

_That day though, he was content to sit cross-legged on the ground, dressed in simple cloths he had found in his quarters._

_He had cleared his mind of all conscious thought, merely existing as a being in an infinite universe. He thought he may have reached Nirvana as the Buddhists called it when a loud noise began and Loki realized someone was trying to enter his room. _

_He rose and quickly crossed the room, checking the peephole but seeing no one. He could hear a furious battering against the door though, so he unlocked it and opened it only to narrowly avoid being ran over by Darcy Lewis._

_He was about to protest, even jest, but then he saw the expression on her face and a curious sensation of dread filled him. Loki had never felt sorrow for another's sadness, but Darcy seemed to break all his usual conventions._

_His introspection was shattered when a heart rending sob exited Darcy's mouth._

Loki took forever to open his damn door and when he did she was ready to scream.

She had never, ever lost control before- even her grief had been a controlled, bridled depression which had manifested itself slowly- but this time Darcy had felt her self-control snap when Pepper tried to explain SHIELD's deception. She had no words for her emotions, only waves of seething anger which resonated in her skull as loudly as Thor's hammer.

Loki immediately responded and knelt before her, grasping her hand and querying "What's wrong?!" His alarm was apparent but she could do nothing to calm his fears.

He repeated the question over and over again but she couldn't stop her tears from falling and she couldn't prevent her breath from hitching, like a child who had cried themselves to exhaustion.

Loki eventually abandoned his pursuit of answers and instead tucked an arm around Darcy, awkwardly embracing her in her wheelchair. Darcy curled into his shoulder as best as she could, each sob wracking her body with convulsions.

Finally, finally, after what felt like hours, she was composed enough to explain the truth- that she no longer existed. Loki listened silently, but his nostrils flared in the most frightening way. If Darcy hadn't been so upset she would have noted the dangerous look in Loki's eyes- which did melt into pity when Darcy explained what else she had read in that ridiculous article.

"Loki… the worst part is- and believe me, this can get worse, apparently- my dad died two years ago! Two fucking years ago and SHIELD never lets me know! My father! My daddy is dead and those bastards can't even take five fucking seconds to ring me up or send me a pigeon or whatever, just say "Yo Lewis, your pops is six feet under, peace bitch! But no, they not only forget to let me know but then they kill me off so my family won't ask questions, and now my mother thinks I'm an ungrateful slut who took advantage of her and her savings to go to college only to become a so-called drug addict who od'ed all alone in the motherfucking middle of nowhere, New Mexico!"

Darcy can feel her heartrate racing and she knows she's about to start crying again when Loki straightens up and lifts her from the chair. She immediately tensed, fearful of being away from her only mode of transportation, as Loki lowered himself onto the ground, balancing her in his lap. She would have been offended if he hadn't such a gentle look in his eyes, and she realized that this was a situation he could relate to- this was a feeling he could understand.

Darcy tried to calm herself, leaning into Loki and repeating to herself silently that she could not let herself get carried away.

Loki was having none of it though, as he began to reassure her.

"Darcy… SHIELD will face dear retribution for their actions- nay, their cruel actions against you. I fear that I may render this entire city to ruin once more should I face that Fury any time in the near future. And as for you, darling Darcy- take heart. Your father died as the man who raised the bravest, most intelligent and compassionate Midgardian ever to live. And your mother will someday know that you are alive, and that you are a source of endless pride rather than shame or disgrace. Worry not sweet- I shall have a serious discussion with SHIELD's monkey minions and we shall resolve this conflict quite speedily, if I have my way." His voice was low and his breath warm against her cheek- immediately her hormones switched gears and she felt herself wanting more and more to place kiss after kiss on Loki's lips.

Darcy remained in Loki's arms a while longer, shutting her eyes and breathing deeply. Loki hummed tunelessly and returned to his meditation.

For a time, the two were at a semblance of peace.

Then Thor burst into the room as alarms began to blare, and it became apparent that Stark Tower was under attack.

Loki barely deposited Darcy to a chair when an explosion reached the floor below them, spurring the God to push Darcy to a safe room guarded by SHIELD agents.

Feeling hopeless as ever, Darcy could feel the niggling sensation of panic clawing at her- it was worry for Loki- and the reminder of her dreams- and the image of a ragged and torn Norse god in the arms of a beast far stronger than anyone could imagine.

In her fear, she wished she had kissed his lips.

**Okay I would love reviews because this plot business is getting complicated! Thanks to all readers and reviewers, you all are wonderful!**


	14. Every Color is Illuminated

**I AM BACK! I'm sorry for the long break but I've been hella busy! Read, enjoy, and if you wish, review darlings! XOXO- Author**

Loki was exceptionally angry. Well, to clarify, he was always angry, but today had taken him to heights previously unknown to him.

There were a multitude of factors contributing to his anger but none was more significant than the fact that some idiotic Russians were attempting to assassinate Tony Stark for ending their crime-ring in Moscow. They had simply barged in by the hundreds, guns blazing quite literally, and despite the high tech security of the tower, panic rendered even the Avengers inefficient.  
Loki wasn't surprised- they were the most ragtag, ill-fitting team he had ever met, disregarding their most decisive defeat of him. After emergency evacuations (and ensuring Darcy was guarded by bulletproof walls in a safe-room), Loki sent out as many doubles as he could to all floors of the building, arming each with his signature knives and dagger. Concentrating was difficult given the situation, but within minutes Loki was able to disarm and kill a few dozen cronies. The other team members were equally occupied- Hawkeye was traveling through the ventilation system, picking off any stray shooters with his bow and arrow, as Iron Man blasted his way through walls exploding anything Russian, besides Natasha of course. The Black Widow was swiftly fighting her way through the initial ambush with Captain America, both displaying extreme skill and dexterity in hand to hand combat.

Thor was on the roof, with the Hulk, taking out the multiple helicopters hovering about the tower and dropping explosives on them. Loki wasn't exactly keeping tabs on the team; rather he was maintaining surveillance, all the while killing any hit men he ran into.

It became apparent that the threat was superficial as eventually the fighting ended to a mere headcount of how many Russians lay dead or wounded throughout the hundreds of levels in the Tower.

All the Avengers were pleased with the success, but Loki was skeptical that they were experiencing a victory. As Tony talked with Fury over some holo-screen, Captain America approached Loki and put his hand on his shoulder, quietly saying, "You were a real asset to the team out there today. I know we've had differences but I'm willing to put them behind me if you are." The genuine niceness of the man's voice irked Loki to his very core, yet he forced himself to jerkily nod in agreement.

Thor's voice boomed out behind them- "Brother! Today we have triumphed in most strenuous battle! I now hunger for my beautiful family and ale- let us feast!"

The enthusiasm was pathetically contagious, and Loki was able to ignore Captain America's goodwill for a while longer. He had to deny Thor his feast though- he had to see Darcy.

She had been oddly calm throughout the ordeal; Pepper had been clenching and unclenching her fists and Jane was tightly holding Lucy to her breast, hot tears dripping down her face. Both women were terrified by the prospect that their beloveds would die that day- and there was Darcy, lusting over a few kisses from the man who permanently paralyzed her and then seduced her with his accent.

The introspection must have been shock, in retrospect, but the inner thoughts died when a banging began to echo around the small safe room, causing Lucy to begin shrieking in horror. Darcy rolled in front of Jane and was prepared to do anything when suddenly the doors burst open and two armed gunmen stood aiming straight at Lucy's little blond curls- Jane turning her back on the men to shield her baby and Darcy rolling towards them in some kind of idiotic crippled charge and then six successive shots rang out-

Both men lay dead on the ground, as Pepper shakily lowered her handgun.

Any anger for the older woman faded at that moment as Darcy realized that somehow, this prim and proper woman in the Christian Louboutins had managed to grab a gun from seemingly nowhere and then accurately take out two expert marksmen from across the room.

Jane flew into Pepper's arms and both women shuffled towards Darcy, shutting the door once again.

Darcy spoke first: "I'm sorry I snapped Pepper… we all know you had nothing to do with my unfortunate demise…" she took a deep breath to say the next part. "I think you should have let me know that SHIELD had pulled that trick considering the fact that my dad was also dead, but the past is the past. I'm really really mad right now, but not with you. Maybe a little, but after just now- it's nothing, okay?"  
Pepper grinned and tears leaked out of her eyes, joining Jane who was still sobbing over the fact that someone had tried to kill her baby.

The other two women sobered as they realized that this had been a potential assassination- murder of Crown Princess Lucy Jane Thordottir of Asgard?

Oh shit.

They couldn't linger on that thought long as the doors flew open again and Tony launched himself at Pepper, hugging her to his suit so tight she looked like she was being strangled. Thor, not to be outdone, followed suit and lifted Jane and his daughter in his arms, smattering kisses across each face. He clearly had no idea that Lucy had been a target, and Jane was clearly unwilling to tell him- yet.

Darcy was wheeling herself out, seriously considering grabbing some Starbucks from the lobby when she could hear his voice in her mind.

_I'm in your chamber._

Painfully aware that they couldn't meet in front of the team or their friends, Darcy made her way to an elevator to meet Loki.

As she sat in the elevator, watching the buttons flash as they passed each floor, Darcy was frightened.

What if Loki hadn't meant a word of what he had said before? The kindness, the promises of revenge- were they lies worthy of a god or genuine?  
Or worse, what if he had just said them because he wanted her to feel better? The idea of his lying was more than Darcy thought she could bear, but she ignored the paranoia and attempted to avoid rubble as she headed to her room. Unfortunately, a large chunk of ceiling lay just in front of the hall leading to her suite, and Darcy was forced to call for help-

_Loki, I'm kind of stuck. Come outside please._

The mind meld stuff was convenient at times like that, especially when Loki popped before her and somehow magic-ed the rubble away.

They silently entered her room, and Darcy was pleased to see that the damage was minimal in her room, mainly a result of her own messy habits. Leaning down from her chair, Darcy brushed aside clothes on her arm chair and offered it to Loki, herself preferring to utilize her Olympic Gymnast upper arm strength to maneuver herself onto her bed.

Loki watched with a strange curiosity- it lacked malice but wasn't altogether innocent, so Darcy cocked an eyebrow and defiantly asked, "What?!"

His lips quirked in a grin and he replied, "You. You are very… unpredictable and yet I can almost always guess what you're about to do next." The god's eyes were mischievous then and Darcy could tell she was being made fun of. Ignoring the good natured jibes, she went straight to business.

"What happened? Who was attacked us?"

He rolled his eyes at being reminded of the stupidly easy and wasteful battle of the day and explained the Russian situation to Darcy, mentioning that Tony of course was the cause of the mayhem and chaos.

Since she was silent in response, Loki got ready to settle down and ask Darcy how she was feeling about earlier when she suddenly exclaimed "That's bullshit!"

It was Loki's turn to look inquisitive but the playfulness died when he saw the grim look on Darcy's face.

"Loki, when we were in the safe room- it wasn't Tony they wanted! I was with Pepper, Jane, and Lucy! If they wanted Tony taken down they'd aim for Pepper but do you know who they wanted instead?"

Loki's eyes widened ever-so slightly and Darcy could tell he was truly worried- it was all she could do to choke back a sob.

"I saw the little red light of their scopes on my baby's forehead! Lucy! They wanted her! And if Pepper hadn't gunned them both down I don't think we could have stopped them- imagine Thor's reaction! I could literally imagine him destroying this realm and all the others in his grief, my God he's so dynamic in his emotions- I wonder if Jane's told him?"

Loki was stunned speechless, and Darcy couldn't believe it; before her eyes, Loki had paled to a mere shadow of his former color.

It made Darcy's heart well with happiness seeing her months of effort on him- the once remorseless killer was now reduced to shock at the thought of his niece's murder- just like a normal loving uncle.

Loki was still silent though so she patted the space beside her and offered a hand to him.

He sat as if compelled, with the blank look still on his face. Darcy could tell he was fundamentally disturbed at the possibility of the murder of an innocent child, and so she took his hand and began to rub it, just the way her mother would when she was upset.

Loki registered mild surprise at the physical touch of Darcy's small hands to his larger ones, but he was still unable to respond. The image of Lucy on the ground, limp and broken, was all too real in his mind. He also couldn't bear to think of Thor, sobbing and raging against the heavens themselves, lightning cracking across the sky as sharply and wickedly as Thor's grief would. He even could see Lady Jane, the woman who had condemned him as the evil villain, kneeling before her child's body. Even he could recall in his addled state of mind the stories of the great pains Jane had taken when giving birth- she was bearing Thor's strong child after all.

Worse still was the thought that he **had **murdered children- hundreds upon thousands of New Yorkers had died from his attack- even in Stuttgart, Germany he could remember small children in the gala-

Was he any better than the Russians?

"You're changed now, Loki. You were out of your mind, remember?" Darcy's voice quietly broke his self-flagellation and he was again surprised- "How do you know what I'm thinking?"

He didn't expect her to hit him on the arm, though not very hard, in response. "Loki, buddy, this mind thingy goes two ways- I can sometimes hear what you're thinking, especially when it's as intense and mentally loud as now. And don't beat yourself up- to err is to be human, to make mistakes is to seek perfection."

Loki shook his head. "I'm not human though, I'm supposedly a god. I'm a Jotunn monster, the stuff of nightmares and yet I am also Prince of Asgard- blight upon nature itself, am I not?"

Darcy could see the pain on his face, as palpable as the sweat beading on his forehead. "Listen, gods aren't perfect. I dunno about divine intervention or any of that but you guys have fucked up bigger and badder than anyone else in history- so we have to forgive bigger and better than for a normal human being."

She was so reasonable, so logical, that Loki didn't even hear himself ask her, "Have you forgiven me?"

Darcy was silent for a long moment, and he took the moment to watch expressions flit across her face; at first perplexity crinkled the skin between her eyes and on her forehead; then, conflict in her bright blue eyes filled with memories. She finally looked up with her lips pursed slightly.

"I'm not sure. To be honest, there are times why I wonder why I even associate with you in this weird relationship thing we have- are we friends, are we enemies? I used to fear you- really you terrified me to death, but then it was ironically you who pulled me from the depths of my depression last year. You opened up to me, let me probe in your head- and we managed to fix you, together… I don't really know. I don't hate you. I don't even dislike you that actively, besides occasional irritation. Forgiveness though? I think, maybe, I'm getting there. Forgiveness is the step to recovery that I refused to take for years, and now it seems like I'm feeling a bit better. So I think I forgive you. Or maybe, when you stopped having dual personalities, my hate faded. I don't hate **you** specifically- I hated the god who killed thousands because he was insane and sociopathic. You on the other hand have rediscovered your empathy, and so I know you are different. Maybe… there is nothing to forgive you for. I have nothing against you."

Loki's face was unreadable as it often was; stormy green eyes distant and pale skin furrowed. Darcy nudged him with her elbow, and she was surprised when he took her hand and squeezed it tightly. She smiled and made to pull away, but Loki wouldn't let her. She looked at his face again and emitted a tiny squeak. Loki was crying, silently, but he was smiling the most genuine, biggest smile she had ever seen on him. Darcy could see his laugh lines and his little crow's feet, and she wanted more than anything to just touch them.

Suddenly, Loki moved her hand with his to his face- on the very wrinkles she wanted to feel. Her cheeks flushed deep red, embarrassed at being so apparent with her thought process, but Loki only looked incredibly happy. Darcy could feel herself growing elated simply at the feel of his face against her palm, and a sudden realization struck her-

She didn't hate him.

She didn't dislike him.

She didn't like him, in fact.

She loved him.

And the Eureka moment in her head was so loud that Loki quickly turned his body towards her and ran his hand through his hair, leaving it in messy black tufts. "Are you sure you mean that Darcy? Is it possible?" His vulnerability was so clear to Darcy, and the tenderness in his voice struck her heart so strongly, that without thinking she leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth.

Loki's confusion morphed into a loving yet lusty grin, and Darcy could feel herself growing more aroused as he gently stroked her arm. He paused and asked, "Is this okay?"

Darcy was now the confused one, replying, "What do you mean?"

Loki shifted his gaze to the hand on her thigh that was dangerously high and she was quickly embarrassed. Laughing it off, Darcy said, "Oh! Well I can't really tell if that's alright… I'll let you know if I can tell later on though, alright?" The horror on Loki's face was clear, and he stammered numerous apologies and angled his body strategically distanced from hers'.

Darcy sighed and slumped back against her pillows.

The silence was tense until Loki said, "This is what I worried about- that we can never forget what I inflicted upon you- whether I love you or not I still maimed you." His disgust for his past actions pained Darcy but they also irritated her.

"Well what're you gonna do? I want to do something about this thing between us- I seem to love you for some reason and you like me back and so what if I'm handicapped? The messed up, crazy other side of you did that- not the you from today!"  
Loki groaned, saying "It's not that simple! I feel like the worst being in the realm when I see you- I hate that damnable chair of yours, I hate that you can't run, I hate that I did this! How can I pursue anything with you when I can't even fix the one thing that matters?!" His distress became even more visible as Loki's skin darkened into the shade of cobalt blue that was particularly his. Darcy tried to comfort him, laying a hand on his and stroking the light ridges. Loki seemed appalled that she would touch him in his Jotunn form but Darcy was desperate.

She even brought up the failed experiment Loki had pursued on Asgard to cure her paralysis. Loki merely sighed, and agreed to return to his potion-making immediately. As he rose to leave Darcy tugged him back down by the arm, swiftly kissing his lips hard, as though incentivizing the swiftness of his progress.

Finally, sad, horny, and alone in her room, Darcy realized that she had just entered the world's most complicated relationship with the entire universe's most fucked up man.

All she could do was grin like an idiot.

**REVIEW BECAUSE I DID IT I COMMITTED TO A RELATIONSHIP AND I AM EXCITED CAN WE TELL THAT I'M EXCITED?! **

**DARCY AND LOKI ARE MY FAVORITES.**


	15. Pretty Face and Electric Soul

**Idk why but I've been listening to "Can't Hold Us" by Macklemore/Ryan Lewis and it's really inspiring me to… write? **

**Read and review honey buns! And thank you all so much for your sweetness.**

A few kisses went a long way.

Darcy could feel herself overflow with initiative- she wanted to do actual things with her life again- like practice psychology, and rent an apartment, and make new friends. She wanted a new job, away from SHIELD (fat chance sadly), and most importantly, she wanted to be happy again, with or without Loki.

After the initial high of professing their feelings for one another faded, a smaller, more contained glee emanated from Darcy, despite the fact that the earlier Russian attack was under intense investigation by SHIELD, the Avengers, and most importantly Thor, who had broken an entire floor of the tower in his anger at discovering that Lucy was a target.

Jane and Thor had elected to remain on Earth for a few months at least, considering that Odin was going nowhere any time soon and Thor clearly had unfinished business in Midgard.

Loki was forced to stay as well, bound to remain near Thor for the safety of all of mankind, even though most were aware that Loki was definitely a threat with or without the Thunder God.

Darcy personally was pleased to be back on her third rock from the sun, in the best city in the world, New York. Since she was technically a dead woman, SHIELD allowed her some freedoms such as the privilege to roam the city as she pleased, so long as she maintained a constant link with SHIELD through one of their tapped cell phones. Darcy didn't dare disagree at that, knowing that her safety was paramount for once and that wasn't always the case.

The overall mood of Darcy's life had changed- once dreary and without end, now Darcy could imagine a future.

Maybe Loki would actually create a potion to fix her legs- and then they could maybe figure out some convoluted way for them to be together.

Hell, maybe she could have sex with him- it'd been more than five years and Darcy knew there was a tumble weed rolling in between her ovaries and her uterus.

With Fury's permission, Darcy was allowed to live in her own apartment, still in the SHIELD facility but far enough away that she felt some autonomy. Together she and Jane furnished a lovely one room suite with a kitchenette and bathroom, enjoying trips to IKEA with baby Lucy and even once Thor (who got too excited over the Swedish Meatballs)- decorating was therapeutic and calming and _mundane,_ all the things Darcy craved in her life.

Living alone again was also refreshing, especially knowing that someone was out there trying to help her.

By help her, of course, she meant concocting a complicated potion to cure paraplegia.

And by someone, she meant Loki.

He was living in the Avengers Tower with Jane and Thor, working in a lab day and night, according to Jane. Although Darcy knew better than to let her hopes get too high, she could not resist lying in bed at night, dreaming of the places she would go if Loki's potion would work.

Top of her list was a park- any park, with beautiful tracks that were smooth and perfect for a steady run. She doubted she could immediately return to her pre-wheelchair speed soon, but the notion was pleasing.

Another perk of being on Earth this time was that SHIELD was taking her abilities as a psychologist seriously- apparently, word had gotten around that she had done the proverbial impossible for a counselor, and had "fixed" Loki's psyche.

It was one thing to get a new, bigger office than before- it was another to have clients the like of Captain America stopping by for a little "chat" and coffee.

Although Darcy was unsure of the ethical legitimacy of her listening to the worries of the various heroes smattered around the building, she was excited to be of aid to the world again. Her usual office hours were ignored especially as time passed and her clientele became more established. For example, Tony resumed his habit of popping up once or twice a week with something stupid and shiny to attach to her chair, as well as a plethora of underlying insecurities and fears which he refused to admit he had. Darcy loved to listen to his problems, because they usually went something like:

"Hey kid. How've ya been?" His legs would be propped up on the coffee table, some kind of gadget in hand, and eyes constantly observing his surroundings.

Darcy would give a neutral reply, gauging his response.

His eyes would light up immediately, as he would launch into a narrative on how he had spent hours the past few nights watching reruns of the Cosby Show, and how he was always confused about how someone as hot as Clair Huxtable would marry a fucking weirdo like Cliff- the greater the amount of cuss words, the greater the distress was Darcy's most common prognosis.

He never once mentioned that he was upset, or worried about anything, but Darcy could immediately sense the underlying insecurity he felt regarding his relationship with Pepper. Despite the fact that they had been "going steady" for years Tony was still unsure of his worthiness for Pepper, and to Darcy that was a gladdening sign of how seriously Tony took his relationship.

Loki on the other hand was NOT flourishing.

His ability to enjoy Midgard was greatly diminished by the fact that he had tried to destroy it quite persistently not long ago, and everywhere he looked in New York reminded him of his failure, and more importantly, his madness.

He purposely avoided Darcy, hiding in the labs of the Avengers tower as best as he could. Sometimes he succeeded and was able to work for days uninterrupted; unraveling the mysterious compound he would need to complete his potion to fix Darcy.

Other times his work would be stalled by complications- sometimes the lab would explode, or worse sometimes Thor would pop up unannounced. Loki didn't begrudge Thor's presence very much considering how much leeway he was given on Earth, but his brother was still a pest of the highest degree. Loki simply could not function with the constant exclamations of a grown man over the way a certain chemical would "turn blue!" when combined with red- it was shameful.

Occasionally Jane would accompany him, and that was slightly better because that meant Thor had a babysitter who was not Loki. Although he still could not fathom what the genius astrophysicist saw in Thor, he was glad to observe her effect on him. For example, Thor was no longer mocking Loki- in fact, he was astounded by the fact that by combining certain elements and ingredients one could alter the very fabric of reality- and deep down inside, when Thor asked an asinine question about _anything_, Loki was joyful because before no one had even cared.

It was better when Jane or Thor would bring Lucy because then he had a real reason to take a break. Although not entirely comfortable with children just yet, Loki felt an immense affection for his brother's daughter- his niece, who was beginning to lisp out the beginnings of sentences in the most adorable voice Loki had ever heard.

Those were the days when Loki would follow the royal family to the playroom or the green house, where Lucy was safely away from chemicals and able to frolic as she wished.

Despite the increasing sense of _right,_ Loki still knew that chunks of his heart were yet to be filled.

One of those chunks belonged to the beautiful brunette who was apparently taking SHIELD by storm, helping the psychological department reach a higher standard of service. He was unreasonably proud of her success, aware as he was of the fervent desire she had had to be of use in society.

He now shared her desire- plus a growing desire to play a greater role in her life.

That was impossible, however, until he righted his previous misdoings- which meant countless weeks working on perfecting his potion.

Darcy began to grow impatient soon though. The time spent in the office was only so fulfilling, and her inevitable fear that Loki's words had been false reared its ugly head.

To allay her fears Darcy decided it was time she surprised her potential boyfriend/whatever the hell they were with a visit- and a new look.

After literally years of rocking the big, disheveled curly look, Darcy was ready to streamline her style and her life, gearing up for any potential changes in the future.

It began with an updated wardrobe- gone were the heavy sweaters and corduroy skirts with the boots- with a little advice from Pepper and Jarvis, Darcy created a modern, updated wardrobe with flowing dresses and comfortable skirt sets, all in shades of bright jewel tones and pastels.

Darcy also decided it was time for a new 'do which meant a trip to a salon somewhere upscale and overpriced- two of her favorite things about New York.

She came out looking much younger, with a shoulder skimming bob that made her cheekbones look fantastic, and bangs that emphasized her eyes.

The hair and the clothes were such a refreshing change for Darcy, who for so long was incapable of finding pleasure in any aspect of her life. Now, the possibility of enjoying the little things seemed like a blessing.

Jane's reaction to Darcy's makeover was everything a best friend was meant to provide- support, compliments, and suggestion for future shopping trips! It made Darcy even giddier to hear Thor tell Lucy that "Aunty Darcy looks lovely like the spring time in Asgard", a surprisingly poetic compliment for the blonde hero (although it gave insight to why on earth Jane loved him).

Even Tony said she looked "fantastic, like the girl whose number you'd wished you'd kept from high school".

Loki's reaction was critical- she had essentially changed her appearance for her personal pleasure, but also to judge his response.

It began like this:

Darcy wheeled her way down ramp after ramp to the underground floors of the tower, where Loki's lab was clearly set apart and labeled. She was able to open the heavy door only to find Loki sitting on the ground, holding a small phial and rubbing his forehead. He didn't hear her which clued her into how lost he was in thought. Afraid of scaring him and causing him to drop the substance, Darcy announced her presence with a gentle clearing of her throat. Loki immediately got to his feet, setting down the potion on a table and approaching her. He stopped short of two feet before her, absorbing the lilac silk shift she wore with strappy white sandals as well as her swinging short hair.

"Darcy, I didn't expect you- your hair, it's… shorter." The melancholy in his voice was so palpable that Darcy had to ask, "Is it that bad?!"

Loki shook his head and softly laughed, clarifying that he "liked the change, it was just that… in all the years they had known one another, Darcy hadn't changed one bit."

The reply made her sad and happy simultaneously for some reason, but she ignored that and asked how his progress was.

Loki shook his head again, this time genuinely upset. "I don't know Darcy… I can't tell if this will work. All I have been able to ensure is that even if the potion does not have its desired effect on your body, there will not be any side effects- none whatsoever. Beyond that however, I have made the most precise approximations I could, but this kind of potion is unheard of. Frankly speaking, this is moving to the territory of discovery and innovation, both of which I am dismally slow and dull at."

"How do you know it will work though? Or how rather how can you guess?"

Darcy must have looked pretty worried because Loki sat back down in front of her, legs crossed and head in hands.

He looked so morose and self-pitying that Darcy couldn't hold in her laugh- "You look like a pouty teenager- albeit a very cute one, but sulky nonetheless." Loki's response was shocking- he actually stuck his lower lip out and _pouted_- first of all making Darcy extremely hot and second of all surprising her with the playfulness of the move.  
She questioned where he had learned it and was further amazed by the fact that to have learned that trick from baby Lucy, he actually had to have spent time with her!

The thought of him holding a baby made her giddy in the stupidest way, so she changed the subject by saying, "I'll try the potion."

Effectively killing the mood, Darcy made to take the phial, but Loki withheld it and raised his eyebrows. "You do know, Darcy, that the effects are unknown? Not dangerous, not fatal, but unknown? My magic has its bounds in certain areas of use and potion making is one of them."

Persisting, Darcy replied "I know this is stupid and rash but I wanna try!" Something in her eyes must have convinced him of her desperation or Loki may not have ever handed her that potion.

Before she could stop to think she downed the liquid in a single swallow and felt a slight pressure beginning at her temples, growing into a pounding sensation that began to travel all over her like tremors in an earthquake-her eyes rolled back in her head but she was still conscious, and her fingers felt tingly and her stomach was cramping and her back muscles were seizing and her buttocks clenched and her eyelids twitched and her gums ached and her forehead burned feverish and her shoulders ached and her fingers cracked and everything was black and white and red and suddenly she knew she had fallen to the floor and Loki was trying to revive her with something but it was unnecessary because with the pain and pounding came a warmth, emanating from her chest and traveling past her ribs and across her pelvis and down to the tips of her toes and back up to her face and then everything stopped.

Loki was frantically trying to revive Darcy, and she realized that she wasn't in her body anymore but next to it, standing, observing her body's convulsions.

For a moment Darcy could hear something- or someone- calling her and she could feel herself grow lighter, and she knew that if she followed that voice she would find peace for all eternity. She could feel her interest in the writhing body below her dimming as the call from above grew more persistent. Darcy was ready to take off towards whatever it was but then she heard a new voice- _his voice_, the familiar and beloved voice, begging her unconsciously to _please, please don't die, please don't make me your killer, come back, I love you, come back, wake up, I love you, I love you, I love you._

And in a flash Darcy felt her eyes flutter open to be blinded by the white lab lights SHIELD favored so much, only to be shaded by Loki's face above hers. His face was awash with relief and Darcy was glad to be awake. She sat up, and laid a hand on Loki's face, happy that the pain, the pressure, the pounding was all gone, only to be replaced with a slight depletion of her energy. Loki leaned into her hand and she let them both rest, supine in each other's presence.

Darcy only stirred when pins and needles began to prick at her legs and feet. Irritated, she forced herself to shift her position and disturb Loki-

And then she realized it.

Loki too was shocked silent, and the hand that rested on Darcy's knee tightened in reaction. Darcy could feel every inch of Loki's hand, gripping her knee with each finger- and she began to sob.

It had worked.

Loki slowly stood and offered a hand to Darcy, who paused a moment before taking it. Like a baby deer Darcy stood, getting up first on one leg and then the other.

Tottering, she fell into Loki's arms but _she could move her legs and they worked and she was free again and there wasn't emptiness in her anymore and she could run and she could jump and she could walk-_

She felt wetness on her face, but the tears were not her own. In response, Darcy kissed both of Loki's cheeks, standing on tiptoe to reach him.

Darcy finally felt steady and made to move away but Loki would not let go- he simply pressed her to him tighter, crushing her to his chest. She didn't move, unsure of what was happening but then Loki whispered something-

And she asked what he said and he whispered it again.

It wasn't until Darcy put her ears to his lips that she heard Loki fervently utter "thank you", over and over again like a prayer.

She silenced his mantra with her lips, and for the moment all stood still.

**WAAAAAAAAHOOOOO! I'm so excited!  
Read and review and enjoy this good stuff because just like in Westeros, WINTER IS COMING.**

**Xoxo author **


	16. An Angel's Kiss in Spring

**Here I am! If you like this, recommend it to others! I love all the people who read and even if you don't review I don't care because I do this to share my writing, not for attention- **

**XOXO- Author**

_Even realms away he knew that something irrevocable had occurred- he knew that his messenger had failed him- had even renounced him- but the link? His link was severed, deftly and neatly, and so quietly that it had almost slipped his notice._

_Almost__. _

_It was no matter to a being as great as he, but he knew his response must be calculated and well timed- _

_The attack would have to be devastating because it was the last time he was going to subdue Earth._

_He had a taste for the blue planet._

…

Darcy barely had time to gasp for air before Loki kissed her again- harder this time, boldly exploring her mouth with his, in a way that immediately depleted all of her oxygen supply.

The sensations running through her were varied and thrilling- arousal was foremost, but after that was confusion and concern that she had finally lost her mind- but then Loki made a growling noise in his throat that quickly dispelled all other worries.

This time Darcy pushed Loki away lightly to end the embrace- she was growing light headed and needed a moment to catch her breath and calm her shaking legs. Supporting herself on Loki's chest, Darcy sighed, and turned her head to face Loki.

"You fixed my legs." Her tone was loving, and awed, and Loki grimaced.

"I broke them first" was his sardonic reply- it was imbued with bitterness. She inwardly groaned, reminded that Loki had major guilt issues to overcome before they could go anywhere in their weirdo relationship.

She changed the topic by stating, "You're horny, like, all the time, aren't you?"

Loki chuckled and brushed his nose against her hair, replying with a fair amount of cheek, "My helm holds a multitude of meanings, darling."

Hearing him say _darling_ was music to Darcy's ears, but she wanted to test the ability of her legs before she did anything more.

Disentangling herself from him, Darcy stood straight for a moment, bending her knees slightly and bouncing on the balls of her feet. Once sure that she was fully functioning in her basic movements, she walked around the room, assessing the flexibility and strength of her legs. Deciding that she could risk it, Darcy sunk low to touch her toes.

It was quite engrossing to observe Darcy's exercises, given how… bendy she was turning out to be. Loki had been attracted to the woman for a few years but he had never even imagined that she could inflame his desires with no effort at all.

He couldn't help but admire her rear end as she sat on the ground with her legs stretched before her. Her hips were wide to mirror her stunning upper body, but her waist was deceptively small- unlike his few svelte lovers of the past, Darcy had the body of a Venus- lush, and ripe, and seemingly overflowing.

Feeling perverted but too distracted to care, Loki also thought to the potion- how fortunate was he that the concoction actually worked?  
It was a good thing too, or Earth might have seen another reckoning at the hands of Loki Laufeyson.

Darcy returned to Loki, beaming.

"You did it you sonofabitch! You fixed my goddamn legs!" She punctuated her words with little jumps, and suddenly her joy was too much to savor- Loki was stunned by how pleased he was to see her happy.

Shaking his head, he offered her his hand and invited her to go show Jane and Thor- a suggestion which surprised Darcy too, because she had no idea how she was going to explain her returned motor skills.

It was easier than she thought though, because unbeknownst to her, Loki had technically shared the entire process with Thor and his wife.

That didn't mean that emotions didn't run high-

Jane could not stop hugging Darcy, and Thor even spun her around in his arms- it wasn't till Darcy sent a meaningful glance to Jane that the goddess approached her brother-in-law and laid a tentative hand on his arm.

Jane delicately cleared her throat, and nervously began to quietly talk to Loki so that Darcy and Thor couldn't eavesdrop.

"Listen… I know we've had many, many differences in the past, but I'm willing to put that behind me if you've truly reformed- and right now, I really believe that. I want to believe that. And despite the fact that a part of me isn't 100% convinced, I plan to let whatever you and Darcy have together grow- it's the first time in years she's been happy and I can't take that away from her. Just be warned- should you display any signs of betrayal- any hints of treachery- I will take you down. _Me_. Personally. Thor won't know; Darcy won't understand because she's too trusting, but I can tell you've still got secrets within you, and they're big ones."

Loki hid his annoyance at the threats and listened soberly, nodding contritely at the right times. He drew Jane into his arms for an awkward embrace, during which he whispered in her ear, "You couldn't keep me from Darcy if you were the Allfather himself. And if you do sense that I am slipping from the path of reform, feel free to deal swift punishment, as I would love to see just _what exactly _you would do…"

His words were pleasant enough in tone, but Jane flinched as though Loki had flicked acid in her ear- she clearly was unaware of how exactly Loki felt about Darcy.

Meanwhile, Darcy and Thor were testing out her legs ability to support her during push-ups; Darcy having excellent body strength from the wheelchair meant that she could do 49 pushups without stopping or pausing.

Thor of course kept going, not stopping until pushup 347 when Jane dragged him away to the meeting they were already very late for. Darcy and Loki were suddenly alone, and a bashful silence befell the couple as they awkwardly stood, not knowing what to do next.

Darcy spoke first.

"I've got the rest of the day off, since it's Friday and all… so maybe we could go do something?"

Loki smiled, and that made Darcy want to kiss him, so she did. That led to another kiss, and then another, and as their mouths met with increasing ferocity, Darcy's hands roamed Loki's back as his wandered lower and lower down hers.

It was only when Darcy could feel her knees legitimately trembling again that she moved away, an amazing occurrence for the second time that day.

Loki looked ashamed, disappointed, and aroused all at once, and Darcy took pity on the guy.

"We'll go out on the town, just you and me. Dinner, dancing- maybe I'll get drunk with you by my side! Jane was always a lightweight…" Her explanation was muffled by another kiss, though this one was gentler and slower. Loki pulled away after a moment, and softly said, "I don't want you drunk. I want your head clear and you completely lucid tonight. It'll be well worth it, I swear it."

With that he straightened up and walked off, leaving Darcy feeling bowled over and wishing that she had jumped his bones right then and there.

Instead though, she spent the afternoon getting ready for her first date in years.

Loki had no idea what to expect from the evening ahead of him. His sultry promise from earlier was a spur of the moment comment, when in reality he wasn't sure if he should be moving that fast. Unsure of what he should do, he instead focused his efforts running 5 miles, then showering and shaving carefully. He selected a dark charcoal grey suit from the wardrobe in his room, pairing it with a creamy white shirt. Leaving the top button undone, Loki then turned his attention to his hair, which had grown past the collar of his shirt, something that bothered his fastidious nature.

He ignored it for the time, choosing instead to go to the next floor to ask the Potts woman where he could find flowers for Darcy.

…

She was downstairs, standing by the window. Darcy was nervous and excited, causing her to tap her high heeled feet constantly. Her fingers drummed against the windowsill, and she kept checking her cell phone for imaginary texts.

It was 4 minutes past 6 when Darcy heard the familiar sound of Loki's light tread, and she turned around with a bit more hair flip than planned.

Judging by Loki's expression, though, the theatrics were well worth it. Loki was beaming, his eyes warm. It took him a moment to remember to offer Darcy the single rose he had procured for their date. The rest of the bouquet had been delivered to her apartment, as well as the candy he knew she enjoyed based on hours of moaning for it back on Asgard.

"You look stunning Darcy." His tone was so matter of fact that she blushed, and did a little spin. The dress she wore was a rosy wine color, a halter top that cut just to show her cleavage. The hem was flared and ended right above her knees, and Loki was as amazed as she had been to see a distinct lack of old scars or weakness of muscle.

Arm in arm, they made their way to an Italian restaurant Darcy had frequented quite a bit before her fall. Although Loki embarrassed her by glaring at anyone who looked at her longer than necessary, Darcy was having a fantastic time, eating delicious ravioli and sipping a chilled glass of Chianti as Loki dug into a huge order of steak with spaghetti as well as manicotti.

She teased him about his huge appetite, and earned a scowl when she compared it to Thor's, which led her to lean over and do what was becoming a bit of a habit- she placed her hand on his cheek and gently caressed his pronounced cheekbone with her thumb. It was odd, since he was chewing, but Darcy just indulged herself for a short moment, before turning her attention the tiramisu which had just been brought before her.

Loki ended up eating most of the sweet, sadly, and Darcy was getting ready to complain when Loki threw down 2 hundred dollar bills into the check book and moved behind her chair as if to pull it out for her.

Darcy quietly acquiesced and gathered her clutch.

They began to walk down the streets of New York, enjoying the still rosy evening and talking. They discussed many topics, from their burgeoning relationship to the possibility of convincing Thor that Darcy was pregnant. Somehow the tension which usually existed between them was replaced with an easy banter and an underlying current of electricity, though both valiantly fought to ignore it.

They finally ended up at Darcy's apartment, where she invited him in for a cup of coffee. She had barely unlocked the door when Loki began to feel the panic of earlier return to him in full force.

Darcy unwittingly made it worse by breathlessly kissing him in response to the giant 3 dozen roses sitting on her kitchen counter, along with a huge pack of Kit-Kat bars and scented candles. Loki froze, unsure if he should go any further for fear of losing control. The desire building within him wouldn't slow, and it wouldn't be long before he made an ass of himself.

Still, he stepped into Darcy's apartment, surprisingly pleased at how pretty it really was. Light feminine touches were accents only, anchored by strong oak furniture and light green walls the color of sea foam. Darcy rattled around the kitchen making coffee, and as the coffeemaker dripped, they sat on her sofa.

"I'm having a really, really good time Loki. Like, I've never had this much fun with a guy ever kind of time." Loki merely smiled, too distracted by the scent of Darcy's hair to respond.

Darcy continued a bit more quietly then. "I'm kind of waiting for something bad to happen- something to explore, for the shit to hit the ceiling. What we're used to, you know?"

This time Loki did respond. "I know it seems a bit too… easy. Even the potion working- Darcy, I cannot lie. I know not how I would have reacted should it have hurt you."

There was something intense in Loki's eyes as he said that, and somehow she knew that this was the man she truly loved- despite the cliché, the irony, whatever.

She took a moment to undo her hair from its loose knot and then leaned forward to hook her arms around Loki's neck and kiss him fiercely.

At first timid, Loki shied away slightly, but Darcy added her tongue to the equation, as well as a curious hand in his hair, and by then…

Well, by then, Loki was a goner.

He leaned back further, his head resting barely on a plush pillow, as Darcy moved on top of him like a dancer. His body was on fire despite the fact that all Darcy had done was kissed him. A beeping sound from the coffeemaker interrupted them, and Darcy, unable to abide the repetitive tinny noise, broke the kiss and dashed to shut off the machine.

Loki stood too, to stretch and somehow gain some control. Darcy returned and smiled coquettishly. "I think I want to use the lady's room for a second- just wait out here, okay?" Her tone was impish and sultry and wanton all at once, and Loki knew that his evening was far from over.

She disappeared then, and Loki was left to peruse an old People magazine sitting on her coffee table.

Darcy in the meantime was actually rummaging furiously through her underwear drawer for her one good nightie- she had never actually worn it, even though she had bought it to boost her confidence while in the wheelchair. It was of course crumpled at the bottom of the drawer, but besides a few wrinkles it was alright.

She ran to the attached bathroom and began to brush the taste of Italian food from her mouth, deodorizing and flossing while attempting to reapply her mascara.

Darcy saved the nightie for last, stripping from her dress and carefully hanging it in her closet. She then turned her attention to her nightie. It was black and sheer and it didn't even cover her ass but it was beautiful- lace covered her breasts and the straps were ruffled and delicate, and her cleavage had never looked better. Darcy was very glad she had done a heavy duty shave earlier that evening when she rubbed scented lotion on her legs, and then finalized her toilette by sliding _off _her little black panties. This was going to be the end of one very long, very dry spell for Darcy Lewis, and she intended to make the most of it.

The seemingly silly preparations seemed worth it when she re-entered the living room, only to scare Loki into dropping his coffee cup to the ground. Darcy impatiently waited as he strode across the room to her, but was surprised as he decidedly kept his hands to himself.

"Is this not considered appropriate attire for what we're about to do, huh Loki?"

The defiance added to Loki's arousal, and his pants began to seem too small as he stammered.

"I'm just… Darcy, is this not too soon? Can we do this? What if this goes wrong, I can't bear to have known your body and your heart and then to lose that would be the end of me."

The admission was enough for Darcy, and she ignored his fears by taking Loki's shaking hand and pressing it to her breast, as she raised herself to her tiptoes and kissed him.

Throwing caution to the wind, Loki lifted Darcy by the hips and she immediately locked her legs around his waist. Stumbling, Loki carried Darcy to her bedroom and laid her on to her bed, only taking a second to take off suit jacket before lunging at her.

**THEY'RE GONNA DO THE DO AND I WILL ACTUALLY WRITE SOME OF IT OUT LIKE I WILL DO IT I KNOW I CAN.**

**I'M SO PLEASED AND FINALLY, FINALLY, SEX! READ AND REVIEW AND ANY TIPS LEAVE EM IN MY INBOX BABIES!  
LOVE, AUTHOR**


	17. Love Like Never Before

**I've never written real love scenes before so yeah… good luck to me! And seriously, I promise this story isn't going to turn fluffy anytime soon… because bad things happen to good people.**

**Read, enjoy, love you all so much! Xoxo Author**

_Love was an alien thing to him. It was not an emotion he attributed to any man, woman, or child. Truly, his only love was his Mistress…_

_Of death._

_He went to the ends of the Universe and back for her…_

_Traversing, conquering, destroying all he met- feared even by the most shadowy creatures of the realms, they called him World Eater._

Sunlight streamed through the window uninvited, dappling the bedroom with rays of sunshine. Darcy blinked owlishly, attempting to adapt her vision to the blinding glare. Giving up after a moment, she ran to the window and drew the blinds. Before lying back down, she grabbed a tee shirt off the ground and shrugged it on her naked body.

She snuggled into her blanket and shut her eyes, but the images began to enter her mind unbidden…

_It is a blur of sensation- fiery touch, sight swimming, tongue __**everywhere**__… He has her pinned to the door; her legs around his waist- hands roaming everywhere, bunching in the silly lace- his lips are burning a blazing path down her neck, on her chest, in her cleavage…_

_She motions to the bed and they stagger towards it, he frantically attempting to undo the buttons on his shirt. It's impossible to wait though and she takes over, nimbly unbuttoning his shirt, his pants, until he stands in his underwear and she cannot wait another moment…_

_So she climbs atop the bed and lies back, grasping his arm and bringing him down with her. They are kissing harder and harder, on her neck and her chest and her stomach, and he is growing harder and harder, until he feels like he's about to die, but she makes it better by pulling down the straps of her gown and he palms one breast, and the other, until she is bucking and crying out and then his hands travel lower, lower, until she really is crying, and as they both heat up to an unbearable temperature, she wrenches his underwear down and hooks her legs about his waist…_

_He is slow, torturously so, but she can already feel the tension building in her navel like a supernova, and it's been too long, they've waited too long, and then he speeds up gradually, and then not so gradually._

_Eventually her head is banging against the headboard and she is screaming, and he is groaning louder and louder- it's all too much, until he reaches his climax, and she closely follows- _

_It feels like oblivion, and they fall into a sweaty tangle of exhausted limbs onto disgustingly damp sheets._

_Her head hurts. His foot itches. They both smell of perspiration._

_It is perfect._

Loki waited till Darcy had fallen asleep again before daring to open his eyes. His throat was very dry and he needed water desperately, but he somehow couldn't bear to leave the bed he shared with her.

It was something different last night. Loki had been with some of the most skilled lovers in Asgard, the most beautiful women of the realm, and yet he had never before felt so much during intercourse.

The emotions had surprised him-

He had always been the kind of lover who took what he wanted and left- her pleasure was never a necessity, only an added bonus.

It was a bit disconcerting then to recall the arousal he felt watching Darcy orgasm- the immediate hardening of his member that had only just grown flaccid was a new development, but he loved it.

And he thought he must love her too- it was all he thought of last night as he drove deeper and deeper within her.

Loki really was thirsty though, and he carefully disentangled himself from the bed. He ambled to the bathroom and drank from the tap, taking a moment to look at his face in the mirror.

Despite the ravaging of the years- and the years _had_ taken their toll on him- Loki seemed younger. His skin was brighter, his eyes greener, even his hair shinier. Darcy was physically improving him and he could only remember how badly he had ruined her.

All guilt disappeared a second later, however, when Darcy Lewis wrapped her arms around his stomach and hummed as means of greeting.

"Good morning to you too, darling. How are you today?"

Loki was again surprised at the endearments and loving tone in his voice, but it also overjoyed him how easily pleased he was by Darcy's mere touch.  
Darcy on the other hand was a little less sunshine-y in the morning, hence her reply was, "Totally and entirely fucked, muffin." Her fake pout was very charming, as was the hurt look in her eyes.

She had been highly upset to wake up to an empty bed, but then the sight of a certain bare ass in front of her sink changed her mood instantly.

Loki laughed at her brevity, and he turned to face his beautiful girl for the first time that day. Her eyes were wide and slightly smudged with the remnants of her shimmery make up, her cheeks rosy with the previous night's exertion. It was her lips, though, that drove Loki to distraction. She had the most kissable, pink mouth, wide and pouty and at that moment very swollen from his designs on it from earlier.

Gently, as if to make up for it, he kissed her again, only to be pushed away.

"I need to brush my teeth and pee before we do anything at all, Mr. Horny Helmet, so just back off and give a girl a minute, okay?!" She all but pushed him out of her bathroom and left him standing in front of the door.

Darcy took a moment to lean against her door, resting her head on the towel rack. She looked at herself in the mirror, critically eyeing her hair before remembering that she always had terrible bed head after a night of lovemaking…

As she relieved herself she imagined telling Jane about her wild date with the god of Mischief. "Yeah, we ate, we laughed, we cried, and most importantly we fucked like rabbits and it was the best I've ever had and I think I love him!"

Shaking her head, she brushed her teeth and removed her ruined makeup.

Darcy felt two very contradictory emotions as she methodically wiped remnants of mascara from her eyes:

One, she felt incredibly good- sated, loved, pleasured- safe.

On the other hand, however, Darcy felt a deep sense of foreboding for what lay ahead. Something in her doubted that her happiness could last, and after all her years of depression Darcy knew to trust that something. She was growing more frustrated with her inability to enjoy the good moments in life, but she also was fully aware that things were not perfect or ideal with her and Loki.

His status on Earth and with SHIELD was shaky- he was still considered persona non grata due to his tendency to cause chaos and death wherever he went.

Darcy wished with all her heart she could have fallen for a different man- someone human, with an easy going personality and a sense of humor- a doctor maybe, family oriented and willing to deal with sarcasm. Someone who could satisfy her desires without burdening her with endless baggage and conflicted emotions, someone Jane would approve of and the government wouldn't want to annihilate.

Loki's voice interrupted her troubled thoughts. He sounded lighthearted, asking whether Darcy could be a love and help him find his underpants. The delight in his voice only weighted Darcy down more, as she realized that there was no way she would ever have fallen for the easygoing doctor.

She loved complicated, she adored a challenge, she thrived on conflict- all the things Loki stirred within her and leaving her craving more of her mercurial, multi-faceted man.

It was impossible for contrary Darcy Lewis to fall in love with someone who was actually good for her…

And with that conclusion she shoved away her brooding, proceeding to snatch Loki's underwear from the ground and then hiding it beneath a pillow.

**I'm going to update soon since school is out and I'm free for a bit! I just have some plot sorting to do but don't worry, the sad story we all know is coming will arrive soon. Love you all, please enjoy !**


	18. Made to Keep Your Body Warm

**Enjoy this and let me know what you think! Love you guys!**

They fell into a routine of sorts; he would go with the Avengers if asked, aiding and abetting their global war on crime, while she would continue seeing clients.

They had unofficially moved in with one another, but no one knew the true nature of their relationship, though Darcy suspected that Fury had full knowledge of their new status of lovers. She wondered why he had yet to confront her about it, but mainly she was relieved.

Jane and Thor were an entirely different story- all they knew was that Darcy was less sarcastic and more smile-y, and Loki was less doom and gloom and more cheeky snark than usual.

Darcy couldn't help but fear Jane's reaction to her new relationship with the man who had basically destroyed entire years of her life, considering how adverse she was to Loki as it was. It turned out however that Jane could be very dense for a brilliant astrophysicist, as she merely attributed her former assistant's chipper mood to her new set of gams.  
She wasn't far from the truth- having a working set of legs was fantastic, and it lifted Darcy's mood more than she had ever imagined possible, but it also opened her eyes to just how badly the handicapped were treated by society at large- being able to quickly dash into an elevator or across a street was something others took for granted, but if someone in a wheelchair held them back even the slightest, they felt indignant- as if it was the paraplegic's fault.

The lack of judgment from others saddened her but she resolutely refused to enjoy her renewed mobility. It was liberating to run, jump, dance with baby Lucy- all the things she had dreamt of for years and years.

Still, she knew in her heart that the true cause of her "glow" (as she had taken to calling her newfound happiness) was the man who kept her warm, inside and out. During her down time at work, she often zoned out to visions of dancing green eyes, and pale, angular cheekbones she loved to pepper with kisses.

It was a strange sensation, to finally act on her feelings- grab the hand she had once imagined grabbing, kiss the lips she had dreamed of kissing. She almost slipped up in front of Thor, who was surprisingly perceptive, which resulted in his close scrutiny of Darcy and Loki's strange cheeriness.

The mistake was simple and anyone could've made it- she had been talking on the phone to Loki, whose name in her phone was "Ocean Eyes", by the way, and she ended her call with "I love you" just as Thor had bounded into her office in search of something to eat.

Darcy had to suffer through ten minutes of intense questions like, "TO WHOM IS THIS ENDEARMENT ADDRESSED?" and other booming queries. She was able to skirt around the truth, and hinted that she had met someone "nice", which only just appeased her gossipy God of Thunder BFF.

Loki had to endure no such thing, considering how withdrawn he normally was with his family and few, few friends.

His days were long and boring, with meetings and research on seemingly endless power outages in the Ural Mountain range in Russia that SHIELD was interested in. Loki could draw the connection between the earlier attack on the Avengers tower and the Russian incidents, but for the first time he felt distracted enough to ignore his usual paranoia. Comfortable with SHIELD looking into the issue, Loki focused on being in love for the first time in his long, godly life.

It was like waking up at 7 AM, feeling completely refreshed and alert, excited about the day- except it was every day for the past 2 months, and the childlike giddiness would last throughout the day. He had also unintentionally encroached on Darcy's living space to the point that she insisted he pack a bag and stay indefinitely with her. It wasn't as if SHIELD cared, because he knew they monitored him day and night. Perhaps they thought the sex would prevent any diabolical behavior on his part, and maybe they were right, because all his previous frustrations with humanity and Thor had paled in light of his new, blossoming relationship.

Loki had already collected a few treasured memories of his girlfriend/lover/best friend.

The first was a video she showed him on the internet, of her drunkenly singing "I'll Make a Man out of you" from one of her favorite movies, Mulan. She was visibly younger, with longer, wilder brown ringlets and a more petite figure, but she was still the same Darcy. Loki loved seeing the carefree, innocent girl he had defiled and ruined- knowing that she had been happy as a girl made him happy.

The second moment was a little more risqué- he happened upon Darcy in the bath one day when he came home late from a powwow with the head researchers on a project involving clean energy and a natural source mined in the reserves of Siberia. Loki was tired, hungry, and frustrated from the stupid meetings- he knew SHIELD was looking for a replacement for the Tesseract's immense power, clean energy be damned, and it maddened him that despite all the trouble the Cube had put them through, Fury and his goons were going to attempt to build more weapons. He was looking forward to a glass of wine and some of Darcy's mindless television, but when he unlocked the front door the living room was empty, as was the kitchen. Off-tune humming led him to the closed bathroom door, which he knocked on. "Come in!" was Darcy's guileless reply, and so he walked in upon a most enchanting sight.

The mirror was fogged up, but Loki could clearly see Darcy reclining in her tub, piled high with bubbles and suds. Her hair was in a tousled bun, and her cheeks were pink from the heat of the water. Darcy beckoned him closer, and he immediately approached her, unaware until the last possible second that she had a mischievous look in her eye-

So he wasn't really shocked when she yanked him into the water by the shirt, causing the tub to overflow and water to splash onto bath mats and ground, but Darcy clearly did not give a damn. Loki was mildly annoyed that his clothing was soaked, but the feel of moist skin, slippery with bubble bath and scented oil, distracted him to the point of forgetting.

The last moment was his most tender secret- he sometimes relived it when he felt doubt or fear that what he had with Darcy would last. They lay in bed one night, she fast asleep after a particular boisterous round of lovemaking, but he was wide awake, contemplating how he could ever be so lucky. Loki was always a brooder, and he liked to have a drink some nights to drown out the thoughts crowding his mind. As he made to quietly creep out of bed, a hand tightened around his wrist and pulled down, so he lay back down and asked, "What is it, love?" The hand remained gripped around his, and the lack of reply and even breathing proved that Darcy was actually asleep still. He made to get out of bed again, but the hand pulled more insistently this time, yanking him down. This time Darcy vocalized her subconscious, murmuring quite firmly, "No…" Loki tried getting up one last time, just to see what would happen- this time Darcy let go of his hand, to his immediate disappointment, but she shocked him by quietly asking, "Please, stay."

This was what scared Loki the most- the idea of being needed- the concept of being cherished to the point of love- before his exile, before his madness, he had never been the one others wanted, whether they were his parents, or his friends. Only Thor had shown him any true attachment, and even that had been marred with tensions and unspoken insecurities.

Darcy was different though; he was acutely aware of how bizarre her adoration for him was- he had no idea how to compute her love for him considering how badly he had betrayed her once before. Beyond the initial fear of her rejection also lay a fear he had often ignored in his other relationships- a fear of disappointing the person in question- a fear that he wasn't enough, that eventually he would be abandoned for bigger and better things.

Loki also knew that Darcy could sense his insecurities, considering her keen intuition and the fact that she knew him better than anybody. What really puzzled him was her feigned ignorance of his lack of confidence in his self; rather, she reacted by not reacting, and treating him normally, with full faith in his abilities to love her.

Darcy on the other hand has no doubt that she could love Loki forever- listening to his voice, watching him eat- simple acts on his end that caused unimaginable pleasure on her end. The fact was that she had tumbled headfirst into love with Loki way before she had returned to Earth- the emotions had always been there, she had even acknowledged them. It was until recently however that she had chosen to act on them, and it seemed Loki was the same way.

She still had moments of internal horror when she tried to understand why she was so determined to spend her life with a man who was capable of terrible acts of violence on a huge scale- she could never forget New York, that was undeniable- but Darcy just felt a rightness when she was with Loki, and she also reassured herself by remembering the way she had reunited his two personalities. If Darcy could mend a broken mind, she could probably handle a long-term, live in relationship. Despite her best efforts though, the thought of a mad, genocidal Loki never really left her mind.

Oddly enough, the one thing that they were both sure of was that they were perfectly right for one another. Loki and Darcy clicked- in wit, in humor, in likes and dislikes. It was often a struggle for dominance, considering the amount of inner strength and stubbornness within the two lovers, but most of the times, one of the two would give in, just to make the other happy.

Not having to do the dishes every night was another bonus for Darcy; Loki was strangely inclined to enjoy standing before a sink, loading plates into the dishwasher while Darcy lounged on the couch or cleaned other parts of the apartment. Domesticity pleased both Loki and Darcy, though neither would admit it for fear of sounding too clingy. They chose instead to profess their attachment for one another in a forum within which they were equals-

The bedroom. Although they were not limited to Darcy's chambers, they preferred the pale gray walls of her bedroom to the brightness of the other rooms. Darcy discovered immediately that Loki slept au naturel, thus resulting in her shedding her oversized t-shirt as well. Loki realized that his girlfriend was a sleep-talker who often engaged in fist fights when subconscious- he frequently pondered who she could be fighting.

The main attraction of course was the sex- Darcy had always known she brought out the best in her lovers, but she had never reached heights like she did with Loki.

Something about being with him made her feel like she was flying- like she could free fall without fear, wrapped tight around Loki's hard body. She loved looking at him as they made love, his eyes often shut tight from the intensity of their coupling, but he always opened them when he was close to climax.

Loki experienced sex with Darcy differently; while he made her feel fearless and bold, her body made him feel a security he had never had before. He relished the warmth of her body, content sometimes to run his hands over and over her curves, reassuring himself of her presence. She made him feel like he was rooted to the very base of the universe, and with Darcy in his arms he could grow taller than ever.

They both shared a mutual appreciation for the other's body also-

Darcy _adored _Loki's physique- he was long and taut, with toned arms and a defined torso that made her heart flutter like a stupid Victorian maiden's- she relished gripping his hips and riding with him. Sometimes, before going to bed, Darcy would apply lipstick, just so she could mark Loki's pale skin with her blood-red kisses- up and down his chest, all the way past his navel- it was always an act of wonder and love.

Loki had a similar appreciation for Darcy's figure- she possessed the most luscious, beautiful breasts had ever seen on a woman, and to touch them was an out of body experience. Although she was quite fit, Darcy had a roundness that came naturally, and the curves were irresistible to Loki, who could drown in the pale undulations of her buttocks and thighs. Her skin was peaches and cream, soft from the lotion she kept everywhere- her purse, her desk, her bedside table. Loki had only to catch a whiff of the lotion's vanilla scent before he was assaulted with a plethora of visceral, sensual mental images and sensations.

Darcy knew that she could never be this happy ever again.

Loki had never known he could be this happy.

…

_He had set his plans in motion and the Midgardians he had under his control were executing his will perfectly. _

_Chaos would again reign on this planet, and he would devour it at the epoch of its mayhem-_

_But not before he broke Loki Laufeyson._

**I JUST LOVE THIS PAIRING I'M SORRY I WANTED TO WRITE SAD PLOT I REALLY DID BUT I ENDED UP VOMITING OUT THIS LOVE FEST AND I'M NOT REALLY SORRY AM I?**

**XOXO, AUTHOR! P.S., read, review, recommend, whatever! Just know I love y'all to the moon and back!**


	19. My Systems Blow

**And so it begins… the sad stuff :[**

Darcy awoke with a start, her chest heaving and body covered in sweat. Pressing a hand to her heart, she took a deep breath, attempting to calm her frenzied pulse. A glance to her left showed a serenely sleeping Loki, one of his legs intertwined with hers. The touch grounded her, bringing her out of the panic of moments before. Despite the reassurance of her love's presence, Darcy couldn't shake off the underlying fear.  
Frustration at her inability to understand why she felt that way resulted in her downing three glasses of cheap wine at her kitchen table.

In the dim light of the microwave, Darcy carefully reviewed her life. As far as she knew, there was no impending doom to fear- no bogeyman in the dark, no terrorist threatening to destroy the world.

All she knew was that her intuition sensed something was about to go very, very awry- and somehow she knew it was going to devastate her.

Hearing Loki cough in the other room reminded her of another trifling matter- her supernatural boyfriend.

Darcy was perfectly happy in her relationship with Loki- it was almost too perfect, how good things were going between them. That made her worry, because even after Loki had started acting romantic, he had still maintained bits of his wicked, mischievous self. Now they were together, he was everything she had ever wanted, but something was off- a piece of him was missing. She knew that the old Loki had a bit of bite left in him- there was still acid and bile inside her lover, caused by years of anger and emotional trauma and turmoil. The bitterness she had learned to look out for was no longer present- it was "Poof!" gone. And that worried her.

Last time Loki had turned off a part of his personality, he had been driven mad. In his madness, he had lost all control- and everyone had paid the price, perhaps Darcy more than others.

Darcy's real worry was what would happen to Loki's barely healed mind if it was broken again. She could only imagine the mayhem which would ensue- the darkness of spirit within her lover was frightening to recall, but Darcy found herself digging through her past experiences with him in order to comprehend what was possibly happening. Unable to scrape together a plausible theory, Darcy was left no option but to drain her glass and turn on her laptop, to read the global news and check her email…

The next day, Darcy met up with Jane at a coffee shop, little Lucy in tow. The women chatted and caught up, both being extremely caught up with their respective vocations. Darcy's practice within SHIELD was in full swing, and she provided agents with insight on cases/suspects as a consultant, or she would counsel any interested parties. It was fulfilling work, which only rounded out her current satisfaction with life.

Jane too had rediscovered her former career- astrophysics was her passion, and she hadn't been able to indulge in it for years while on Asgard. Now she balanced being a wife and mother quite adeptly with researching the links between the universe and its many dimensions-essentially, Jane wanted to create means to connect with each of the planes of existence. It was ambitious, but Darcy knew it was totally possible for someone as driven and brilliant as Jane.

Their conversation was occasionally interrupted by Lucy, who was mostly distracted by her Stark Tablet, filled with games and videos designed to occupy the wealthiest of toddlers. Jane sneered every time she looked at the silver object, calling it Lucy's "real mother". She went on to explain that raising her baby and trying to connect the worlds of Yggdrasil was nearing impossible.

"I feel so guilty, leaving Lucy with a sitter. Thor's obviously wrapped up with his work and he already tries so hard to spend time with Lucy. Just last week, he ran from a helipad to the apartment just to put Lucy to bed while I did research. It's awful, but I just need someone to watch Lucy for a few days while I get this breakthrough on paper and into tangible data- I'm close to something, but I can't commit myself as deeply to the work as I was used to."

The worry was clear on Jane's lovely face, and Darcy could see the conflict between the nurturing mother and the dedicated scientist within her. She decided to resolve the fight by saying "I can watch baby girl, if you want. I'm free, and I'm totally willing. They're fumigating my office at work anyways, so it's no trouble whatsoever."

Jane literally squeezed the life out of Darcy in response, whispering in her ear, "You are really my best friend. You're the constant I've had to rely on for so long- I don't know what I'd do without you." Tears unexpectedly rose in Darcy's eyes as she hugged back, caught in the random deep moment.

Later, as she made plans to pick up Lucy's crib and playpen, she realized she had yet to tell Loki about his niece's visit.

She decided there was no point in putting it off- she put down her pen and paper and dialed his number.

"Hello darling. Chinese or Thai?"

"What?"

"Dinner. Do you want Chinese or Thai?"

She was momentarily distracted by their usual loving banter, but she couldn't avoid the awkward conversation for long.

"Loki, babe, I wanted to tell you something."

He didn't reply, obviously waiting for her news, and she hesitated before continuing.

"Well? What is it Darcy?" He sounded patient, but the tiniest hint of worry was betrayed in his voice.

"Actually it's no big deal. Just, Jane needs a little bit of a break so she can focus on something for work, so I offered to watch Lucy for four days starting Thursday…"

Her voice trailed off and she suddenly felt stupid for offering without asking Loki.

The trepidation momentarily disappeared however when Loki sounded relieved, and replied "Oh! Is that it? I'm perfectly alright with my niece staying, I love spending time with her."

Despite the seeming victory, warning bells were sounding off in Darcy's head. She knew Loki better than anyone, maybe even Thor, and for Loki, Lucy was an uncomfortable reminder of something he was unwilling to admit to. She had never pried out of him the truth- why the baby girl made him feel so vulnerable and raw.

The only time she'd ever, ever seen Loki voluntarily spend time with his niece was when Thor or Jane were present, and that in itself was worrying to Darcy.

She ignored her thoughts for the time being though, calling it paranoia.

_That night though, the panicky fear returned in full force- she dreamt again. It was the old dream, where she ran and ran through the rubble of New York City, leaping over broken stone and shattered building towards something unknown but terrifyingly vital. _

_The familiar horror and nausea rose in_ _stomach when she reached her destination- she falls to her knees at the sight of her beloved Lucy, mangled and broken in a bloody pile of limbs and gore. The nausea becomes more persistent, and the urge to vomit is almost uncontrollable, but she swallows the bile when her vision catches a shocking tableau- Thor with hammer in hand, frozen in death as he was never in life, with bruises and cuts and shattered bones. Jane was behind him, her face contorted as wildly as her legs and arms were- someone had pulled her to pieces. _

_Darcy felt indescribably ill- all she knew was a desire to empty herself of everything- her stomach, her heart, her mind, her soul- _

_Her nausea was forgotten though. _

_That chuckle, that haunting, anonymous chuckle._

_It was rusty and metallic, like nails across a chalkboard except magnified. She wanted to go deaf before hearing it again, but then she hears her name-_

"_Darcy…"_

_It is a broken cry from a broken man's broken mouth- _

_Loki, hung by his arms on a lamp pole like a satire of the Crucifixion, called her name again, but it's pitiful… like a lost lamb, bleating for its mother. _

_The metallic life echoed around her and she searched for the draconian goliath of her previous nightmares, but he wasn't present._

_She turned back to Loki but he was no longer there, but behind her, and he held a knife to her throat, no longer injured but stronger than she'd ever seen him before._

_The knife was pressed deep into the soft flesh of her neck, but her focus remained on her lover's eyes- they were the expected blue but she could not help but feel that she had ignored some vital clue. _

_She was about to open her mouth to speak when Loki interrupted her, hissing in an all too familiar rasp, "I thought I'd finish what I started in New York."_

_And the knife flashed across her jugular and-_

Darcy woke up feeling sicker than she had ever felt before in her life. The trauma of her nightmare manifested itself in a full three-quarter of an hour spent vomiting into the toilet- but the gagging was silent, and somehow she couldn't bring herself to call Loki to her aid.

She also couldn't return to her bed just yet- couldn't face Loki just yet. Instead she lurched into the kitchen, anchoring herself at the small IKEA table.

There she sat till dawn washed over her with its soft light, reliving every moment of her terror- and in her fourth or fifth replay she began to pick apart the differences of this version.

The disappearance of the giant monster, who she had previously decided was her idea of Thanos, indicated to her that she was now threatened by something else in her life- although whether the threat was new was unknown to her.

Seeing Lucy dead had disturbed her as well, to the point where she was almost dreading seeing her that morning at nine when Jane was going to drop her off.

Darcy was considering canceling the babysitting offer when the door to her bathroom shut abruptly- causing her to jump out of her skin in fear. Realizing that it was just Loki, the man she _loved and adored and trusted,_ she shrugged it off.

Deliberately and obstinately, she ignored her entire ordeal and returned to bed, claiming she had been thirsty when Loki sleepily kissed her hand and asked where she had been….

She continued ignoring her nagging fears, despite the ongoing nausea and loss of appetite that carried over well past nine AM when Jane dropped off a miraculously sleeping baby Lucy. The raging vortex of a headache Darcy had been nursing since she had woken up faded to a dull roar when she felt the warmth of Lucy's steady, chugging breaths against her chest. Loki emerged from the bathroom with a towel about his waist, just as Darcy lay Lucy down in her crib. Putting a finger to her mouth, Darcy gestured towards the living room.

Nodding, Loki grabbed a pair of pants from a chair and followed her.

Shutting the door, she took a deep breath and turned to face her boyfriend. At that moment he was nothing short of breath taking- the very picture of health, with his hair slicked back from his shower and his skin flushed a becoming pink from the steam- she wanted to interrogate him with a taser to his balls while simultaneously fucking him to the moon and back.

She realized he had been talking and asked him to repeat himself.

Laughing, he obliged. "Darling, I just wanted to know if Lucy was okay! I didn't hear her arrive- she's normally so willing to announce her presence."

His voice was so unaffected, it nearly broke her heart. What the fuck was going on? Darcy just _knew _something awful was about to happen, but what was it? And whose fault would it be?  
She couldn't help but feel it was going to be hers…

Darcy was working in the kitchen, typing case reports on her laptop. She was under the impression that Loki was at work in the labs of SHIELD, uncovering god knows what.

Lucy was napping again- she was napping a lot lately-

And the baby monitor sat next to her cell phone on the coffee table in the living room with the volume turned just too low for Darcy to hear a single whispered utterance:

"_Excellent."_

And with a satisfying pivot, Loki of Asgard, burdened with glorious purpose and a returned ability to teleport, vanished away to a familiar corner of the depths of the universe.

**My plot wheels are turning and I'm excited! Please, do read this for fun and don't feel obligated to review… that said, your words justify every minute I spend thinking about this stupid story.**

**Love y'all, **

**author**


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